Church and the Single Girl, Part 2

I have been avoiding this. This processing, this writing, this — dare I say it, I really don’t want it to be — calling.

After my last post, I have felt so BURDENED.

I thought that I felt burdened before, that I needed to write those words, and that I needed to publish them but then once they were out there on the internet they seemed to have a life of their own.

People read “Church and the Single Girl”, they shared it, and more than a hundred of you shared your stories of singleness and the Church. {I urge you if you haven’t — especially if you are a ministry leader, please take some time and browse through them.}

I read every single comment…

Like this from Renae: “The hurt I feel going to church is just not worth it.”

Like this from Cal: “Speaking as a married Christian, I observe that the singles who call themselves “Christian” are just as narcissistic as singles who claim no religion at all. They’re just as likely to sleep around as non-Christians.”

…and my heart broke. And I realized what may have been obvious to you, this whole thing is bigger, harder, and more complicated than I imagined.

I cowered just a bit — okay, maybe I cowered a lot. I used all the excuses — work, the holidays, family, my lack of knowledge on what needs to happen next — to avoid delving back into the topic of singleness.

But the more I wrestle with how to help, the more I become convinced that the answers are painfully simple.

  • We must love better.
  • We must listen better.
  • We must stop jumping to conclusions and put away our preconceived notions.
  • We must push our anger, our grumbling, and our fear aside and let others into our pain, our struggles, and our dreams.
  • We must step outside our comfort zones and build diverse relationships with people who are playing different roles and facing different challenges.
  • We must reevaluate the false narratives we believe and reexamine Truth.
  • We must stop trying to find wholeness from our jobs, from our spouses, from our children, and embrace the true wholeness we find in Christ.
  • And we must figure out what it looks like to begin to see men and women as our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Easier said than done.

I know this.

I know this — just as well as the next girl — but I believe this a part of what we we as Christians are called to and we will all feel a little less lonely for trying.

Case in point, a couple of nights ago was New Years Eve — not my favorite holiday by any stretch. It always feels stressful. Especially as a single person. Do I go get dressed up and go to a party? It sounds so exhausting and so loaded with expectations. Do I stay in? It sounds so pathetic to be alone as I ring in the New Year. What will other people think? Do I need to go find Prince Charming under whatever proverbial rock he has been hiding? Maybe this is why I am single, because I can’t make a decision about New Years Eve? Ugh!

I went back and forth and back and forth and finally landed on wanting to find a small group of friends to enjoy some good food and good conversation. So I asked around. An invitation was extended, but more than that I was welcomed, to join this crew of married women and their spouses at dinner.

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It would’ve been so easy for them to say they were just doing something with couples. It would’ve been so easy for me to say I didn’t really feel like being the odd woman out. And yes, it could’ve been awkward — our party of 9, me being the only single person at the table — but it was just beautiful.

We reminisced on who we had been in 2015 and who we wanted to become in 2016. And I realized some things at that dinner table — I want to continue to lean into the hard situations and conversations. I want to courageously share my heart and give others the gift of going second. I want to love and to be loved. A husband may or may not be on the books for me — this year or ever — but that will not limit the places I go, the things I do, or the person I am becoming.

As we hurried to settle the bill and move on to our little after-party, a friend’s husband leaned over and said, “your bill has been taken care of.” Their simple acts of generosity and inclusion left me overwhelmed with gratitude and hopeful for a world where we truly live as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Let’s love like that, friends. Boldly. Courageously. Generously. Compassionately. Tenderly. Gracefully. Because that is how Christ taught us.

Your turn — What did you do for New Years? And if you are willing, I’d love to hear a little about who you want to be in 2016?

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Lindsey has a sincere love for her precious dogs Molly and Maisy, a good red wine and the Delta Sky Club. She spends her days (and some nights) laboring to end childhood hunger at Feed the Children and to gather, equip and unleash women at IF:Gathering.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • LW

    I love what you said about singleness not limiting what you are going to do. This year I am looking into going through the foster certification process (something I’ve always wanted to do, but never thought I would do as a single!). This year I want to be someone who is intentional.

    • lindseyrnobles

      Love it! So brave.

    • I love this too. I’ve also been looking into fostering, but not in a place where I’m able to do it at the moment.

