I Live a Pretty Little Life…

Do you ever look at your faith and wonder? Wonder if it would be strong if you didn’t “live a pretty little life.” Wonder if it will survive the really hard times. Wonder if it is wrongly based on the assumption that your life, as a Christian, will only get better, it certainly can’t get worse.

In His Hands

I guess it goes without saying that I do. I struggle with this. A lot.

Because my faith has not truly been tested. Sure, my life hasn’t been perfect. I have been through terrible break-ups. I have been betrayed by some of my best friends. I have had to bury three grandparents, two dogs, and several friends. I have been sick. And at thirty years old, I have to sit and wait for biopsy results knowing that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was thirty-one.

I have experienced loss. I have experienced fear. I have felt alone.

But I look at the trials and tribulations of others. And I remember that I have no idea. Because even as I share confidently in their pain about the amazing power of the Cross, I have not lived with the kind of pain they are experiencing. I have not had to mourn the loss of a parent. I have not had a spouse cheat on me. I have not been homeless without a bed to call my own. I have not struggled with addiction. I have not had to care for a child with a life-threatening disease.

And so I fear that once my world is rocked (and odds are that it will be rocked someday), my faith will not withstand. Because even though my foundation is on the Rock, until a nasty storm blows in I cannot be completely confident that my house is not in danger of washing away.

Do you ever wonder that your faith is not enough? That you won’t have the strength or the wherewithal to cling to the One thing that can save you?

PS – I write this with ABSOLUTE FEAR that God is going to help my figure this out. That He is planing on building my character, by making me really uncomfortable.

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  • thank you for the post. I have felt the same. I recently read a book that encouraged me to prove God in my life by taking steps of faith. A voluntary step or testing i guess. If you do it yourself you know it is coming and when you see God provide it is awesome. And our faith grows as a result. Some situations we can’t volunteer for, but to know God in one thing will likely spill over to the next.

  • I understand your fears, and had them myself when I was younger. After having seen God take me through some of those tough times you mentioned, I find myself assured of His promise to see me through them, but prayerful He doesn’t feel compelled to prove it to me once more.

    My concerns are not about my lack of faith in Him, but the knowledge of how weak I am. Am I strong enough to take the next hurdle God allows in my life? I have to find comfort in the fact that he has promised to give me nothing I cannot handle, and Hebrews 6 says that our hope lies in the fact that He cannot break His promise.

  • janieseltzer

    Lindsey, what a courageous post! All that i can say is that when I was about your age, I heard a series of messges by Elisabeth Elliot (wife of Jim Elliot who was murdered by the Auca Indians) that were riveting. At the end of each segment, she ended by: “And the Lord said, ‘trust me.” Three times, those same words.
    Years later when terrible storms hit my seemingly secure life, Jesus drew very near and whispered, ‘trust me.” Then, He told me to ‘hide my life in Him.” I said, ‘I don’t know how to do that.’ He said, ‘I will teach you.’ And He has. (and that is now my mission to teach others.) Ironically enough, the very storms you may fear are the ones that will truly strengthen and deepen your faith. He proves Himself there. . .. so do not fear! hugs, Janie

  • Ali

    I am 38 and have only been a Christian for about five years. Prior to becoming a Christian, I dealt with some very, very serious “stuff” in my twenties and early thirties. I think because I came to know Christ later in my life (not that I am that old), I can fully put my trust in Him. I truly believe that He will pull me through the very bad times I am bound to have again.

    As my priest says, if we can strengthen our faith in the less tumultuous times of our lives, then it will carry us through when the storms come in. I truly believe that.

  • The strongest faith, in my opinion, is forged by facing the doubts head-on and being wiling to grapple with them. What I think God desires the most is that we love him enough to challenge him and even berate him at times. What breaks his heart is apathy, not caring enough to ask the tough questions or admit our doubts. You are definitely not alone in this!

  • Joel Smith

    Lindsey, a great post. I frequently think of the price countless of martyrs have paid for the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic faith. When I question my ability to be such follow of Christ, I am reminded of what the old-timers called “nick-of-time” grace. That grace that God gives us just in the “nick-of-time”.

  • Trite little cliche, but I still love it…If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it!
    It has been in my moments of deepest trial, that God has revealed His tenderness, sweetness and faithfulness to me. It has been in those difficult moments in life when I leaned into Him that I developed an everlasting companionship. I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world!
    He is faithful. I may be weak, but He is strong! Whatever you face, He is there, He is there. Always.
    Now I have goosebumps!

  • Marcie Porterfield

    Love this post Lindsey! I had a very wise bible study teacher that said your true faith is what you are left with in your times of deepest crisis/hurt. If we build to that end, “we do the work to believe” rather than layer ourselves up like little pharisees.

  • wow. awesome post. i struggle with this at times also. at times i wonder is my faith strong enough, but then like you i’m not sure i want to find out.

  • I was thinking about your post in church Wednesday. Peter denied Christ but before he did he told Christ he wouldn’t he didn’t think it was possible he had faith in his ability. I think we are better off not thinking we are able. It might be better to always think we don’t have enough faith. We will rely on God more then.

  • Gary

    Great post Lindsey. It looks like God was testing your faith given everything you've encountered in the past.

    Whenever I do doubt if my faith in God is enough, I think about the footprints in the sand poem. It reminds me that God is there with you and will be there for you all the way through…Once I remember that, I am a little more at ease with my feelings towards that thought.

    I hope that helps…

    • Love that poem. Haven't read it in awhile. Probably should go dig it up. Yes, that helps a lot. Thank you.

  • The fear that God is going to give me more than I can handle is like the dust bunnies that somehow always collects at the corners in my house. It creeps up on me when I'm most happy and when I'm most sad. I can't really process it through, other than whispering Lord, Have Mercy one me. I just have to trust He won't be unkind.

    This was a thought provoking post, Lindsey – One I'm gonna chew on and get to the bottom of (at least enough to hang my hat on, for now).

  • artbysarah

    It looks like this post was written about 6 years ago, and I wonder if you still have the same fear? I fear the exact opposite: that though my life is far from perfect, it is still quite “pretty”, and I worry that times of abundance and ease will make me less sensible to my utter need for God’s grace. After all, nothing drives me to my knees like difficulties …