Drafting Blueprints, Part 5

Okay, time for Part 5 of my Drafting Blueprints series. In case you missed the first 4 parts, here is a brief recap:

My “Blueprint” series is essentially a mechanism for me to start thinking through my life goals. And as hard humiliating as it is to admit some of the things I want to achieve in life, I am trying to be painfully honest because (for some crazy reason) I feel like I need to put them “out there.”

Part 1 – I want to get married.

Part 2 – I want to get fit.

Part 3 – I want to get my hands dirty.

Part 4 – I want to cultivate deep and authentic friendships.

And today I am tackling a biggie….

I want to have kids.

(Please remember I am not a whiny girl who is unhappy with her life, with the cards she’s been dealt. Nothing could be further from the truth. My life is full. But if I am honest, before it is all said and done, I want to raise kids, to have a family of my own.)

Candidly this goal is almost impossible to verbalize, because it seems SO FAR out of reach. I don’t feel like I have “earned” the right to want kids. I am not married. Heck, I am not even dating anyone. And I am 33.

But I am coming to terms with this very real desire. And here is how:

I am only 33. With modern science, I could have a child well into my 40s. And even though 43 seems right around the corner, it is 10 years from now. 10 years is a long time, 10 years ago I was 23, and 23 feels FOREVER ago.

I don’t need to have a little mini-me or a little mini-man. I can adopt. This was something I had never thought about until I sat in Catalyst last fall and learned about the 143 million orphans in this world. Yes, that is correct, there are 143 million orphans worldwide. Seems awfully silly that I would walk around burying my dream of being a mother, when so many kids are mother-less.  And even though this is not something I envision myself doing in the next couple of years, it is something I would like to do. So right now, I need to save, so that when I am a little older (and more mature), I am a place where it is financially feasible to adopt.

I have a lot of kids in my life that I can invest in right now. I am “Lulu” to 3 adorable nieces, to my goddaughter, and to several of my close friends’ kids. I can work to be a loving and supportive constant in their lives. I sponsor children through WorldVision and Compassion. I need to do a better job investing in Deva and Workeeb through letter writing. And I just got a “lunch buddy” through Preston Taylor ministries. Each week, I am committed to spending an hour with Jaheem. He’s got a mother, but I can be a positive adult role model and a friend.

So…who knows? Maybe someday I will have kids of my own?

All I can do with this one is trust in His plan, pray, and be prepared if when the opportunity presents itself.

Have you buried any dreams because you don’t feel like you’ve “earned” the right to want them?

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Lindsey has a sincere love for her precious dogs Molly and Maisy, a good red wine and the Delta Sky Club.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Love your honesty, Linds.
    My recent post Check Out My Free Canvas

  • The fact that you are not married yet is proof that there are lame, stupid men out there. Or maybe God is just not quite done yet with the one he's picked out for you. Maybe he needs a little more time in the oven. 😉

    Love you heart and your vulnerability.

    • Thanks Mike. I REALLY appreciate your words. I probably need a little more time in the oven too? I am amazed at how much I have changed in the last couple of years. Pretty sure I am still a work-in-progress.

    • I'm with Michael on this one…God probably needs to melt some crud out of the guy so that when you find him he'll be better than you can possibly imagine.

      And you will be.
      My recent post 31 Days in Proverbs Day 18: Another kind of strong tower

    • I have to agree with Michael and Jason…we're not the brightest in the world. 🙂

      You've been really bold sharing about what you want out of life. Thanks for "going first" when it comes to those areas that we all have trouble talking about.

      It seems like I bury dreams every day, and some days it's just worse when I'm really feeling down about something. Many times I struggle to remember through all of it that God has plans for me, and they may not be the same plans I have, or even the same results I want, but He has the best in mind for me and I have to trust in that. Easier said than done sometimes.
      My recent post I Am Second – Sam and Colt

  • Becky

    Good post!
    My recent post My word for the year…

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  • I'm also 33, single, happy and content most of the time but hoping for a family of my own someday. Appreciate your perspective and honesty. Also appreciate not having to be the adult on call when my friends' kids get the stomach flu…..there are positives to not being a mom. 🙂

    My recent post new to you friday–”dog” show

    • I know there are lots of positives to being footless and fancy free. Sleeping late, being able to take off on a moment's notice, not dealing with children's stinky diapers…I am taking full advantage of them while I am in this season.