  • Hi Lindsey,

    I too, have not had the courage to write on this topic. When you first wrote, I was like “i hear you sister”. I spent new year with the family that I like to think of myself as an honourary member of. Yep, they are married, they have kids, and yet they have invited me to spend holiday with them and other families, they have thrown surprise things for my birthday, they have let me babysit their kids and take them out for treats, and when we talk about the big and little things in life I never feel like I’m any less of a person because I’m single and they are married with children. It’s just family. There was another friend there too, also single.

    Who do I want to be in 2016? I want to be me still, and not feel like I’m rubbish because I’m not what people would prefer me to be so that being friends was easier and simpler. But also, I want to be more connected into local church again, and gathering regularly with other believers to study God’s word together, to pray, to sing songs old and new. I also want to continue to read books, love art, find new music, go to the cinema and sit in cafe with friends of all walks of life and beliefs as we try to put the world to rights. To journey with on this thing called ‘life’.

    Best wishes for your own journey and finding people to do it with. I firmly believe that being single doesn’t have to equate to aloneness. But too often in church…it does.

    • lindseyrnobles

      Here’s to an incredible 2016. Be you! The world needs you. 🙂

  • Erin R.

    Thank you for sharing. I was invited to a big party, but I actually chose to stay home with my parents and nephews. It would’ve been a lot more enticing to go to the party if I was married or had a date. But I had no regrets at all staying in and had a blast with my family. I read your other post, too, and definitely can relate. Either with my own life or what I’ve observed in others. One of the hardest things for me is that my married friends don’t include me in plans where couples are involved. I wouldn’t personally be uncomfortable, and I don’t think they are trying to exclude me, I just don’t think they consider inviting me. Also, I’ve let numerous friends know that I would love to get together with them and their kids, even bring my nephews, and even to kids birthday parties. I’ve shared that I would love to be included. It took some guts to admit to them that I was feeling left out. I’ve shared this with a lot of women and only a few of them have followed through on this over the past few years. I know that many plans are made while they are at a school function, or at an after-school activity with their kids. I trust that many times my name just doesn’t come up when plans are being made and it’s not because they don’t want me around. I really believe that if I start to date someone or get married, that I will be included in a lot more social stuff. I will welcome it and always remember how it feels to be the single friend. Most of my friends married young, so they can’t relate to my life and I get that. Having said all of this – I am so thankful that I live close to my family and I get to spend a lot of evenings and weekends with them. Thanks for sharing, Lindsey. Please keep this conversation going. – Erin

    • Erin

      PS… I LOVE my life. I’ve had such incredible experiences, including living in Nigeria for 4 yrs, that I wouldn’t trade for anything!!! I recognize so many benefits to being single and am so thankful for the 90% of the time that I am content. Thanks for giving me a space to share, though, and to not feel alone in the times when I struggle.

      • lindseyrnobles

        I feel ya! 🙂

        • Erin

          I know! We are both living such rich lives. He is faithful and He is SO FUN!!

    • lindseyrnobles

      If I am honest, this is something I have had to fight for more in Austin than in Nashville — where it seemed more natural. Don’t think it’s out of spite, just convenience. Keep sharing your heart and your desire to be a part. I think it takes awhile to sink it that a kid’s birthday party or a low key evening with a few couples would be fun for a single person. Especially one who has a life as full as you!

      • Erin

        Yes, a few times friends have said they think I’d be so bored at a kids party or make some statement about me being so busy. I reply that I love being with my friends and to please invite me and also that yes, I have a full schedule, but I fill it intentionally and always love to include times with friends on there.

    • Sarah

      I feel the same way about being invited to things! I feel as though I’m the friend people hang out with when their husband is out of town or working late. Sometimes I just need some dudes at the table to mix up the conversation.

  • Lindsay

    I was also the only single at a party of 10 married friends (5 couples). We ate dinner and played cards and toasted at midnight. It was nice to be invited and included, because that’s typically not the case, and we had a great time together! I do have some goals for the year, but overall, I’m going to continue to make the most of this life God has given me, praise him for all the blessings, ask him to carry my pain and my wrestling, and try my hardest to keep waiting well…which isn’t easy at 35 years old! 🙂

    • lindseyrnobles

      Hoping for big things ahead for you Lindsay!

