Looking Back

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I wrote the following post a year ago today. (One of my favorite things about blogging is how it becomes a living record of where you have been, what you have done, and what you felt.)

In some ways I am still struggling with this sense of unease. And in some ways I am finally seeing what God was doing in me.

I don’t know really what it is. But something is definitely going on with me.

Probably the best way to explain it is to say I just don’t feel like myself. I feel like a stranger in my own skin. Or more accurately, I don’t feel like I am the same girl that I was last year, last week, or even last night.

I am smack dab in the middle of a season of change.

I am experiencing the pains that are representative of growth, but I can’t quite see the changes in the mirror. What used to fit now feels strangely uncomfortable like last year’s skinny jeans but I haven’t figured out what alternations need to be made to embrace the transformed me.

So here I sit in limbo land, not comfortable living in the past and not sure what the future holds, yet feeling strangely encouraged. Encouraged because I am confident that my discomfort is a road sign reassuring my path; my trepidation is a herald of the extraordinary adventure that lies ahead; my anxiousness a reminder that I am fully living in the present.

And I refuse to be a hostage to my past or my future.

“And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.” – 2 Corinthians 3:18 from The Message

Does any of this sound familiar to you? This kind of unfamiliar and scary, but exhilarating spell of change?

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Lindsey has a sincere love for her precious dogs Molly and Maisy, a good red wine and the Delta Sky Club. She spends her days (and some nights) laboring to end childhood hunger at Feed the Children and to gather, equip and unleash women at IF:Gathering.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Chris R. Smith

    Wow!!! I hear you on the change thing. I also feel like I’m sorta at an crosswind of figuring out what God wants me to do, and in which direction I should go. I think that some times it’s east to get caught up in it all. It’s also frustrating. I am trying to focus on the future part though and not as much time dwelling on where I’ve been. It’s a way of me trying to trust that what ever has already been was God preparing me for what lays ahead. After all the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror for a reason. It’s kinda neat how God can twist and turn different situations to fit His plan!

  • Deb

    I'm there right now. And am somewhat just enjoying the ride letting it unfold, seeing what God is doing. I am filled with a sense of wonder and adventure in seeing where it's all going. Of course, the timing could speed up a bit and I'd be okay with that. 😉

  • I think you read my diary! Oh how I can relate. I’m so grateful I came across this though because reading the reasons why you are enouraged by this transitional season are so challenging! Such a better perspective than the “woe is me!” mentality I tend to default to. Thanks so much for this Lindsey.

  • Kiersten Johnson

    I have been going the same things for the last 5 months. People dying (my dear grandfather who helped raise me), people moving (my brother and his family) and just change in my life as well. It is the hardest place to be because you don't know where you are going! I am with you on this and it is hard! But I try to remember the Lord does not want us to stay in one place but to grow in him.

  • Yep! This sounds very similar to me. I am not a big fan of change but as you said "not comfortable living in the past and not sure what the future holds, yet feeling strangely encouraged." This is exactly where I am today!
    My recent post Life Risk

  • im in shift right now too. yes, i know exactly what you mean

    part of my crazy, transition year has been getting to know you and i'm so glad i did. love you.
    My recent post God of the THIRD Chances

  • Sasha Behrens

    This resonates with where I am at exactly. I feel the change, I look in the mirror and it isn't quite me-but it is. I question where I am and where I am headed. I pray for God's light to just shine right at the end of my toes so I know I am following His path and not forcing my own. I have prayed for my world to be shaken, to have uncomfortable-ness in order to grow with Him, and here I am in the middle of it, and I feel completely lost one moment and in another I feel the abundance of life and the love God shares. My feet and head want to keep moving, but there is often a voice saying be still and listen. I will continue to fully embrace now, in this season of change, and a season of growth so that I can come out saying, yes I do trust God.
    Thanks for sharing where you are!

  • I often find that looking back like this prepares me for what's ahead. To see how God has worked in my past in the middle of all my doubt and uncertainty encourages me that He will continue, and can be trusted completely. Just like you said, Lindsey, the future is still unfamiliar and scary, but it's exciting to think also about what God has in store!
    My recent post If You’re Happy and You Know It

  • Ashley Williams

    This is my week. And more importantly, my life right now. Thanks for sharing. Oiy.

  • Chrystie

    I would say I feel similarly. Some things are definitely shifting in my life. I don't think I am holding onto the past…but I'm not yet embracing the uncertainty of the future. I am in a season of quiet. Both my mind and my heart are still. Not necessarily at rest, but still. Not sure that even makes any sense. It's like I am staring at a now blank dry erase board and wondering what's next.
    My recent post Fruit Basket Turned Upside Down

  • Amy

    This was me a few weeks ago. Today, I feel completely defeated and discouraged. Tomorrow though, I'll probably be back to this. It's how life goes sometimes… Ups, downs, and everything in between.

    My recent post Hopeless