Alone

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For the first time in a few years, I am living ALONE.

As a single extroverted girl in my thirties, ALONE is a word I’ve learned to…well…dread.

You know? As in, “I’ll be attending the wedding ALONE.” “Do you want to meet before church? I hate walking in ALONE.” “I went to the movie ALONE.”

But I am finding that ALONE is just what I need.

It’s what I need to appreciate all the wonderful people in my life. And it’s what I need if I am going to get better acquainted with me.

So…for the first time, in a long time, ALONE doesn’t feel isolated or LONELY.

ALONE feels just right.

How are you at being ALONE?

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Lindsey has a sincere love for her precious dogs Molly and Maisy, a good red wine and the Delta Sky Club. She spends her days (and some nights) laboring to end childhood hunger at Feed the Children and to gather, equip and unleash women at IF:Gathering.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • good luck with that (that sounds sarcastic but it's meant to be serious). i grew up an only child, so alone is something i love (and don't get enough of). definitely a great time to do some self-learning and gather perspective.

  • I used to love my time alone. I'm an only child and a highly functioning introvert – which means I do need that space. I had three kids and worked on staff at a church. My world was crazy busy. I never had time alone and craved it. Then my kids all left home. My husband works out of town most weeks. And I quit my job to start a mission org. So now I feel like I'm alone WAY TOO MUCH. I dread the long evenings. I get tired of walking alone. Going to parties alone. Sitting alone. (I do understand just a little bit) Working alone. When I resigned, we found a new church home. That really added to my feelings of isolation. So while I wouldn't say I have any problem with being alone, right now I desperately need community.
    My recent post We all Need to Be Needed

  • I don't do alone well. It's not that I don't like being with myself, but I find that I'm not that interesting of a person and that there are friends out there I have not met yet, so why not go out and find them. I do enjoy some down time after long busy days, but for the most part, I'm looking for a party to join or I'm starting my own.

  • Out of college I moved to a new town without knowing a soul. It was a scary thing for me to live alone I had never done it but I had no choice. I have to admit I have come to love the freedom and escape from a busy life that accompanies living alone. I haven't had a roommate since. I have even gotten used to the two things I most dreaded doing alone, dinner time at home and coming home at night in the dark. Enjoy your new place and the serenity that it provides.

  • I enjoy being alone. I enjoy being with people, too, but it's in the alone time that I recharge.

  • I was pretty good at being alone and being alone now. (However, since I work from home, my "alone" time is usually just a walk in the evenings or a few hours writing at a coffee shop.)

    The hardest part for me when I was single and "alone"? Those nights I wanted to go out and do something but nothing seemed appealing to do alone (if that makes sense.) It's not that I was afraid to do those things alone…it just didn't seem as fun to do it alone.
    My recent post Rest in peace, Dana Key

    • Makes total sense Jason. Often I just stay home and give up on the going out. For the same reason, not sure what sounds fun alone.
      My recent post I’m inspired…. are you?

  • Thanks for your transparency! In a similar life situation, with two cats instead of a Molly, I too found my solitude to be a gift. God often reminded me through a song: "it's just an Illusion of Solitude – You may not feel My presence here, but I promise you, I am near. So don't be fooled; it's just an Illusion of Solitude…" You're a gift, Lindsey. Thank you for sharing!

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  • I am in the complete opposite position as you right now. For nearly 3 1/2 years I lived alone in my three-bedroom house (and 3 years prior to that I spent an entire year living in my own apartment over 1000 miles away from my family). Alone is what I know…and thankfully not TOO much of it was "lonely". I have been working toward becoming a foster mom for years and just got my first placement. I'm not sure it has quite hit me yet, but now that I'm the "mom" of a 2 1/2 year old, I'll never REALLY be "alone" 😉 "Alone" has felt right/comfortable to me for so long, but, I'm looking forward to trying out something else…though I'm sure to have some struggles. Thanks for sharing this and good luck/have fun with your "aloneness" 🙂
    My recent post Lots of Firsts

    • Wow, so exciting. So exciting. I'll be praying for you.

      • Thanks so much Lindsey! I'll be praying for you too! I'm used to being alone in my home every day, watching TV, going to the grocery store, etc. My family is close so we get together often, but more often than not, it's "just me". I am pretty boring and my first full day with kids we just hung around the house like I always do, but I'm definitely looking forward to getting out and about this summer. There are a LOT of details that need to be worked out since I'm going to be a single working mom whose kids can only go with people who have been fingerprinted and background checked, so continued prayers are definitely appreciated 🙂 Thanks again!
        My recent post Lots of Firsts

  • Alone…. I guess I am realizing more and more (even now that I am married) that God is always with me, and the only one that will make me feel like I am not alone. That ache in my heart will always be there until I see Him face to face though… but for now just being in His presence satisfies me 🙂
    My recent post How to Lose a Date with Hubby in 10 Minutes!