  • Lauren

    Actually spent New Year’s at home, visiting my Mom. All of my friends back home were sick anyway, and she doesn’t like to be alone since my dad passed away. SO… we got take-out and watched TV and I got some work done in my pj’s. It was fine. There’s still that “omg you’re so lame… you’re single on new year’s” thing… even if you pretend there’s not. I hate New Year’s, in fact. But we celebrated with our extended family for brunch the next day and so that was very very nice.

    For me, 2016 is all about figuring out my “Why”. I’ve been given so many new opportunities and been called to lead this past year… God is doing amazing things that I couldn’t have thought of… and it’s just the tip of the iceberg. However, a lot of responsibility comes with that, and that’s where I have felt unfocused and overwhelmed. Determined this year to find out who I am in Christ, who he has called me to be and be confident in my calling regardless of the challenges I will face. Cheers to 2016! 🙂

    • lindseyrnobles

      Awesome Lauren!

  • Jason Gordon

    Having been “single again” until about 2 years ago, I felt these things in the church and I have served on staff at churches over the last 15 years.
    Here’s the thing I know…married or single, the thing we have in common – we are relationally broken people. It impacts our spirituality. It impacts our sexuality. It impacts every single one of our relationships. The other thing I know – we need one another, married and single.

    • lindseyrnobles

      So good Jason!

  • Sarah

    I spent the night with my two other single friends playing mexican train dominoes and watching quality stand up comedians and we had fun. Lindsey can I just tell you thank you for writing this and being brave. I think a lot of us hesitate to write/speak on this topic because 1. we don’t want to sound like we’re whining about it and 2. We don’t want to seek out being single but it so needs to be out on the table for discussion. If you ever need a diverse tribe of single girls to consult I have a good one. You are so right on the church emphasizing who we are as individuals in Christ. I’d hug you but I’m 4 states away.

    • lindseyrnobles

      Thank you Sarah!

  • Marci Thomas

    I spent NYE at home. I didn’t make plans because I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and I think I was secretly hoping that someone would extend the invitation so I didn’t have to get myself invited out. I took down Christmas decorations and cleaned out my closet for things to donate. And then I sat on the couch and worked on a needlepoint project for hours & completely missed the GA Peach & NYE Ball drop. At one point, I looked up and realized that it was 12:11am, and so I went to bed. It was a peaceful night. I’ve chosen JOY as my word for 2016. I want to be known for joy. 2015 was about LOVE, which has brought me to a place of such great joy, that I want to share that & be known for that this year.

    • lindseyrnobles

      Love it Marci!

  • Whitney Porter

    I actually went back and forth on NYE for the same reason, every year I go to the same party and watch the same people dance with their significant others and then I go home. Great group of people, but a bit exhausting. But then I decided to have a brain shift and just go with the flow. Being single is hard enough without self-sabotage. Low key dinner with friends (most married) and then out after the ball dropped to be a crazy, hilarious dancing 30-year-old who knows every word to every Bieber song played. And it was great.

    2016 has me wanting to be me without apology. I feel like so often I try to be something else, or I apologize that I’m not quite what everyone else is because #noringbyspring. Last year I attended IF in Austin as a single women who knew no one else and roomed with the married ladies with kids. They were wonderful! And somehow from that my take away was that I want to tell my story; I want to tell the stories of the many single women in the church that do big things and make courageous life decisions, but how we still need our church family and we still want to be included. How that is going to happen, I have no idea, but I bet it will be fun finding out. 🙂

    • lindseyrnobles

      Love it. Can’t wait to hear more!

  • Lisa

    I babysat for a family that I love! As a single person, I felt honored and privileged to be able to watch the kids as the parents had a night out. I’m not a big NYE person so it was the perfect night for me! And the couple paid extra for it being a Holiday… what what!!! In 2016, I want to be nice and considerate of others. Make use of my time wisely. Celebrate and love others well. Be daring and stretch myself out of my comfort zone. Continue to take risks! Happy New Year! Praying for all us as we tacke being single in the Church!

    • lindseyrnobles

      Happy New Year!

  • Melissa

    NYE is my birthday, which sucks on so many levels that I cannot simply begin to list them all.
    And I could have wallowed. I felt like wallowing. Like playing All By Myself and eating straight out of the tub of ice cream type of wallowing.

