Something Is Going On With Me

I don’t know really what it is. But something is definitely going on with me.

Probably the best way to explain it is to say I just don’t feel like myself. I feel like a stranger in my own skin. Or more accurately, I don’t feel like I am the same girl that I was last year, last week, or even last night.

I am smack dab in the middle of a season of change.

I am experiencing the pains that are representative of growth, but I can’t quite see the changes in the mirror. What used to fit now feels strangely uncomfortable like last year’s skinny jeans but I haven’t figured out what alternations need to be made to embrace the transformed me.

Reflection

So here I sit in limbo land, not comfortable living in the past and not sure what the future holds, yet feeling strangely encouraged. Encouraged because I am confident that my discomfort is a road sign reassuring my path; my trepidation is a herald of the extraordinary adventure that lies ahead; my anxiousness a reminder that I am fully living in the present.

And I refuse to be a hostage to my past or my future.

“And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God center our lives and we become like him.” – 2 Corinthians 3:18 from The Message

Does any of this sound familiar to you? This kind of unfamiliar and scary, but exhilarating spell of change?

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Lindsey has a sincere love for her precious dogs Molly and Maisy, a good red wine and the Delta Sky Club. She spends her days (and some nights) laboring to end childhood hunger at Feed the Children and to gather, equip and unleash women at IF:Gathering.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • L,

    I am walking that road with you. I'm glad to know someone else is experiencing the tug of a new phase and unsure what that looks like. But like you, I am so thankful that there is a feeling of change on the horizon, for without it, life would be stagnant and unproductive. And to know that we're being called to something new means we've still got things to accomplish…I'd rather die a worn out, well-used vessel than a pristine one that sat on the shelf. Praying for clarity for you, friend.

    • @jendeshler – So nice to know I am not walking this road alone. I'll be praying for you too!

  • Oh yes…walked that road. Walking it to a degree now. I can't wait to see what God does with you.

  • What an exciting place to be! I've found that these "seasons of change" are when God is planning amazing changes for us – the changes may be scary at first, but if you keep your eyes on God and stay focused on faith, what you find on the other side of the change will be marvelous. God is so good.

  • Lindsey,

    I think you stated this feeling that a lot of us have on a regular basis. I often look around my wife, kids, job, truck, stuff, people, and think…is this what I thought it would be…is this really who I am…what am I becoming and do I like that? I seem trapped in this continual self evaluation of what I've been, who I am, and what I'll be. I loved the way you said, "my trepidation is a herald of the extraordinary adventure that lies ahead." You are a brilliant writer. I love your heart girl.

    Blake

    • @Blake Thanks. Have I told you how much I like your new blog design and what you have to say? Cuz I do, lots.

    • Jim

      Dude…the truck, wife, kids are staples

  • Oh do I know this road. I hear all we have to do is keep walking. It's when we stop that we regress.

    • @chownage I am rereading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and Don Miller talks about being on a journey between where you were and where you are headed. How you start to feel discouraged and want to quit in search of an easier way but he says you have to keep going. And that although the joy is in the arrival, your character changes in the midst of the journey itself.

      I found it very encouraging. But I am not doing his thoughts justice, at all. Oh well.

      • Sounds like I need to get my hands on that book. Thanks for the insight!

  • Jim

    i've been down this road…just watch that one corner…
    a year ago i was a salesguy in a large company…then one day…*poof* (magic sound)
    I was unemployed. One year later…I'm a ninja…

    • @jim – Oh, the corners. Just got to say, corner or not, I don't think I'd be a very good ninja 😉

      • Jim

        just takes some energy…the new ninjas don't hide…they speak and share …"a growing community of commenting ninjas, who reach out the the blogs around them"

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  • I'm looking out my window at fall. It begins so subtly. I noticed hints of change a few weeks ago. Leaves are starting to fall, but the world has still not burst into full color. Winter will be here before long, and everything will go to sleep then. I've got a a sense of that restless, rustling feeling feeling. Been there. Done that before. Don't be afraid if winter enters your soul for a season. Sometimes we need that as we are going through changes. Spring always comes!

