A couple of months ago, I was gathered with some very smart ladies at Cultivate Her and having a discussion about relationships. (No, not the juicy kind.) And my wise friend Eve Annuziato said something I keep coming back to.
Eve said that when she turned 30 she sat down and created three lists: Very Important People, Very Draining People, and Very Negative People. Once her lists were complete, she intentionally figured out how she could invest more time and energy in her “VIPs.” Inversely she intentionally reduced her interactions with her “VDPs” and “VNPs.”
The minute I heard this I was completely energized. As I began to visualize myself scaling back on some of the painful relationships in my life, I felt instant relief.
I have no problem sitting down and filing people into these categories. Important. Negative. Draining.
But I just can’t seem to wrap my head around how to minimize my investment in people I find draining or negative.
Maybe it is because I am a COWARD?
Maybe it is because I want EVERYONE to like me?
Maybe it is because I am TERRIBLE at saying no?
Maybe it is because I don’t have any CLARITY about how this syncs up with our call as Christians to love our neighbor?
Maybe it is because I have created some FALSE assumption that the negative and draining people in my life NEED me?
I need your wisdom on this one. Have you done this with any success? How do scale back on relationships without too much carnage? How do you tell someone you love them but you just can’t do life with them anymore?