To the small group leader who suggests four times at the fall kick-off meeting that they just really want this to be convenient for the families…
To the pastor who on Sunday morning casually equates maturity with marriage…
To the conference planner who doesn’t fight to find and include single voices — not so that they can talk about singleness per se but so that not all references and stories have to do with marriage and parenting…
I need you to know something.
It is hard to be single in the Church today.
Like real hard.
Like maybe even harder than it is to be single and not in Church.
Don’t just take my word for it — ask your single Christian friends — scour the internet — Church can leave us single folk feeling isolated, misunderstood, and even a little disrespected. It can leave us questioning God’s goodness, His plans, and even our worthiness of love.
And truth be known, a lot of us aren’t single by choice. A lot of us are single because…well, who knows why. Maybe we are single because we have been so focused on doing our thing(s), following God’s prompting(s), and being faithful in the thing(s) right in front of us today that we haven’t met that person that is up for the challenge of running alongside us?!?
We are tired. Weary. Alone {well, not as much alone as spouse-less}.
And we need the Church to see us and to welcome us.
We need the Church to know that we aren’t stuck in extended adolescence but juggling various responsibilities without a spouse’s help.
We need the Church to cast a vision for intimacy with our “brothers and sisters” that goes beyond getting married and having 1.9 kids.
We need the Church to not just take our time and resources but recognize us as a demographic that is worthy of it’s time and resources.
And we need the Church to see us as vital parts of the body.
4-6 In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we’re talking about is Christ’s body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn’t amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t. Romans 12:4-6, The Message
I write all this not to bash the Church because I LOVE the Church. I write this because these thoughts have been stirring in my head A LOT lately and I needed to at the very least start a healthy dialogue around singleness and the church.
I hope over the coming weeks and months to talk more about the reality many single Christians face, to introduce you some of my incredible friends who are asking similar questions and facing similar challenges, and to encourage us all to be what we were made to be, do what we were made to do — even if it breaks some traditional molds.
If you are single, I’d love to hear more about your experiences, good and bad, in the Church.
If you are married, I’d love to hear things you have done to make singles feel welcomed into your lives and/or into the Church.
Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.