It crept back in. Slowly infiltrating my thoughts and stealing my joy.
“You are an outsider,” it screams.
“You are unloved, inconsequentional, and uninvited,” it adds.
“If you don’t keep fighting, keep performing, keep overextending yourself, people will forget you,” it confirms my deepest fears.
I wrestle with the voices. Argue with this dark shadow of myself. Hate that I, at 36, can still possess these feelings…these adolescent feelings. And wonder how to banish them away again, for an eternity this time.
Have I not grown at all since those awkward years?
How can these age old lies still haunt me?
They aren’t lies aren’t they?!?
Please tell me THEY ARE LIES.
I look up.
I ask for God to give me peace.
I beg Him to remind me that His approval is all I need, to allow me to rest, and to give me the wisdom to discern the lies, the insecurity, the voices from His beautiful truth.
Please God let me rest in your love.
“The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
Quiet me with Your love.
Rejoice over me with singing.
Beautiful singing that will flush out the voices. The lies. The insecurity.
When was the last time you felt insecure?