Confessions of a Basket Case

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Last week when I decided to take a short break from blogging, my intentions were good. I thought.

I just feel compelled to be quiet, to prepare my heart, and to refuel my soul. Things that don’t necessarily come naturally to me.

But looking back I am sure if I was exactly honest with you, or with me.

The truth is…

I have been a basket case preparing for Guatemala. (Did you know the definition of basket case is “a person or thing regarded as useless or unable to cope”? Yep, that has been me. Although I hide it well.)

I have stayed frantically busy so I didn’t have time to dig into the mess that is my heart.

I have been battling fears and insecurities that might just swallow me whole.

What if I don’t have words to tell the stories of the families we meet, of the amazing work being done?

What if my posts don’t measure up? (Have you read the beautiful words of my travel companions? Intimidating.)

What if no one likes me? (What am I in sixth grade? Ugh.)

I have made this amazing opportunity ALL ABOUT ME. (Yuck.)

But yesterday at Cross Point, with tears streaming my face, I was reminded I have nothing to worry about. You see, my Savior He can move the mountains. My God He is mighty to save. (The Hillsong worship songs get me every time.)

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We’re singing for the glory of the risen King

I hope that you will join me on this journey and watch God at work.

In me.

And God-willing, through me.

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Also, I hope that you will pray for me and my travel companions, for our safety, for our hearts, and for our willingness to be broken by what we experience. And pray for the people of Guatemala who are getting slammed by torrential rains and landslides.

Are you battling any fears and insecurities right now? How can people be praying for you?


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Lindsey has a sincere love for her precious dogs Molly and Maisy, a good red wine and the Delta Sky Club. She spends her days (and some nights) laboring to end childhood hunger at Feed the Children and to gather, equip and unleash women at IF:Gathering.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • lindzshaw

    Although I'm not heading anywhere, your thoughts and insecurities ring true for me as well. I often try to "hide out" whether it is from blogging or people or whatever when I am feeling most unbalanced. I will certainly be praying for you and your team mates!!

    • Jon

      Lindsey,

      You are going to be amazing and what God is going to do in you and through you on this trip will be beautiful. Thanks for your openness and honesty. I’d feel exactly the same way but wouldn’t have the guts to admit it.

      So proud of you.

  • brothertonandrew

    Lindsey, you are going to do wonderfully. God is going to really use you and grow you and strengthen you. I'll definitely keep you in my prayers, and don't stress. This is such an amazing journey, and I can't wait to read what God places on your heart over this adventure. God Bless.

  • BillSpinks

    …yep, even at my advanced age, I have lots of F&I….but they're pretty trivial, not meriting any specific prayer request at the moment. And your trip has to, at least in a small way, be about you…after all, it is YOUR MORTAL presence you are injecting into the fray.

    But you can trust that your love for the Lord will give you what you need. It is clearly a powerful force for you….will be praying for you, too.

    -bills

  • Praying for you Lindsey.

    I’m excited to follow you, and your journey down there.

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  • Me too. To all of it.

  • I can’t wait to see what God does through you and in your heart on this trip. I’m excited for the move of God I know is coming for you! He’s gone ahead of you, He’ll be with you every step of the way and He’ll be there to help you process it on the flight back home.

    Great ready for a great adventure, Lindsey. 🙂

  • I so get this. Battling insecurities about next steps in life and actually having the courage and carving out the time to make those steps. It's so easy to make it all about me, when it should be all about Him. As your tweets come through, I will be praying for you to see Christ around you and that He is coming through you. I can't imagine how that would NOT happen. Bless you.
    My recent post Learning to Pray

  • What a great prayer, that God will work in us and through us, in spite of all of our doubts and insecurities. In two weeks I'll be speaking at a weekend gathering of young adults, and I share that prayer with you, Lindsey.

    I keep coming back to 2 Corinthians 12:9 – Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

    You and your team are in our thoughts and prayers!
    My recent post A Game of Cosmic “I Spy”

  • Mary Graham

    Good for you, Lindsey. You can't fight fear until look it square in the face — you're doing both well. You'll Love this trip and my prediction is it will be the first of many. Keep you heart wide open for the adventure that awaits you. You're SO READY for this (and those sweet children so ready for you!) Today's post is just the icing on the cake of all God has done to prepare you. ENJOY!

  • Lindsey….
    First off..praying for you and the team…May you be the hands and feet of Christ during your trip. And in this case, the words of Christ as well…

    Second off…FEAR stinks….fear has such a way to creep into our lives and takes over to a point some of paralyzing us. FEAR has no business in our life and we must continually conquer our fears. I know easier said than done… For me, I conquered two fears this weekend….one was running my first 5K and the other was climbing down a mountainside to get to a beautiful reward of a waterfall. In both situations, I wanted the goals but I let fear rob me of the pleasure (for a time period)…but in the end was victorious in overcoming.

    I look forward to reading about the trip…He WILL give you the words and the vision you need to have on this trip.

    Be Blessed and enjoy it!!
    S.
    My recent post The Last Rodeo

    • Thanks Sue! Congrats on the 5K and the mountain climb. (I hate going down hill on hikes that like.)

  • As someone who has been where you are at, I totally understand the "basket case" feeling. I think you will find that your heart will be overwhelmed by what your eyes capture, that the stories will flow from your heart to your hands. Besides – God is at work in you – He will write the stories for you. Blessings on your trip. I will be in prayer for you & your team.
    My recent post Snapshot of the Day- Yacht

  • Feeling all you are feeling and you are not alone and going with you to sing for the glory of the risen King, shining His light!

    (and I love you already, Lindsey! You write from the heart…)

    Basket cases that won’t hide our lights under the baskets! 🙂

    All’s grace,

    Ann

  • I would be feeling all the same things, if I were going. Praying for you and looking forward to reading everyone’s posts, including yours!

