Do you ever look at your faith and wonder? Wonder if it would be strong if you didn’t “live a pretty little life.” Wonder if it will survive the really hard times. Wonder if it is wrongly based on the assumption that your life, as a Christian, will only get better, it certainly can’t get worse.
I guess it goes without saying that I do. I struggle with this. A lot.
Because my faith has not truly been tested. Sure, my life hasn’t been perfect. I have been through terrible break-ups. I have been betrayed by some of my best friends. I have had to bury three grandparents, two dogs, and several friends. I have been sick. And at thirty years old, I have to sit and wait for biopsy results knowing that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was thirty-one.
I have experienced loss. I have experienced fear. I have felt alone.
But I look at the trials and tribulations of others. And I remember that I have no idea. Because even as I share confidently in their pain about the amazing power of the Cross, I have not lived with the kind of pain they are experiencing. I have not had to mourn the loss of a parent. I have not had a spouse cheat on me. I have not been homeless without a bed to call my own. I have not struggled with addiction. I have not had to care for a child with a life-threatening disease.
And so I fear that once my world is rocked (and odds are that it will be rocked someday), my faith will not withstand. Because even though my foundation is on the Rock, until a nasty storm blows in I cannot be completely confident that my house is not in danger of washing away.
Do you ever wonder that your faith is not enough? That you won’t have the strength or the wherewithal to cling to the One thing that can save you?
PS – I write this with ABSOLUTE FEAR that God is going to help my figure this out. That He is planing on building my character, by making me really uncomfortable.