  • Boy can I identify! I'm the youngest of five, and a huge extrovert. Like you, there was a time in my life when I didn't want to be alone. Slowly, however, God began changing my attitude (and my heart) about alone time.

    I suspect God is doing something powerful during your Alone Time. Some of it, you may recognize now, while other parts may be unnoticeable in the present. I can't wait to hear about the continued journey, and see how the story unfolds.
    My recent post How Do You Want to Be Known and What Can A Google Analytics Keyword Search Can Reveal?

  • I've gotten better at being alone. Right after my daughter was born and my husband worked evenings, ALONE was really hard. But now I enjoy my alone time.

    It's a different kind of alone than what you're talking about, I know. I'm glad that you living alone for now is actually a blessing. I love how God gives us exactly what we need when we need it!
    My recent post A full summer weekend

  • I have many "friends" but I'm often times alone. Alone at lunch, at work, at the mall, at the movies.

    I'm learning to love and embrace ALONE. It's often times the beginning of something new.
    My recent post rock and a hard place…

    • confession – never been to the movies alone. think i need to try it.

      • Once you get over the feeling-like-a-loser part, it's actually quite fun!
        My recent post rock and a hard place…

        • I finally went to the movies by myself in January… I did get over the feeling-like-a-loser and enjoyed myself!

          • I recommend going to the movies alone… haven't done it in a while because (living alone and doing many things alone) I've been craving time with friends! But I actually really enjoy it. Although I refuse to go alone on a Friday or Saturday night 🙂

  • I'm terrible at being alone.

    In college I endured a long "season of singleness" and I hated it. One day I finally said, "Screw it. Screw the game, forget the rules, whatever. God it's yours. I don't care anymore."

    2 weeks later I met my wife-to-be.
    My recent post Born to be Wild

  • I am a serious extrovert! I am painfully aware of my need for me time. It takes for me ti get to that melt down stage before I realize the need. You know that same cranky thong a toddler does when you the nap time is needed, kinda like that. Trying to get better about balance with that. You are right, alive time makes room for learning about myself and what God wants to say.

    • Me too, same exact way…I build so many activities, people in the schedule that I need to be alone when I can.

  • kim

    Lindsey, 'alone' may be the rejuvenation needed at certain crossroads in one's life. As an aside, I like balance .. Do you have a dog park there that you can take Molly to? 'Course that would mean you'd have to give up some of your alone time. ; )

  • while I'm an introvert and I am brutally aware of how much alone time I need, I also fear loneliness. But I've come to realize that all the "me" time I need isn't actually "alone time." I have to continually choose to recognize that God is always there with me. It doesn't have to be lonely.

  • Hahaha, I am coming to realize the opposite for me. After living by myself for 10 years, I think I need a roommate to help challenge me not to be alone all the time. Don't get me wrong, I need alone time (I'm an introvert). But I want to do something to force myself to grow…living with someone else would definitely be a challege and could offer plenty of growth potential.
    My recent post Summer is for Swim Suits & Stalkers

  • I'm good at taking time to be alone but I do not like to do things by myself. Going out to eat, the movies, all of that I like to be with others. I am alone in my office 75% of the time and 95% of my lunches are me eating alone. So I cherish spending as much time with others as possible.

  • Ah… I love my alone time. Just only for a few hours before I need someone else around.
    My recent post free your imagination (book giveaway)

  • I seriously LOVE hanging out alone. Movies alone, coffee dates with myself, shopping trips solo, even beach trips all by myself. It is SO relaxing when you are really social all the time to just have a break.

    BUUTTT, being alone and being lonely are two very different things. However, I'm also a firm believer that God uses loneliness in BIG ways.

    So I'm cool with being alone AND being lonely (sometimes!).

    My recent post Darkness and Light

  • Kristina

    Well, being the youngest of 7 kids and now having 4 young kids myself, I long to have some alone time! But, I also long to have some adult interaction as well! So, I’ll go see a movie with you anytime!!

  • I tolerate alone. I am an extrovert but have introvert tendencies. Is that possible? As a divorced single mom the alone time can be a gift because I need to rest a bit. Alone time can be rare as well so I have learned to appreciate it. I'll do dinner and a movie alone. Walks alone and even day trips alone. But boy am I happy clam when those kids are back.
    My recent post I’m inspired…. are you?

  • I like being alone. But then again I'm an introvert. There is a difference of course between loneliness and being alone. I've been battling that loneliness feeling. I've got to remember these feelings are lies of Satan.