  • I’ll be praying for you and the others on your trip. I am looking forward to reading about the experience through YOUR eyes (your posts are great!) I’m sure I’d be a basket case too, considering I’ve lived a fairly (ok, very!) sheltered life and thinking about leaving the country is a scary enough thought for me. I think it is so awesome that you are taking this opportunity and “going with it” even though you are feeling fearful and insecure. Have a great time…can’t wait to hear all about it 🙂

    P.S. I know people will like you…you are a likaeble blogger/twitter person so I’m sure you are likeable “in real life” too 😉

  • Praying for you, the team, and the impact that being made there and around the world because of you having the courage to go and then share YOUR account of God at work in those moments and interactions. Only your eyes will see what you see and your heart will experience what it experiences, so as far as measuring up no one can write the story your visit will tell. Take good care!!
    My recent post You Could Have Heard a Pin Drop

  • jackeychapman

    you have so many prayers warriors covering you..you will be blessed for taking this big step..good travels and good health

  • Laura

    I am taking my 11 year old son to Guatemala City in 6 short weeks…teaching VBS, time in an orphanage, and so much more. I am feeling what you have been feeling and so ready to see Guatemala through your eyes this week. I am going to be praying for all of you and know God is doing something amazing.

    He is going to move mountains and is mighty to save!!!

  • Kendra Grubinski

    Thanks for your transparency, Lindsey!! Praying for you and the trip as a whole! Yes, it IS about you… YOU ARE GOING… And YOU will be the one experiencing all of it, and YOU are the one with fears and apprehension… and that's NORMAL!! Have a GREAT week! Can't wait to hear from YOU how it goes!!

  • thegypsymama

    Everything you just said – me too.

    I'm so glad we're in this together, Lindsey 🙂
    My recent post How to take your home with you

  • I'm going on a "faith journey" like yours soon, too! The place I'm going to isn't exactly the safest place to go to for Christians, so I've been plagued with worry. My friend encouraged me to meditate daily on Psalm 91, and it's really helped build my confidence and strength. Praying for you, Lindsey! Can't wait to read about your trip…I'm sure you'll chronicle it in your own unique and special way! 🙂
    My recent post Things I wish I learned when I was single A guest post by Samantha Johnson

    • Thanks for the Psalm 91 suggestion. I'm going to try that!

  • Nicole Unice

    I've been there (and stay there)…on both the insecurity and honesty front. Will be praying for your trip, and can't wait to live it vicariously.

  • Well, I just came across your blog while looking at the Compassion page and I love it. Anyone who is honest, makes me LAUGH, and loves the LORD gets to thumbs up. Not that it matters, but I'll be following your posts this week and I am sure they will be fab!!!
    My recent post Bloggers heading to Guatemala

    • stephanieinlex

      Lindsey, I was just catching up on some of your recent posts, was scrolling through your blog comments on this one, and saw my friend Amber-who-moved-to-Florida commenting! 🙂 The world, even the bloggy one, is very small. Hi Amber!

  • so glad you're on this trip. i hope you are encouraged today and reminded often that your words and expressions are merely heartfelt reflections of what you see. i pray these next few days are days full of surrender and peace as the Lord leads you and your team. can't wait to read more updates…say hi to everyone for me!

    LV
    My recent post Catalyst Prayer Journal- Unity

    • LV, your words saved me the other day. i so appreciate your friendship. thank you.

  • jcatron

    Praying for you to have an amazing trip, for God to calm your fears and insecurities and for you to see and experience everything He has for you this week.

    Oh and me… I never battle fear or insecurity 😉
    My recent post How are You Learning This Fall

    • Thanks for the prayers, the advice, and taking care of the pup!

  • Bless your heart! Never been here before, but I love to follow Compassion bloggers – when my heart can take it. I love your honesty – and so relate to the yucky parts – I fall prey to the same craziness. Praying for you and the group – and the people you'll encounter. Your words will matter – trust that. But I'm sure there's more to this trip…savor the journey.

  • Teena

    Thank you so much….. I love that song… but more than that it goes deep. ____I am following all of you….. praying. Thinking about all of you lots. ____so excited to read and God will equip you to write from your heart… like you always do. ____Hugs,__Teena

  • Lindsey, from reading your blog there are many things I can tell we have in common and that we'd be good friends. First off, our names! 🙂 Secondly, this summer I went on two mission trips back to back, clearly not on this scale, and before I left I felt ALL of the above! And I was a leader! Thank you for sharing your heart. I'm praying for each of you and am excited to read about all your experiences. Know that you are being prayed for!
    My recent post A weekend of labor- or lack thereof

  • tfdopie

    Lindsey, that song gets me every time too. Along with Tower of Refuge. (I thank that's the name of it.) I understand that you're saying here. Sometimes it's hard to remember that we need not worry about how we will be able to accomplish something, whether its just a trip, or putting that trip into words. God gives us the tools we need. Just like he did Moses. But that's so much easier said than done. Why is that? At any rate I'll be praying extra hard for you during this trip. I have no doubt that God will use this trip and you to fulfill His plan. So sit back have a good safe trip and enjoy the ride! God Bless.

  • Thanks Brad. It has been wonderful talking through the fear, the insecurity and the pressure with alumni. Comforting to know this isn't just a I'm kinda crazy thing. 🙂

  • amber cullum

    It's so true……to only expect the unexpected. Each mission trip I have gone on that has been the motto.

    I am glad you all have arrived safely. I look forward to reading of the work God will do in your heart and the hearts of all the people you meet throughout the week.

  • Love that song, gets me everytime. Guatemala is amazing! Get ready to sweat!

  • praying for you and the team as you take this journey
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