I wrote the following post a year ago today. (One of my favorite things about blogging is how it becomes a living record of where you have been, what you have done, and what you felt.)
In some ways I am still struggling with this sense of unease. And in some ways I am finally seeing what God was doing in me.
I don’t know really what it is. But something is definitely going on with me.
Probably the best way to explain it is to say I just don’t feel like myself. I feel like a stranger in my own skin. Or more accurately, I don’t feel like I am the same girl that I was last year, last week, or even last night.
I am smack dab in the middle of a season of change.
I am experiencing the pains that are representative of growth, but I can’t quite see the changes in the mirror. What used to fit now feels strangely uncomfortable like last year’s skinny jeans but I haven’t figured out what alternations need to be made to embrace the transformed me.
So here I sit in limbo land, not comfortable living in the past and not sure what the future holds, yet feeling strangely encouraged. Encouraged because I am confident that my discomfort is a road sign reassuring my path; my trepidation is a herald of the extraordinary adventure that lies ahead; my anxiousness a reminder that I am fully living in the present.
And I refuse to be a hostage to my past or my future.
“And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.” – 2 Corinthians 3:18 from The Message
Does any of this sound familiar to you? This kind of unfamiliar and scary, but exhilarating spell of change?