Drafting Blueprints, Part 4

Posted By on Jan 6, 2010 in Blueprints, The Life I Live | 27 comments


Been awhile since I have done one of these but the holiday is over, and it is time to get back at it.

These “blueprints” are prompting me to think through what I want from life. They are merely a baby step in as I begin to traverse thinking through my life plan. I have already written on wanting to get married, wanting to get my hands dirty, and wanting to get fit.

Margaret, Sarah, and I - Chicago 2010

I want to cultivate deep and authentic friendships.

I know everyone probably wants this on some level. But I crave this.

I vividly remember venting to a friend last year about how many “friends” I had, but how few people I had that were truly “on my team.”

Over the last twelve months that has changed dramatically, I have been blessed with some amazing friends. But still I have work to do:

I need to scale back. I too ofen find myself sacrificing quality for quantity.

I need to invest, really invest, in every one of my “VIPs.” Because I want them to have NO DOUBT that I am “on their team.” Relentlessly rooting for them.

I need to heal deep wounds left from decades of friendships gone awry. The last thing I want to do is leave it festering. Because I believe that “hurt people, hurt people.”

And I need to work on being authentic. Even when it is tough. That is where true accountability starts.

How are you working to cultivate deep and authentic friendships?

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  • http://www.gritandglory.com alece

    wow, friend. you found words i haven't been able to find yet. i'm shake-my-head amazed at how similarly our hearts beat.

    "I need to invest, really invest, in every one of my “VIPs.”" — i want to get better at this as well. and in my scaling back i want to be intentional at having VIPs at all different "levels" or on all different sides of the spectrum (if that makes sense). from the young girls who for some reason look up to me to those i consider my closet confidants, i want to invest in each of them individually. i want them to know without a doubt that i'm always there for them. i want to be their rowdiest cheerleader.

    "I need to heal deep wounds left from decades of friendships gone awry." this is SO me. my relationship wounds run deep, especially with the painful loss of my marriage topping them all off. i'm working so hard at this – it's been my biggest intentionality in counseling the past several months. i know when i finally take those huge steps to confront some of my deepest wounders (AKA family!), a lot of healing will come to my heart. bring it on, Lord!

    "And I need to work on being authentic. Even when it is tough." this has been the desire of my heart for a few years now, and it still takes conscious effort. i've discovered that authenticity in hindsight isn't authenticity at all. so i'm learning to be more transparent about my struggles/weaknesses/doubts AS i have them rather than AFTER i've come through them. so much harder. but definitely something i want to get better at. (within reason of course. my heart isn't intended to be freely distributed to the masses. what's that about pearls before swine?)

    well, i've practically written a blog post in your comments! i love your heart. i love your desire to live authentically and have genuine, godly, intimate relationships. i'm with you, my friend.
    My recent post pabst beer

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

      @alece Thanks. Love your words. Every one of them ;)

  • http://twitter.com/reggiewirjadi @reggiewirjadi

    Nice, Lindsey. As part of my new year/new decade resolution I listed out the major roles in my life (e.g. child of God, friend, son, partner, musician, etc). I then created a couple 2010 resolutions per role. In my role as a Friend, I share this goal with you – investing in relationships. For me, I've divided that into two parts.

    1) Re-investing in old relationships. I've sort of lost touch with friends I used to be close with in college (which was 10 years ago). I used to get frustrated that friends don't do a good job of keeping in touch. Fact is, they probably feel the same way about me. When you get two sides feeling frustrated at the other, you get the formula for a deteriorating friendship. Reality is, people who consistently reach out are rare and if you want to cultivate relationships, YOU are the one who has to constantly take the initiative. So that's exactly what I plan to do this year.

    2) Investing in new relationships. I want to do seek out and invest in new relationships, primarily with other men. Whenever you do this, it's risky and it involves rejection. But hey, whatever. I'll just go out and do it. "Action" right? :)

    My recent post It's 2010. Who Do You Want To Be?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

      @reggiewirjadi Yes. Action. I have been amazed by how blessed I have been by being openly seeking new friendships. I needed some people in my life who were going to challenge me and help me grow…all I needed to do was actively make an effort.

  • Maureen

    I can totally relate! I was just talking to my mom the other day about how much I missed having friends around, and she said to me "you have millions of friends." But most are surface friends, and what I crave and long for are intimate friends. Living on the mission field, people are constantly coming and going in and out of your life, and its so difficult to maintain that intimate relationship this way. But I want it!!! I want VIP's and authenticy!!!

    Great post!
    My recent post Who’s right, who’s wrong?

  • http://twitter.com/CherylSmith999 @CherylSmith999

    Lindsey,

    Your post reminds me of one of my three words from 2009: Friends. After reading Tom Rath's book, "Vital Friends" based on Gallup research and the science of friendship, combined with "The Power of Who" by Bob Beaudine (@yougotwho), I committed to really nurture my "WHO" relationships in 2009. This will be a lifelong investment with huge returns!

    Blessings dear!
    My recent post If You Blocked Your Address from Google, Be Sure to Check Bing and Yahoo

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

      Thanks Cheryl!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/PaulSteinbrueck PaulSteinbrueck

    Lindsey, thanks for your post. In this era when we have hundreds of Facebook "friends" and hundreds of Twitter "followers" it's easy for me to forget who my true friends are and allow too much time pass between deep conversations and meaningful time with them. I definitely need to be more intentional about my relationships in 2010.
    My recent post Are Your New Year’s Resolutions SMART?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

      @PaulSteinbrueck I will note I have several VIPs in my life who were once just someone I followed on Twitter. It's amazing how the world wide web allows us to build deep friendships with people we might never have encountered.