    My recent post Fear Factor

  • I need alone time each day to recharge. I love people but if I don’t unwind and be still…it drives me nuts.

  • I'm struggling with this right now as I said good-bye to my cat. I generally spend most of my time alone, outside of time spent at work and at church. My experiences with my local church community suggest that I should learn to adapt to pursuing Christ as one who lives entirely alone. I don't mind alone too terribly much, but it's hard to envision a situation of never coming home to a creature with a pulse again. That's a little hard.

  • I love my alone time 🙂 it helps me refuel… I gotta have it.

    Does having two pugs still count as being alone in the house?
    My recent post What an iPhone 4G demo by Steve Jobs taught me about life

  • As a SAHM, I crave any time I can get alone. I’m constantly hovered over by my three children and the due-any-day baby I am carrying inside provides me with never-ending kicks. Interestingly enough, with all this constant companionship I still feel incredibly lonely. I enjoy naptime for the silence & me-time I get, but I think I still need to be more intentional about making alone time for myself and making sure I do quality things in it: read, blog, pray, anything other than watch TV or go online. I’m definitely an introvert, but the extroverted husband I have been with for almost 13 years has rubbed off on me a bit. 🙂 Thanks for the reminder to make time for myself.

  • I love alone… and I have the worst time finding alone time, so I kind of envy you. 🙂 But, I'm super proud of you for embracing it and appreciating this season.
    My recent post I Don’t Grow

  • This is really good, Lindsey. Interesting enough, I used to think I was an introvert. Ummmm… no. I do enjoy times to myself to refresh and refuel, but I don't necessarily enjoy living alone. I've done it, could do it again if I had to, but it's not really my thing. For me, I can feel just as at home, chill and refueled when in the company of the right one or two people as I can by myself.
    My recent post What I Thought I Wanted, What I Got Instead

    • I can't stand cocktail parties, big mingling events…but I love nothing more than time with close friends.

  • Hmmm… I'm a big introvert and love time alone. But then if my bride (of 29 years) is out for the night I miss her!

  • Amy Hale

    Alone seems to be what God wants for me right now. He has recently did some "pruning" in my life and stripped me of some things I dearly love to get my attention and draw me nearer to Him. And it is amazing how much I hear from Him now without a lot of distractions.
    So alone is a good thing for me right now! It's strengthening me and helping me find my worth and identity in Him ALONE instead of in the opinions and approval of others.

  • Amy Hale

    Good grief at that typo!!
    How about "He has recently DONE some pruning…"???!!
    Haha!

  • I'm such an introvert but having an extrovert as a roommate a few years ago really helped bring balance! The past few years of living alone came at the right time because now I know that while I really need my alone time to recharge, I have the freedom to invite people over to hang out whenever I like. Yes, it gets lonely at times (as I too am 30 and single but wish I wasn't!) but God has also used it to draw me closer to Him too. So, like with everything, there are pros and cons 🙂 It's just a matter of finding that balance!

  • I can’t stand being alone, because I think too much! =) But I suppose it is important to get away sometimes and recharge your life, but I love love love being with people, so finding time to be alone and actually forcing myself to be alone is a huge struggle for me. True Story.

  • interesting because the way my life is right now i'm NEVER alone.

    i know one day i will…
    My recent post Switching Seasons

  • Christy

    "I just want to lie in bed by myself with the infinite possibilities" – John Mayer (interview with playboy)

    When I read that quote it just resonated within me. I'm in my early 20s and after living in Vancouver for a while, I've moved to a tiny town in Alberta for research. It threw me for a loop. When it come to the real me, I'm an introvert hiding in an extrovert's smile. But this is a new kind of alone. And after much travail, I've remembered something that I forget to do, which is remember who I am and hang out with that person more. Realize that gawsh, I love some Miles Davis, a glass of wine and some chocolate while I work away the evening.

    Funny thing that I was searching around for information on starting blogging and came across your article on "Fuel" about your first year as a blogger. It's encouraging when entering the blogging sphere is a little overwhelming. 🙂

  • Amy Nabors

    I'm probably too good at being alone. I'm an introvert so I love being alone. I have to force myself to get out and get involved.

  • Amy

    I do alone a lot better than I used to. I've stopped seeing it as a constant negative. I used to see it as a sign of rejection – I was alone because no one wanted me. As an introvert, my first instinct is not to walk up to someone and introduce myself; it's to blend in with the walls. But eventually, I learned that it was that instinct that led to me being alone. I have to reach out a bit so that others CAN reach back. No one's going to take your hand if it's in your pocket. 🙂
    My recent post We don’t have to do it

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