Digging Deeper

So last week, I wrote about never having a clue what I wanted to be when I grew up. As I finished that post and replied to some of your comments, I realized I had only really told half of the story, the easy half.

The more difficult half of the story is WHY I have never wanted to define my future. To answer that question I have to dig a lot deeper.

Forking the veg patch

I guess it all boils down to FEAR. I am afraid of sharing my deepest desires (especially with myself) because many of them feel very out of my reach. I am afraid of setting my expectations too high only to feel gut-wrenching disappointment when they are not met. I am afraid of establishing goals that I might not attain.

And so I have settled for a life without thoughtful plans. But I know I need to conquer this fear. Because I know that not until I define my aspirations, will I be able to work towards making them a reality. And I don’t want to stumble my way through life.

Why is it so scary to define our heart desires, put in writing the person we’d love to become?

PS – Today my friends Spence Smith and Lynn Moore are finishing an IronMan (2.4 Mile Swim, 120 Mile Bike, 26.2 Mile Run). Talk about seeing people have made a lofty and scary goal a reality. They are an inspiration for us all!

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Lindsey has a sincere love for her precious dogs Molly and Maisy, a good red wine and the Delta Sky Club.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • well, fear is totally what stops me in my tracks when it comes to the future. before i know it my kids will all be in school and i don't have a plan for what happens after that. whenever i start to hyperventilate about that fact i stop and make myself remember that i view my journey as a path and sometimes i only get one stepping stone at a time. i am starting to force myself to take some steps to give me some direction, and that's a start!

  • I relate so well to this. I feel like I flounder around in life. Sure I always knew I wanted to get married and be a mom and thankfully God has provided that for me, but as far as other goals I've always had a fear of setting one and then completely failing. It's hard to conquer your fears.

  • Fear seems to be one of the biggest enemies we have, even if we don't know what it is or why. Sometimes we fear failure or fear the unknown. I know that I have made some major changes in my life over the years. Some I have regretted, others haven't turned out as I expected, but the fact is I can't undo any of them, just move on. I realize that when I stop moving ahead and growing I will just stop- it will be all over. I believe God wants us to be risk takers, to step out by faith like Abram did. Now we do have some God-given common sense, and also God-given faith. So go ahead. Write down your plan, your goals; kick fear in the butt and make the leap. You'll never know until you do.

  • When I was in my teens, I didn't want to write out my true dreams until I felt I had a shot of reaching them. Didn't want to want something I didn't think I could have.

    By the time I hit my 30's, I already lost so much of what wasn't as important to me, I didn't think I could bear losing the one precious dream I had left inside me. I became protective of what I had. Even if I was starving for fulfilment, I didn't want to plant that seed of a dream.

    I had seen too many harsh winters and leaves lose their colors to the fall. The purest passion inside me was bonded to my heart. How could I risk losing this one seed left?

    God has been so patient, sitting beside me, waiting to hand that seed over to Him. Will I let Him plant it? I think I will, before I hit my 40th birthday.

    Thank you for giving me a peek into your seed of your heart's true desire, Lindsey. It's inspired me to share mine.

  • The person I'd love to become is not attainable because that person doesn't look anything like me, so is it right to pursue that or to embrace reality?

  • All my life I have been trying to lose weight. When I was skinny, I thought I was fat. Now I am not huge, but somewhere in between. I have lost some weight because I never gave up in spite of the disappointing numbers on the scale, but I am still not at the ideal weight. I seem to be stuck at a certain number. On the bright side, I am not moving past the number; on the dark side, I have not lost more weight. It does not stop me from trying, eating healthier, and walking at my lunch hour in spite of the heat. In fact, maybe I'll never get out of size 14-16 pants to a nice size 12 (or best case scenerio, size 10), but I continue to vary my walks so every walk is a new adventure with new sights; I continue to challenge myself to see how many miles i can walk in an hour.

    Lyndsay, don't give up. Set goals. Try to meet them, but don't be afraid of disappointment. God loves you.

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  • You're so right about the fear and the not wanting to feel crushing disappointment. I can say from experience when you take that chance and fail that disappointment can sometimes set you back even more than the fear. It's very easy to reach the point where you just push aside your hopes and dreams because the joy doesn't seem to be able to top the pain.

    It's also scary when we have that doubt that we're chasing what we want and not what God wants for us.

    It's awesome that you're being so transparent with your struggles. There's such encouragement in honesty.

    • Hi Jason. I TOTALLY know what you mean. I just wrote a post about my feelings about this: http://bit.ly/GALht I can only say I was able to write this after a decade of being "set back" by a big disappointment in my life. It takes a long time to recover. But, God is faithful.