Last week a few friends and I were commiserating over some of the perils of being single. Maybe commiserating is the wrong word. We were just commenting about how our lives didn’t really match our childhood dreams with “the” husband and “the” 2.0 kids. And while the journey we find ourselves on can be challenging and lonely at times (especially the random Sunday evening), life remains abundantly full and quite satisfying.
The next day, the following devotional arrived. The encouraging words written by Kelly and “Big Momma” had gone through a series of forwards before making its way to my inbox. They struck a chord with me, so I thought maybe they’d strike a chord with you too. And Kelly kindly gave me the permission to share.
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” I Corinthians 2:9
Well I have talked to lots of you recently and it seems to me that this phase of life is hard on everyone. Letting go of the security of college and friends and doing really big life decisions for the first time is a hard thing. All of us seem to be waiting on something….to find “the one”, to get a better job/house, to get married, to be good at what we do, to have babies, to get over bad things that have happened to us.
But somewhere in all of that we have to just give it all up and enjoy the time now! Easier said than done for me too. But here’s the thing when we actually get that something we are longing for..there will be a new something we desire. Totally normal!
None of the things we get in life will take away our insecurities, fears and worries. Well that is except one….which is completely surrendering it all to the One who gave it all to us. This is not something easily accomplished and not something you do once. It is a constant struggle every day to pray about but so rewarding when you find peace and contentment in everything you do and all you are even just once.
To the single women:
If you can’t find contentment and security as a single woman, then you’re not going to find it in marriage. Marriage is great. Marriage is wonderful. Marriage is hard. It takes work and sacrifice and dying to what you want in return for what’s best for both of you.
Marriage isn’t going to take away all of your fears, insecurities, and worries. Actually, marriage tends to just amplify whatever junk is in your life because you have someone who may or may not point it out to you and call you on it but you have to love them anyway because you’ve pledged to be bound to them until death do you part.
As wonderful a person as your spouse is, we all still mess up and we disappoint each other because we are human. If God made anyone perfect then we wouldn’t need Him would we? So the best advice I can offer, based on my love of learning things the hard way and doing things wrong the first several times, is to trust God to show you the person who is right for you. Someone can look great on paper, your friends may love him, he may have the best job, a cool car, and not wear jean shorts, but that doesn’t mean that he’s the one.
Basically you need someone who you’d want next to you in battle, who can make you laugh even in the tough times, and will encourage you to be the best that you can be. Apparently, marriage is like being in the Army.
Don’t settle for less than you deserve just because less is right in front of you and the best may still be unseen. I guarantee there are many women in marriages that are so lonely that they long for their single days when at least they had the hope of finding someone who would understand them, love them, and care for them.
Your twenties (or thirties or season of singleness) is the last time in your life when you are free to do whatever it is you want to do without having to answer to anyone else. If I could change anything, I wish I would have embraced it more instead of wishing it away. When it’s all said and done it seems like a mere blip on the radar of life and it’s hard to imagine a time when the most romantic thing in your day didn’t involve someone telling you they don’t mind eating leftovers the second night in a row. (Not kidding. I adore a man that’s willing to eat leftovers two nights in a row.)
And, ultimately, keep in mind that we’re all waiting on something no matter where we are in life. Being married (and having kids) is wonderful, but I guarantee that every person who is reading this has some secret desire in their heart that they would like to see fulfilled. I have so many things in my life to be thankful for, but there are other things that I dream about and hope for and, honestly, I don’t know if those things will ever come to pass or not.
All I can do is keep my eyes on the One who knows everything in my heart and trust that He knows what’s ultimately the best for me. He hasn’t let me down yet.
He hasn’t let me down yet either. But still I needed this beautiful reminder to “Wait.”
Oh, and if you would like to get Kelly’s weekly devotionals in your inbox, just shoot her an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. I have already encouraged her to start blogging.
What are you waiting for?