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/srivera srivera

    So true….. Thx for posting!!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/jeremybarr Jeremy Barr

    For me, helping to cultivate authentic relationships has a lot to do with setting aside time for them. Whether it's lunch once a week, or time just spent hanging out, I think people understand that your time is precious and if you want to spend it with them, then it makes the relationship that much stronger.

    I've also recently spent some time in my relationships with friends that I want to get deeper with "going first" when it comes to sharing my more closely guarded secrets, and it has paid off immensely. But it's REALLY hard and nerve-wracking.

    You've got a great heart, and I'm sure those people you consider VIPs have already seen that and will love to get to spend more time with you!
    My recent post Scattered

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

      Thanks Jeremy. The time thing is essential. And it is amazing how sharing the hard stuff early endears you to someone.

  • http://bryanallain.com bryan a

    good thoughts Lindsey. Don't know where I'd be without my good friends. They keep me sane, remind me of who I am, and are always there. I'm going to try and stay in touch with them more and look for ways to serve them when I can.
    My recent post We’ve Got To Give 110%

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/BrianFrench BrianFrench

    I was going to write what Paul said, but since he wrote it (and much better than I would right it), I will just say:

    "I agree with Paul."

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/miller_schloss Becky Miller

    Wow. This and the post you linked to (hurt people) really address where I'm at emotionally. Been doing a lot of work to heal those deep emotional / relational hurts, and there's still more work to do. Thanks for the reminder that it's worth it.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

      @Becky Totally worth it.

  • http://www.learningtolovealways.blogspot.com Lindsay

    I really needed to read this today. Thanks for posting!
    My recent post Manual for Life

  • StephanieinLex

    Wow, Lindsey, I really do think we're living parallel lives. Anyhow, I'm there with you on every one of these points. What am I doing to cultivate these deep/authentic friendships? I have been "scaling back," and in some ways this has been done some for me (God's provision, I'm sure. In the natural ebb and flow of things, I think the VIPs have really risen to the surface). But it has been (and still is) a painful process at times. I do find that I have more time now to invest in the really meaningful, authentic friendships … and also more time to invest just in the practice of being in the moment and also in the Word. The second part of that is a work in progress, too.

    Three cheers for being intentional, Lindsey, and blessing us blog readers!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/JasonWert JasonWert

    Great post Lindsey. I'm in a weird place on this because I have nobody here I can call a friend. I have a lot of acquaintances but I don't have anyone who is a "friend." My closest "friend" is probably 600 miles away from here.

    The weird thing is that I'm the most loyal friend you could possibly hope to gain. If you get to a level of "friendship" with me I'm the kind of guy who would come over at 3am in January to give your car's battery a jump. I just find most people aren't the same way and it's hard for me sometimes to be friends with someone I know I couldn't count on when the chips were down.

    I'm very glad you have some VIPs in your life. Treasure them.
    My recent post 31 Days in Proverbs Day 7: We need to be a Gambini

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ChandlerWH ChandlerWH

    Good stuff Lindsey. Same boat as you. It was actually one of my "resolutions." To pour into the people I have around me and make sure they know that I am truly there.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/TomMartinATL TomMartinATL

    Hey Lindsey, I love where you are tracking with Drafting Blueprints. As I read through all 4 Blueprints this afternoon I couldn't help but laugh because it appears as though we are on a similar journey/quest.

    A few years ago I re-thought my resolution and goal setting way of thinking. For me resolutions had become things I resolved to do and goals were just things I strived to accomplish. Success or failure in those categories hinged on in what I was truly committed to not what made it on the paper. Since then before every New Year I create a commitment list of items I’m totally committed to. It’s the kind of list where anything less than 100% commitment is failing. (My personal blueprint) For me intentional living, not a life of resolving to or striving for, leads me to make commitments worth keeping. (Continued)

    My recent post TomMartinATL: RT @loswhit (via PrayforKate) PRAY FOR KATE NOW!!!!!!!!! SHES IN MRI!!!! PRAY THEY FIND NO EVIDENCE OF CANCER OR TUMOR!!!!! PLEASE!!! ♥

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/TomMartinATL TomMartinATL

    Making a time-centric investment in family has been on my commitment list every year. (VIP’s & family are one in the same in my mind) Just being there for someone doesn’t equal a passing grade; success is them knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you’re efforts have helped them grow personally, professionally, or spiritually further than they couldn’t have had that investment not been made. For me that is the dividend of an investment in someone where the goal is deep authentic friendships/relationships.

    Thanks for opening my mind by sharing a snapshot into what God has placed on your heart. Wishing you much happiness and Blessings as you continue on your journey!

    My recent post TomMartinATL: Subaru is a great brand, only downside is there is no closing for bad weather when everything you sell is All-Wheel-Drive

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

    Thanks Tom. Blessings to you!

  • Guest

    Awesome. Need to take your advice in 2010. Getting a little dusty in here….who are those cute girls that you are with in this picture?????

  • Chrystie

    Another great goal, Lindsey! I am praying that you see the realization of these goals over the next year!
    My recent post Your Life In 6 Words

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/jcatron jcatron

    Will you hold me accountable to this one too? My guardedness and busyness always leaves a wall in my relationships that I have trouble getting through.

    I appreciate you!
    My recent post Friday Fun

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/jennyrain jennyrain

    i feel like i'm going to go through every one of these blueprint posts and say "me too" … they are so resonating with me.

    alece said something in a post awhile back – authenticity is not found in the rearview mirror, it has really challenged me this year to be authentic – as things are happening. i'm also learning, being authentic in the moment – awkwardness and all – really helps friendships bond even closer :)

    loved this!
    My recent post Repeated, confirmed, and delivered: Still Speaking…