Can I be honest? Really honest?

If I had to use one word to describe my spiritual life right now I would use the word…begrudgingly.

I am following God…begrudgingly.

I am pursuing God…begrudgingly.

I am believing God is for me…begrudgingly.

My faith right now is envious. It is jealous. And it’s a little resentful.

My faith right now is reluctant. It is hesitant. And it’s a little averse.

I know. I know. Begrudingly is not the adverb that one wants to use when describing their spiritual journey. Heck, it’s certainly not the word I am chasing.

But maybe, just maybe, by shedding light on it, and calling a begrudge a begrudge, I can finally get to the bottom of what is going on with me and I can finally have an honest conversation with God.

What one word would you use to describe your spiritual journey right now? 

William Graham Tullian Tchividjian is a Florida native, the pastor of Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Fort Lauderdale, a visiting professor of theology at Reformed Theological Seminary, and a grandson of Billy and Ruth Graham. A graduate of Columbia International University (philosophy) and Reformed Theological Seminary in Orlando, Tullian is the author of Do I Know God? Finding Certainty in Lifeʼs Most Important Relationship (Multnomah), Unfashionable: Making a Difference in the World by Being Different (Multnomah) and Surprised by Grace: God’s Relentless Pursuit of Rebels (Crossway). When he is not reading, studying, preaching, or writing, he enjoys being with people and relaxing with his wife Kim and their three kids Gabe, Nate, and Genna. Tullian loves the beach, loves to exercise, and when he has time, he loves to surf.

Thoughts on Romans 7 and 8

For most Christians, our faith is defined by what we do, what we don’t do, the causes we believe in, the problems we solve, etc. The Sermon on the Mount smashes external form of righteousness. Righteousness is not a matter of what we do, but rather why we do what we do.

One of the most common motivations of not committing bad behavior is the consequences.It is important to note that sometimes when people refrain from unethical behavior it is not because of purity of heart. And the goodness of a deed can be destroyed by the motivation that inspires it. The last temptation is to do the right deed, for the wrong reason.

God is not concerned with any kind of obedience. God is concerned with a certain kind of obedience. That is why it is so important to understand the distinction between law…and gospel.

The law of God is good. It is a perfect reflection of God’s perfection character. It is a mirror and it shows us who we are, and what we need. It shows us what God requires, and our incapability of meeting those requirements.

The determining factor is not our obedience, but instead it is Christ’s obedience for us.

Preoccupation with my obedience makes me morbidly self-centered, a neurotic narcissist. Sanctification really is forgetting about ourselves, depending on our justification.

Read this yesterday in Streams in the Desert, and it really resonated with me.

God will often extricate us from the mess we have made because “His love endures forever” (1 Chronicles 6:34). Yet if we had only been patient and waited to see the unfolding of His plan, we would never have found ourselves is such an impossible maze, seeing no way out. We would also never have had to turn back and retrace our way, with wasted steps and so many tears of shame.

I know that I tend to jump the gun, neglect the waiting, and end up in a big ol’ mess. I am so thankful that He is there to extricate me. And that “His love endures forever.”

Do you need God to lead you out of a mess you have made?

I imagine if you grew up around churches, or Christian summer camps, you probably are all too familiar with the song “I’ve Got the Joy.”  I can still hear it echoing through the church gymnasium sung by voices too innocent to realize they are off key. In my personal experience, way off key.

“I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy…”

A couple verses in we’d sing,

“I’ve got the peace that passes understanding…”

I had never given much thought to that term, the peace that passes understanding, until recently.

Until recently when I discovered a peace that didn’t make any sense. Until recently when I discovered a peace that was unfathomable in light of my current circumstances.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 (King James Version)

Until recently when I discovered a peace that had to be from something, Someone more powerful than me, or my worries de jour.

A peace. A peace that is of God. A peace that is keeping my heart in tact and my mind sane. A peace that is washing over me, eliminating fears and anxieties, and replacing them with a fresh cleansing hope.

A peace that passes my very-limited-and-oh-so-human understanding.

My peace I give in times of deepest grief, Imparting calm and trust and My relief.

My peace I give when prayer seems lost, unheard; Know that My promises are ever in My Word.

My peace I give when thou art left alone, The nightingale at night has sweetest tone.

My peace I give in time of utter loss, The way of glory leads right to the cross.

My peace I give when enemies will blame, Thy fellowship is sweet through cruel shame.

My peace I give in agony and sweat, For mine own brow with bloody drops was wet.

My peace I give when nearest friend betrays, Peace that is merged in love, and for them prays.

My peace I give when there’s but death for thee, The gateway is the cross to get to Me. – L. S. P. (Streams in the Desert)

When was the last time you felt a peace that you didn’t quite understand?

And did you know that according to Wikipedia there is a verse that goes “I’ve got the far out faith that freaks out farmers…”?

Because I had no idea.

Today, like many Sundays, I was struck with an incredible sense of thankfulness for my church. I know that there are hundreds, thousands, millions, of great churches out there, but for now, Cross Point is the right fit for me.