    But I didn’t. I invited friends, most I knew wouldn’t show up because it is NYE. Four did show, two couldn’t make it but took me to lunch and one spent the night while I fell asleep on the couch watching P&P.

    I don’t know how to explain it, I always heard that 40 is when you come into your own and are free of expectations that are often dictated by others, but that morning I woke up feeling that. Empowered. Free.

    As far as 2016 goes, God is on the move. My goal is to move when He moves. Stay where He stays. Embrace His discipline, Revel in His freedom. And continue to be brave.

    I’m 36. Single. Beloved.

    • lindseyrnobles

      Happy belated birthday! You are beloved.

  • I’m so happy I got to catch up with you for a few on NYE!

    I do not have any experience as a single woman in the church, but I don’t think it’s just single women who are sometimes excluded. There have been more than a few times I have felt alone or invisible or judged because I was different from most women in my church. I felt these things when I got married at 19. And years later when I struggled with infertility. And more recently when as a mom of four, I went back to work outside the home.

    Many churches don’t just focus on families, they focus on families who look a certain way. It’s hard when God’s calling for our lives mean we don’t fit in this box. But it shouldn’t be, right?!

    I haven’t had a lot of time to think about 2016 yet. But as I look forward to this year, I think God’s asking me to be courageous in building relationships with women who are “playing different roles and facing different challenges” than me.

    • lindseyrnobles

      Loved catching up Sara Brinton! I agree…it’s a focus on families that we don’t necessarily measure up to.

  • Elizabeth Hagan

    Thanks so much for this post! Two comments:
    1. As a married person I grieve when my single friends get married not because I am unhappy for their new partnership but because I often loose access to them as friends. Most of Kevin’s (my husband) and my best friends are single) because they are the ones who can / want to hang out with us regularly & we love that!
    2. As a woman without children in the church I feel often as you do… I don’t fit in transitional “mom’s” groups and without a kid it’s like I am deigned my entry into a club I really want to be in. I want to have kids so there’s grief in my childless state but I think greater grief in loss of community every time one of my married friends says “I am pregnant”

    Oh and I spent NYE on the couch with some extented family. Low key and lovely!

    • lindseyrnobles

      Miss y’all,
      Elizabeth Hagan!

  • Jordan Taylor

    “A husband may or may not be on the books for me — this year or ever — but that will not limit the places I go, the things I do, or the person I am becoming.” YES. Thanks for that. So much culture acts like our lives “begin” when we get married. Why can’t I live the life Jesus gives me now, without a husband? Scripture doesn’t say he came to give me life abundant only when I had a ring on my finger. Yet so much of Christian culture perpetuates that we aren’t whole unless we’re coupled. I see it changing, but it’s still hard.

    As for NYE plans, was originally going with my best friend’s fam to see Kings of leon perform (perks of being a Nashvillian) but they had to cancel last minute so I just stayed home with my pups. Took a nap, wrote a blog post.

    Who I want to be in 2016? A college graduate, mostly. 😉 but really: graduating a year late, I kinda want to be DONE. Besides that: I want to be able and willing to reach out in community more. This year community was basically null– didn’t have a church community, lived at home 40 mins away from my community of friends/college community. It was hard to be active when community was hard to come by. I want to be more open and honest about where I’m at, and be willing to ask for help when I need it. And I want to be someone that is trusting and willing to open my hands to what God has in store. Last year my plans fell apart– and now I’ve been trying to figure out how to put the pieces back together. I’m terrified because I don’t have a plan for a grown up job or graduate school or anything after I graduate– after having plans for YEARS. (teaching. it didn’t work out). I know He has plans- I just want to know what they are. 😉 But I want to be trusting and willing to let my plans and worries about the future go; but it’s hard after watching my plans literally fall apart last year– I’m scared to let go because of how burned I was. Sigh.

    Please keep sharing. I learn so much from your words and vulnerability.

    • lindseyrnobles

      Thanks Jordan. Hoping for big things for you for 2016!

  • Cassie Stephan

    I did laundry and went to bed early. I have never been one to celebrate NYE so it was perfect for me. As I get older I just find so much freedom in choosing to do my own thing and not having to explain myself.

    2016 I plan on taking a step back. I have recently had a realization that a lot of the things I do in ministry I do because I simply want to keep busy. I know this is not what God wants from me or his kingdom. This year I will be searching for the place god is calling me to. Going back to school? New job? New roommates? Less time at church and more time being with Him? I don’t know the answers yet but I’m excited to find them.