    Hugs,
    Sandy

    • @Sandra King. You are right. I love the seasons. Without them life would be so boring.

  • Hey Lindsey, I am right there with you in this sense of change. I think that we are also in a sea of change and my thoughts have constantly gone back to Ecclesiastes 3, ‘to everything there is a season and purpose under heaven.’ My season is a season from being a father of an elementary and middle school student to becoming the dad of a middle school and high school student! A great post!

    • @Jim Kane – Thanks. I think having kids around is a great marker of time passing. Their life changes so dramatically from year to year, it helps us recognize that our lives are changing too.

  • Great post Lindsey. I especially love the skinny jeans wording, but that's another story altogether. 😉

    I heard a speaker, Graham Cooke, talk about this unrest – he called it Tohu Bohu. I'll see if I can find the info and send to you.

  • Hey there…..

    Will be praying for you during this season of change……I am sure God has great plans for you and you will find yourself in an even better place.

    I know that sometimes I am finding myself like a cat being forced to the edge of a pool with the new season that is unfolding in my life…..it's not always so easy, is it?

    Peace~
    *~Michelle~*

    • @Michelle, Thanks for the prayers. Not so easy at all.

  • Wow! So behind reading blogs!

    Yes, yes, yes! This is all too familiar. I have been there before and I am certain that i will venture there again. Getting to the other side of it is pretty cool – seeing how God has transformed us. I love being able to look back and see His fingerprints all over me! I can't wait to hear about how he transforms you!

    Oh, and by the way…your comment about Donald Miller's book…seems like that hits dead on with what you described in this blog! And, now you have made me crave yet another new book to read!

    • @Chyrstie Don's new book really makes you think. I loved it and am on my second read.

  • I think many can identify with this right now. It must be the change in seasons that make you reflect on what in the world has been going on for the past 10 months.

    Couldn't pin point the feeling but that's exactly what I've felt lately—"like a stranger in my own skin". I'm at a tipping point of sorts, can't comprehend it right now but I know God has great plans in store, for you too. Enjoyed reading this. Thank you.

    • @AlexSantxo – It's nice to know that it is a normal feeling. Encouraged by how many people "get it."

  • I totally get where you're coming from. I wrote about something similar just last week (<a href="http://www.bradruggles.com/2009/09/24/home-aint-w…” target=”_blank”>http://www.bradruggles.com/2009/09/24/home-aint-w

    Why is it that just when we start to feel like things are coming together the way we want them to God has to shake things up and get us out of our comfort zone?

    Great post Lindsey. Looking forward to meeting you next week.

    • Great post Brad. Thanks for sharing. I am looking forward to meeting you too.

  • love your honesty, lindsey.

    i almost feel that i've really entered limbo land recently. i think mine has to do with the fact i'm getting more free time (with the boys getting older) and i want to be purposeful with it. thanks for letting us follow your journey.

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  • Lindsey,

    I totally understand how you feel! I feel that way too.

    Did Catalyst bring any clarity or understanding to you on this?

  • Completely understand. Mine feels a little like wearing my favorite fuzzy sweatshirt that's become a little too worn & now needs to be retired. I can't really wear it out anymore but hesitant to let it go…

    So glad we finally were able to connect in person at the bloggers' meetup 🙂 Looking forward to a chance to do it again soon.

  • hmmmmm… wow. i just stumbled across your blog… an accident?… i think not. thank you for putting into words EXACTLY how i've been feeling over the last few weeks. would you mind if i shared your post on my blog?

    • Glad you came by. Hope you'll come back sometime and please share away…

  • Hopped here off of April's blog…thank you for the reminder of the imperative of living in the present. I have even blogged about it several times, and still needed a kick butt reminder…

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  • Hmm. Just came upon this post but I totally know how you feel. I'm in that place right now and your words describe it perfectly. Like you said, its not totally a bad thing though. We know that in following Christ we are continually changing. And change/growth often is uncomfortable, but so good for us. Thanks for sharing.
    My recent post My Story (Part One)

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