I talk a lot about life plans and living intentionally but really that is all it is, talk. Sure, I make a concerted effort to think about decisions in terms of “where this get me where I want to go” but I haven’t done the work to really draft a blueprint of what type of life I want to build.
I’ve found that the most difficult thing for me is admitting I want things that I might not get, creating goals that I might not achieve, dreaming dreams that are just that, dreams.
Why should I give up without a good fight? Why should I let fear control my destiny?
I want to live boldly. I want to write an epic story. And it seems like the first step is putting pen-to-paper and defining what I want my life to look like down the road.
What better place to do that, then here, on my blog? After all, it is a place where I can say anything I want.
So WELCOME to the first in a series of posts called “Drafting Blueprints.” I’m going to try to dig deep, face my fears, tackle one “room” at a time, and dream big.
Here we go. The first one is a doozy…I want to get married.
Ughhh, did I really just say that? Those words are very practically impossible to admit.
Because when I hear people girls say that they want to get married, I think they sound PATHETIC. And I don’t want to be one of those girls, not even for a minute.
To be perfectly honest getting married is not really what I’m after. I don’t care that much about the ring, the white dress, the presents, the party (I said “that much). I don’t even dislike being single (well..sometimes I do, there is the occasional lonely Sunday night and the painfully awkward wedding party).
And I have no desire to spend the rest of my life with someone who is wrong for me. Because I already know that there is nothing worse than feeling lonely when you are not alone.
I want more than marriage. I want to marry someone special. Someone who I can love forever. Someone to build a family with. Someone to walk through life with. Someone to laugh with. Someone to cry with. Someone who will call me out when I am being a brat (yes, I can be a major brat.) Someone who will be on my team. Someone who will love me unconditionally, or as close as humanly possible.
As difficult as it is to admit… I do dream of getting married someday, of not being alone on this journey forever.
But if it doesn’t happen, I can live with that too.
“We are confident that God is able to orchestrate EVERYTHING to create something good and beautiful when we love Him and accept His invitation to live according to His plan.” Romans 8:28 (The Voice)
So how about you, do you have any dreams that are difficult to admit?