    • lindseyrnobles

      A step back — sounds just right.

  • Amy

    I spent NYE with some friends, mostly couples but had a grand ol time. (And almost fell asleep before 12!) I love that your friends invited you out- I have a married couple in my life with 3 kids that invite me to EVERYTHING. They are such a sweet blessing in my life!

    I loved every single word you said, both in this post and the last. I have had so many conversations with the Lord about this. “When?” “Who?” “WHY IS THIS NOT HAPPENING?!” 🙂 I go to a very large church and we do house churches- based on location, not demographic, but yet I’m still in a HC with mostly married people. I love them and cherish my time with them so much, but in the back of my mind I wonder, “How does a Christ following girl meet a Christ following guy these days?” Some of my friends did the whole online thing…nope. Not for me. Some friends hit up the bars. No thanks. There has GOT to be a way to connect with people. I just don’t know what it is. So, I wait with eyes open- pursuing Christ and praying that His will be done- whether that means spouse or not. It’s so hard and some days are better than others, but I’m glad that you (and others like my girl, Annie Downs) are stirring up the conversation about this.

    • lindseyrnobles

      Let me know what you figure out! 🙂

  • Jenni Flood Eastin

    love this. “nothing can keep me from what i am becoming.” happy new year..

    • lindseyrnobles

      You too Jenni!

  • Jodi Hamre

    Thank you Lindsey!.

    I also anguished over ‘going out’ for NYE or staying in and feeling sorry for myself. This last NYE was wonderful because the anticipation of ‘finding Mr. Right’ didn’t even enter my mind. I threw a party with my single friends and we played games and just enjoyed each others’ company. I tell you it was FREEING. It has definitely taken a lot of work on the Lords part to get me here.
    I am turning 30 this year, which has forced me to reckon with the fact that all my life I assumed I would marry in my twenties. I am single, not in any romantic relationships either. It used to be my sole focus when I met any person of the opposite sex. The reflex to check for a ring was instinctual. It was habit to then inquire about his demographics to engage in conversation as a way of eventually finding out if he was available and if I was interested. This is exhausting. It became apparent to me how selfish this was and how any relationship that came out of this mindset would be so inauthentic. I knew that I did not long for the kind of relationships I see in the world, yet I was seeking to meet ‘the one’ the same way I saw in the media. By seeking after that relationship rather than the one with Christ. It still enters my mind when I meet someone, but I now refer to passages in scripture about taking each thought captive for Christ and how Ephesians and Corinthians describe that we are to love one another. My favorite is the one that comes from Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” It is definitely a process, but this is the person I want to be in 2016. The person who runs to Christ first in her mind in order to love others the way she ought to and as you described; freely.

    • lindseyrnobles

      Really good Jodi!

  • Beth Cameron

    I don’t love NYE either…and for the same reasons. It feels like if the night is anything short of EPIC then it’s a total failure. No thanks, I’ll be having a date with Netflix. But I was invited by a friend to join some ladies for an early dinner at restaurant that I’d been wanting try so I thought, why not? All the ladies knew each other already from small groups at another church, but no matter, they welcomed me and it turned out we had several similar interests and mutual friends. Touch points led to laughter and unexpected camaraderie. It was a lovely night. By the end of the night I was telling them about going to Orlando for the IF Leadership Conference and the details of IF: RVA. Good food, fellowship, new connections made and I was still in my PJ’s by 8:30.

    • lindseyrnobles

      Love it!

  • Rebekah Reese

    Whew I am so glad I am not the only one to struggle with the NYE situation of going out or staying in! Thank you Lindsey for your open and honesty. I love this.

    I have always loved the Bible story from Daniel where Shad, Mesh & Abend (i just shortened their names, it’s easier! ha) are about to be thrown in the furnace and they basically say, “God can, God will, but even if He doesn’t, He’s still God, He’s still good.” (my version of it, with a little help from matt chandler 🙂 ) I always use this when talking to other single ladies. I am believing God can bring me a husband, make me mother, I believe He will make me a wife and a mother, BUT even if He DOESN’T He’s still God, He’s still good and still worthy of all my praise. I choose to hold to this despite they pressure I may sometimes feel in the church and in our culture today.