    • You took the words out of my mouth Jennifer. I could not cope with ANYONE having the stomach flu. I can't even be in the same house as someone having the stomach flu.
      My recent post LFS Introduces…Soul Surfers

  • I love these posts. You are brave and honest, and that's not easy. After searching so long for meaningful, rewarding, challenging work, I'm starting to believe I don't deserve it. That I'm not as smart as I thought. That my gifts aren't special. And on and on and on. Thank you for the reminder to keep dreaming!
    My recent post I just can't get enough.

    • You do deserve it! Keep dreaming. Looking forward to our hang time in February at BlissDom.

  • Thank you for sharing these posts. As a 42 yr-old who has never been married, I feel your pain on all five parts of your blueprint. I too have a full and wonderful life, couldn't ask for more, yet there is so much more to strive for and so many more ways to serve others. Good for you for sharing this plan on your blog. Know that I'm and praying and rooting for you on this journey!

  • Lindsey – I'm with you on this one…and I am a year ahead of you at 34. Every year on my birthday, I feel like a little part of my dream (to be married and have children) dies. I decided long ago that I want to adopt one day, but financially it won't be any time soon. Six months ago, my brother and his wife had a baby. Now, both of my sisters are pregnant. Normally, that might send me to a permanent pity party for myself. But a month ago, I had a major shift in thinking. I wrote about it here: http://thequirkyredhead.com/?p=529
    It doesn't mean that I don't long for a husband and children, but if I never see that dream come true, I will continue to look at things with different eyes.
    My recent post The Male Factor

  • Boy, do I remember these very same desires and thoughts! I'm now in my 50's and have a child in his first year of college. When you least expect it, God will bless you in ways you've never dreamed. I'm sure He's very proud of the single person you are fulfilling very well right now.

  • Great post. I totally know where you're coming from. We just had our little girl and it was a dream come true, one that I was afraid had slipped by me. I dealt with questions like yours when I was approaching mid-thirties. My wife and I are now both 38. As trite as it sounds to say God's timing is perfect, in my case it really has proved to be true and I'm believing the same thing for you as well.

  • Thanks for you honesty…I appreciate it so much and am encouraged by your words and hope! I’m right there with you on the wanting kids….yet having it feel SO FAR away.

  • i love that even though it's hard to say, you say it anyway! thanks for that vulnerability.

  • Judging from your blog you are going to make a very wise mother one day. What a blessing you will be!

  • Laura Anne

    You continue to speak out my heart Lindsey through your drafting blue prints posts. This is something God spoke to me about when I was in South Africa this year – I guess because for a long time I felt I had my chance when I was 17. And I truly stuffed it up. And then a few weeks before I turned 22 I got told I might have fertility issues. So surely, even if I do get married, no children for me?

    I don't know what the future holds, I just know that God will do what is best. For me and any children that may/may not be a huge part of my life.
    My recent post LFS Introduces…Soul Surfers

    • Yes, God will do what is best. And you never know what journey he will take you on. Excited to watch your story unfole.

  • I recognize the sense of longing you have to be a parent. I too pray for that privilege one day. Thanks for your vulnerability!

    – from a fellow work-in-progress and apparently a lame and stupid man 🙂

    • Hilarious. I wouldn't take it personally…you are in great company of lame and stupid men. Some of which have actually met me. Crazy, huh? 😉

  • "Have you buried any dreams because you don’t feel like you’ve “earned” the right to want them?"

    That is a GREAT question, Lindsey.

    My husband got laid off a few weeks ago, and we have actually enjoyed this time to pray and dream about what to do next. Dreams that I buried years ago are starting to resurface, and God is doing ridiculous things.

    Just when I felt like giving up, like I couldn't hear from God, and even wondered if He was really there and if any of this Christian life was worth it…He did something crazy and reminded me that He hears me and the He HAS placed dreams in my heart, and that He will delight in bringing those things to pass, according to His perfect timing.

    My pastor said the other day when we met with him, "God has His own time table. He is never late." And it reminded me of Gandalf: "A wizard is never late! He always arrives precisely when he means to."

    This is a great series of posts you've been doing. I am looking forward to seeing how and when God will fulfill the dreams He has given you.

    • Becky, I hope you and your husband rediscover your dreams. Always interesting how a difficult time can be a catalyst for good.

  • this was great – which feels weird, being a guy commenting on a girl's post about wanting to have kids. but, really, it was great. honesty and vulnerability aren't the easiest things to embrace, but you are doing just that with this "series" of posts. and i think God honors that. it leads you to a place of trust and reliance on His plan, which is a great place to be – though it often comes with impatience and frustration. good stuff.

