Helping Others Help You

Sometimes it is not easy (read: it is almost impossible) to admit that we could use a little help. We are so used to surviving, to doing it ourselves, to acting as if we have it all under control. But every now and then we, or at least me, need a helping hand.

Last week my coaching group gave me some homework that made me REALLY uncomfortable. I had to enlist the help of my friends to help me meet someone. (Ugh. Can you imagine? Could anything be more humiliating?) But I knew that come Tuesday, I would be asked about it and I am a dependable sort of girl, the kind who gets her homework done.

So I did. I sent out this really incredibly awkward email to a handful of friends and family members. And I asked them to do three things: 1. Pray for me. 2. Speak truth into my life. 3. If they know someone I need to meet, make the connection. (There was more but that was the basic gist.)

Sending that email was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I am so accustomed to being the helper, I felt so incredibly vulnerable with the role reversal. But right after I pressed send, I felt peace, soothing wonderful peace.

Still I wasn’t sure how people would receive my pleas.

But so far their response has exceeded my wildest expectations. They feel enlisted and empowered to speak into my life. They have commended me for my courage. And they have already begun acting on my behalf. (And yes, this makes me uncomfortable too, but it also makes me feel loved. So I have decided I am not going to let a little discomfort get between me and my dreams.)

And from now on I am going TO TRY to be better at helping others help me.

Is there an area of your life where you need a little help? How can you help others help you?

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Lindsey has a sincere love for her precious dogs Molly and Maisy, a good red wine and the Delta Sky Club. She spends her days (and some nights) laboring to end childhood hunger at Feed the Children and to gather, equip and unleash women at IF:Gathering.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • I'm beyond proud of you. You are brilliant and I hope to be the flower girl in your wedding one day 😉

    Five days and counting…

    My recent post mentoring- dating- putting it out there…

  • Aaron Armstrong

    Good post, Lindsey. It takes a great deal of humility to ask and accept help from others, something that I (like many others) struggle with unceasingly. Fortunately, God put a good group of guys around me who periodically give me a kick when I need it (which is my subtle way of answering the questions you posed at the end of the post).
    My recent post The F Word

  • I don't know if you've written a book yet, but I think if you were to chronicle your experiences on this journey it would make an amazing story. Especially if you include the inevitable happy ending! 🙂
    My recent post Driving Mr Whittaker- So Much Cooler Than Ms Daisy

  • So proud Lindsey! And I think you rock too! Lots of love x
    My recent post Whatever happened to Everywoman…

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  • Good for you! And thanks for the encouragement to be willing to ask for help … I also prefer to be the helper, not to ask for help.
    My recent post Mental Gymnastics

  • Calin Valean

    Nice point touched there. Driven by a good motivation to help others, we often forget to ask of help when need it or sometimes we are too proud to admit we need it.

  • what a humbling experience….but have total confidence that God will have everything and everyone lined up perfectly to carry this plan through. So proud of you….and you should be proud of you too. 😉
    My recent post Word of God Speak

  • Great post, Lindsey! you tackled some core truth. You asked others to speak into your life. You risked a lot of trust in asking people to speak into your life, as well as, connecting you with other people. That seems like a huge deal to me.

    Asking for help is such a foreign concept to me. I am the helper by nature, and probably some habit. It is even harder for me to ask for help in a trusting manner. Way to risk, friend. Hope you are being loved on well while asking for help.

    • You are such an amazing helper Tracee. I am sure everyone would love the opportunity to return the love.

  • Great point. It’s hard to let go. I’ve learned, and continue to learn, the hard way myself. Others want to help, if we just give them the opportunity.

  • Learning

    So Lindsey. . . I’ve been a silent reader of your blog via Twitter for a while now. I need to chime in and say THANK YOU!! You say the things about singleness I am unwilling to say aloud, but they too are the cry of my heart. You challenge me to live a life of transparency and vulnerability and are much farther along on this journey than I am. Regardless, I am learning from you and am grateful to you. Your journey has helped this fellow traveller more than you know! You are right that one of the the most impossible things for a helper to do is to ask for help for themselves.

    • Thanks so much for speaking up. I'm glad the posts have been comforting. I know that just putting it out "there" has helped me process my thoughts and feelings around this season.

  • Ashley W.

    Wow, I loved this Lindsey! I am very much the same way. And have a very hard time asking people for help. I usually wait until my situation is near destruction and then I ask for help and the person is like oh gosh- you should have asked for A before the situation gets to this. UGH. I am emailing this post to my close circle and giving them permission to speak some truth in my life! Thanks so much for being so willing to share your heart. LOVE IT!

  • That is brilliant…I love that you were forced to get out of your comfort zone. I'm certain that God will bless you for it. And at the very least, you get a visual representation of how much your friends love you, even if Mr. Right doesn't show up right away! : )

    I hope I'm next on Bianca's yenta list. ; )
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  • I definitely struggle with this too. It is so much easier to help other people than it is to have people help me. I guess to some degree it comes down to pride and the unwillingness to be authentic with others. God is definitely doing some work in this area in my life right now.
    My recent post Would Jesus be welcome in your church

  • Thanks for being my go-to blog editor…

  • SpenceSmith

    i'm impressed and inspired. It seems you are always moving forward in ways the make others like me to do more than i ever thought. I liked your post:)

  • Shay

    Just what I needed to hear! I have an idea to make a list of my single friends and ask them to pray for everyone on the list (which includes me). We'll see what happens!
    Your words have been such a comfort! Thank you!

  • juliebmack

    Great post, Lindsey! That is a good idea actually. I am similar and want to do everything myself! I hate asking for help. But, I have learned over the years that sometimes we just can't do it all! My areas I need help in is actually making the right connections! I am currently looking for help on getting an online business started, staying motivated to write a book, and simply keeping me focused and not overwhelmed! Thanks for sharing!
    My recent post Get 25 Discount on Top ProBlogger eBooks NoW!

  • Amy

    I'm in a ton of trouble finanacially. I've tried everything to get out of the hole, but after 2 years of unemployment, I landed a job that pays slightly less than what I was getting from the government (which is slightly less than half of what I made at my last job) and I'm running out of options. Today I got the news that the last option I had isn't going to work either. But to be honest, I don't even know who to ask for help. And to be even more honest, I don't understand why God isn't helping… It's really embarassing to be in need, especially for a person who was always the one to be generous when she saw others in need. This hurts.

    My recent post More than someday

  • So interesting to hear how this all came about! I thought Bianca's post was amazing and I hope it will lead to some good men for you to meet.

    It is definitely hard to ask for help. As a single, I've become used to doing so many things on my own, even the things I don't want to do. It catches me off-guard when people want to help carry the load. I think the area I struggle with the most right now is being single but I'm not sure I could ask my friends or family to do what you've asked yours to do. I've always been open to being set up but rarely have there been any possibilites. Maybe I could just meet some of the guys you don't like:)
    My recent post A New Way of Dressing

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  • Kelly

    This is definitely something I need to do better. When I went through chemotherapy, I had a hard time asking for help and receiving help from others.