I also view online relationships and different and that is perhaps why it's easier to be transparent here for me. I don't consider people online to be draining. I was referring to the people IRL.

I have people in my life who are exactly as you describe: negative, depressing and sometimes draining and it's true: I only have enough time and resources and what is better? To spend it with someone who through all my efforts seems to be unresponsive? Or someone who is actively taking what I say, the time I spend with them and implementing positive changes in their life? That someday will GIVE back to me or if not me, perhaps give back to others.

I don't know the answers to this at all, but I just wanted to say that I overreacted and took it to heart when perhaps it wasn't needed for me to do so. (I do that a lot, I admit to being critical but I'm most critical of myself)

Just wanted to apologize and actually, between you and @spencesmith's post I've learned quite a lot this week about relationships and open-ness and what type of person I want to be.

Thank you!
My recent post Impossible Union

I don't think of my online relationships as important, negative or draining – maybe I should, but I don't. This was more about the people you make time for day-in-day-out for lunches, dinner, long walks, etc.

Honestly I am not sure it really has that much to do with their "intensity" etc. – it has more with how I feel after hanging out with them – frustrated, depleted, cynical, etc.

Oddly the popular people are not who I gravitate towards as I look for "VIPs." I do think initially I am drawn to people with some WOO factor but most of my very best friends are people who are great listeners, provoke deep conversation, and are living life in a way I hope to emulate.

And then I felt like I should tell you this story:
A few years ago one of my best friends (not exaggerating here, I was in her wedding) told me I was EXHAUSTING. It was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to digest. Years later I can look back and know that it wasn't her or me. But there was something about that friendship that had become too much work. I felt it too. Every since then we are cordial, even friendly, but she is not one of my VIPs. And that is okay, great even. It gave me more time and energy to invest in people who found me energizing and who had time and energy to give back to me.

I'm actually not a depressing person and I consider myself a realist, not a negative person, yet can definitely be critical at times. I'm the type that notices every typo in the church bulletin. I'm the type that will go home, look up scripture and ask questions of my pastor based on what he preached on, not saying he's wrong; just seeking more understanding. Most would roll their eyes at me; I'm intense. I read a lot of books, I have a lot of questions and most of my friends don't do that.

We talk about being "authentic" and real and sometimes I get mixed messages from others. Would it be better the VNP and VDP just pretended to be how others liked? To keep things shallow and surfacey? Would others like them more then? I have a feeling that perhaps that's not what would keep them from being VNP or VDP. I don't like this but I think that there are those that are just more "comfortable" for us to be around and we gravitate to them. Some may make us feel good and encouraging and GIVE a lot. I suppose the ideal relationship is one where it's reciprocal.

I know I make no sense and you don't know me so you may view me as a VDP or VNP. I can be. I see things clearly. I'm a lot bolder online in my thoughts and complaints than I am IRL to most people. (except a few "safe" people that I can say aloud my thoughts, questions) I will always feel like no one accepts me even if I were to be accepted! CS Lewis wrote `Until you conquer the fear of being an outsider, an outsider you will remain.' In my mind, I'll always be an outsider, but I have a feeling most wouldn't say I'm a VNP or VDP. I AM critical yet I'm also an encourager. I don't "dump" on people, unless they are a strong person that is my close friend and "safe" to do so, and I make sure it's an environment that's reciprocal. The day you posted on grief I was sad yet the only place I even admitted it was online. I approached not a single friend to let them know that day was the day my brother died and it was bothering me. (see? I don't like to be depressing!)

I think that the key to something like this isn't just deciding who is "valuable" or worth investing in by the worldly standards that are around us. I look at it by who God placed in my path and for what purpose. If I find then "draining" and I'm struggling with my attitude or spiritual life, and after a good period of time fail to see any noticeable change in them, then I suppose I'd reexamine the relationship, but I would have a hard time just cutting out those that don't meet my standards in keeping me happy….. sometimes those are the very people I learn the most from.

I do realize that you perhaps aren't having a "what's in this for me" attitude when selecting friends to invest your time in, I am just trying to figure this all out too, except I'm trying to figure out why I'm not accepted. (I don't think it's because I'm VDP or VNP) But after your post It made me delete nearly my entire blog because I don't want someone to form an opinion of me that's VDP or VNP. I'm strange and questioning yet I'm also quite giving and I'd like to think that I have value and worth. I don't "fit in" in many places, but is it because I'm VDP or VNP? Or because I'm not a typical girl? This is a hard post because I FEEL like an outsider and yet I've many friends. They just aren't the "in crowd" friends that I guess deep down I want to have.

IDK. To me it seems that the "valuable" people are the leaders, those with "woo" and that are extroverts…… people that are "perfect" or successful or super thin, or dress nice. THOSE are the people that I think others exhibit more grace to; more favor.

I'll end. I know I'm babbling.
My recent post Impossible Union