    • But Kevin…you watch Desperate Housewives so it's not so weird? 😉

      On a serious not, I appreciate the encouragement and the male perspective.

  • Love the post! more then anything in the world I want kids. I would be perfectly fine with being a single mom. Im sure I freak my family out with my comments about having a kid when Im 30. Well thats soon so Im not sure it will happen then but I remind myself all the time that I can start my family whenever I want. Love you glad for your friendship!

  • Chrystie

    Aww! I love this post! You are precious and I totally agree with Mr. Hyatt! I think you rock and any guy in his right mind does too 😉

    I had a hysterectomy when I was thirty, so I buried my dream of having biological children years ago. I was blessed with my s-son. He loves on me and has snuggle time with me as if I were his mother. I couldn't have asked for a better s-son.

    Ken and I have talked about adoption. There are SO many children who need a family. It would be an absolute blessing to adopt. We are attending an adoption expo in our town in a few weeks.

    I really love how you are putting your life plan, your dreams, desires out there. I can't wait to see what the next few years hold for you!
    My recent post Multitude Mondays

    • Can't wait to hear more about the adoption expo. I have some friends in Nashville who are starting down that road too. It is so exciting!

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  • I'm 34 will be 35 in July. I will married for 9 years in May. I've really battled wanting children. To the point that I became obsessive about it. I wasn't the nagging wife. Nearly three years ago God rocked my world, in that He took me to the place of my husband saying he wasn't sure he wanted kids. I did a complete 180 and for a year and a half I wanted nothing to do with having children, but I still every now and then had the desire. I'd shove those feelings behind the old junky boxes and beg God to take them away. I finally had to approach my husband and ask that he pray for me because I was once again battling jealousy of my (younger, more recently married) sisters-in-law who just had babies, one of them their second. It opened up lines of conversation between my husband and I. He said that God was working on his heart and he more and more felt like we are supposed to start a family. I had to think and pray long and hard about what I wanted. And it's come down to yes I want to have children. As it stands now God is still saying wait. From our own point of view some things need to happen first before we start trying. In April we sponsored a little girl in India through Compassion. We love as if she were our own. I still struggle some days with envy with bordering on becoming obsessive again. Now I turn to God with a different heart and attitude. He gives me grace and patience.

  • thelmabowlen

    I think you'll be an amazing wife AND mother someday. It's only a matter of God's perfect timing. And having had my daughter 6 months after I turned 20, I missed out on really enjoying being single. I have yet to travel, to learn how to cook, to be "single" instead of a "single mom". I think if I became a mom in my 30s or 40s I would have been far more equipped on so many levels. (But that's fodder for my own blog. LOL.)

    But looking back, I know that God is sovereign and has each of our lives planned out perfectly for His Glory. I know yours is.

    And speaking as one who was adopted — yup, another one for my blog — it is something I am truly grateful for. It's something anyone who wants kids should consider whether they have biological ones or not.

  • Laura G.

    By admiitting that you feel you haven't earned the right, I think you have shot yourself lightyears ahead of so many people who actually have children. They are a gift, but they are also worthy of having people who want them, who will love them, nurture them, and most of ensure their best interests and needs are met. Linds, I think you would be great at all of those things and I think you have the right to want children and to say that outloud- don't be humiliated by that desire. It is something you would be amazing at!!! And those girls are awfully lucky to have their Lulu 🙂 XO, L

    • Your comment made me teary-eyed. I miss you, friend. Hope our paths cross again soon!

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  • thegypsymama

    Isn't blogging interesting how it gives us peeks into otherwise strangers' hearts? This was a glimpse into such a beautiful, bold, and equally vulnerable part of you, Lindsey. I am enjoying going back and reading your blueprint posts – the plans for the house of life you are building.

    So, kids, eh?

    Yes, they are something. From my own backwards road to motherhood (read more here if bored or looking for something to procrastinate with http://thegypsymama.com/2009/12/10/because-once-u… I think the fact that this desire is so solid and real and already being lived out in so many kids lives through you, is a remarkable testament to God's already-answer.

    My favorite, favorite, Ann Voskamp wrote the most remarkable post I have ever read about what it means to be a mother – aside from the literal children one produces. It speaks to so many of the things you describe above. It isn't the answer to your desire altogether, but it is at least a beginning. http://www.aholyexperience.com/2008/05/dwelling-p


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