    I am 30 and single. I am believing in 2016 not for a man tho, not because I don’t want one or I don’t need one. I am believing God for greater vision and dreams that will last beyond this lifetime. I work for a non-profit Consulting that mainly works with churches and other non-profits. I love what I get to do, but the greatest thing about what I get to do is seeing people who are far from God, come to know Jesus and single or not that is the greatest joy. So in 2016 I want to see over 6,000 people give their lives to Jesus and get plugged into an amazing healthy growing church that loves them. I am not trying to be super spiritual like not getting married doesn’t have it’s own hurts and struggles, because there are days and seasons when that couldn’t be more real, but I don’t want to live this year thinking about what I don’t have, or what God hasn’t given me yet, I want to focus on more, something greater than me!

  • Rebekah Reese

    Whew I am so glad I am not the only one to struggle with the NYE situation of going out or staying in! Thank you Lindsey for your open and honesty. I love this.

    I have always loved the Bible story from Daniel where Shad, Mesh & Abend (i just shortened their names, it’s easier! ha) are about to be thrown in the furnace and they basically say, “God can, God will, but even if He doesn’t, He’s still God, He’s still good.” (my version of it, with a little help from matt chandler 🙂 ) I always use this when talking to other single ladies. I am believing God can bring me a husband, make me mother, I believe He will make me a wife and a mother, BUT even if He DOESN’T He’s still God, He’s still good and still worthy of all my praise. I choose to hold to this despite they pressure I may sometimes feel in the church and in our culture today.

    I am 30 and single. I am believing in 2016 not for a man tho, not because I don’t want one or I don’t need one. I am believing God for greater vision and dreams that will last beyond this lifetime. I work for a non-profit Consulting that mainly works with churches and other non-profits. I love what I get to do, but the greatest thing about what I get to do is seeing people who are far from God, come to know Jesus and single or not that is the greatest joy. So in 2016 I want to see over 6,000 people give their lives to Jesus and get plugged into an amazing healthy growing church that loves them.

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  • Bevin

    This is certainly something the Lord wanted me to see. I stumbled onto your blog after seeing you speak to your friends around a table at IF:Gathering yesterday. It is so difficult to be a single Christian woman, and I feel like it just gets harder the older I get. Your words were comforting to me. I just want to thank you for your heart for single women. We SO need someone who will speak from our perspective and do so with such grace and love.

  • Kali

    I just heard you speak at IF Gathering, and may I just say, I am so thankful to hear that someone single was on stage and you spoke a little about your story. So, I looked you up, and I know we’ll be friends 🙂 I am 24, have been single for almost 4 years, but contently single for about the last 6 months. My three best friends are in long term relationships, and on NYE we spent the night dancing at the one best friend’s wedding. 6 months ago, I would have complained how I was date-less and my night would have been way less fun, but by God’s good grace and this gift of contentment, I danced with my friends and their boyfriends and the flower girl who needed a dance partner the whole night. And I laughed and smiled the entire night.

    In 2016, I hope to share my story more of how I came to be content and to be someone other girls can come to. Marriage is still something I would love some day, but I am much less concerned with “when” nowadays. I thank God everyday for this contentment, because I remember the days where I spent every waking, and sleeping, minute thinking about having a companion by my side. I began to pray for contentment in being single, and this went on for weeks, if not months. I went away to a camp that I was leading my group of high schoolers at with my church, and prayed that I would surrender my singleness at the camp (since the theme of camp was surrender). Well, the whole weekend was a tornado of me tending to my high schoolers’ every need, and I had not one second to myself. I was frustrated that I didn’t get to focus on my own agenda of surrendering what I wanted to God that weekend. But the second I stepped off the bus and returned home from camp, my discontent had vanished. 100%. It’s hard to explain how I felt, since it was beyond my understanding (Philippians 4:7). That weekend proved to me that when you surrender your heart to God, you don’t have to “work” to have him fix your heart. He does the work. He has done the work. Not me. HIM. 6 months later, I feel the exact same way as I did leaving camp. I pray for the man God may someday bring to me almost every day. Thank you Jesus for this gift and my story. (woah, sorry that was so long and partly off-topic!)

  • Ryan Onstad

    Lindsey, I have a book about this same struggle. I’d like to give you one. Contact me.

    http://www.notquitelove.com