I know that you probably feel the same way, and that’s why I would love to hear what you appreciate most about your church. One of the things I love most about the Christian Church at large is how we all have different traditions, different methods, and different pastors, but  worship the same great big God.

Well, anyway, here is what I appreciate most about Cross Point:

We have an unusual pastor in Pete Wilson. Every time he shares a message, it is evident that he is still fighting the good fight. He doesn’t have it all figured out. (Praise the Lord.) He is actively struggling to be the man God created him to be. He is learning and battling with the rest of us. He is real, approachable, and graceful. Under his leadership, a staff, and a congregation, model “going first” so that others can see the powerful ways that God redeems our stories and our brokenness.

There are other things I love…The community. The friendships. The support. The coffee. The creative energy. The worship (except when they make us “roar” like lions). But if I had to say what I appreciate the most, it’s how Pete fosters an environment of authenticity.

Where do you go to church? And what do you appreciate most about it?

This weekend I was back in Birmingham for a reunion of Compassion Bloggers at Deeper Still. It was incredible. The conference, the speakers, the worship, the laughter, the food, the time with friends, old and new…incredible.

I heard solid Biblical teaching from three powerhouse women. Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore, and Kay Arthur brought “it”. A lot of “it”. So much of “it” that my head is still spinning.

I worshiped with Travis Cottrell and 14,000 women. For me, there is no time I feel more connected to my Creator than when I am belting out (much to the chagrin of the people who have to stand by me) lyrics of adoration and praise. Worship is good for my soul.

I ate AH-MAZ-ING chicken and mashed potatoes with friends who share two of my passions, social media and the good work that is being done to rescue children from poverty in Jesus’ name by Compassion International. Never have I felt less worthy and more privileged to be a part of a group of people. These folks, each one of them, are world-changers.

I spent time (but not nearly enough) with the bloggers who traveled with me to Guatemala. I am so thankful that Guatemala brought us all together. I LOVE these women. Lisa-Jo is an energetic and passionate connector. Ann is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, inside and out. And Amanda is kind, gentle, smart, funny, and warm.

I returned home Sunday morning feeling a little tired and a lot blessed.

A special thanks to Amanda, Sophie, Compassion and LifeWay Events for hosting us. You outdid yourselves.

Do you like reunions? What is the last reunion you attended?

Today’s “Pruning” post is from Eve Annunziato. Eve works for Mercy Ministries as the Church Relations Director and is a close friend. She is wise about a lot of stuff, about parenting, about God, about pursuing your passions, but she is especially wise about relationships. So thankful to have her speaking into my life.

Follow Eve on twitter here.

What an honor to post for my dear generous, loving, selfless, and fantastic friend, Lindsey.  Isn’t she incredibly amazing!?  Linds asked me to guest blog today to discuss pruning your relationships.  And, when Lindsey Nobles asks you to do something, well, you don’t hesitate!  None-the-less, after pondering the topic, I thought about the last time Lindsey shared my views about this exact subject right here, and honestly it was rather controversial.  And much to my chagrin, many folks frankly took what I was saying out of context.  So I decided this post would take a more positive point of view.  So here it is…  But first, I will respond to the naysayers from that last post: it’s NEVER EVER healthy to surround yourself with draining, negative people who bring you down and make you depressed – even if you’re a Christ follower.  However, we must graciously pray, love, forgive ALL people, including the crazies – but from a distance.

Topping my list of goals for 2010 is to live in the present, go second, and maintain work-life balance by focusing, loving and being grateful for my VIPs (Very Important People).  I want to ensure my relationships with my VIPs are a priority.  In times of busyness, I used to have tendencies to shelve my healthy relationships and focus on generally unhealthy so-called friends who didn’t really like me – my VDPs (Very Draining People) and VNPs (Very Negative People).  NOT ANYMORE.  Why put an effort toward folks that suck the life out of you and form only conditional, one-way relationships? I call those people, “Flavor of the month friends!” They use you for a season to get what they need and then move on to other relationships…

As all of you know, the effect of relationships in our lives simply cannot be overemphasized. When they are in a positive healthy state, tranquility is easy to find. When they go sour, stress, depression and even physical fatigue can result. Because it’s so important to foster our relationships with those with whom we care most about, our VIPs, we should purposely place a higher priority on them.

Author Gary Chapman makes a very pivotal point for relationships when he writes, “When your spouse’s emotional needs are met and he or she feels secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach his or her highest potential in life.” Right then, it hit me: It’s not just enough to think about how much I love my most valuable players in life, I have to make sure and tell them.  It’s a daily decision to often put the emotional needs of my spouse, children, mom, dad, sister, nephews and best friends before my own.

There’s a healthy way to love, to be loved, and to be intimate.  Quality relationships require patience, consistency and attention. Too many times, because the rest of life wears us out, we just don’t have the energy to put toward the commitment. In reality, you’re likely going to have to rearrange schedules, drop some activities and not commit to so many other things that keep you from putting your full energy into your family and other significant relationships. Studies have shown 85% of our joy comes from our nourishing relationships.

Ask yourself this after a conversation with your fav peeps: “Did I make that person feel better or worse about themselves about their life?” After all, people are already besieged by doubt and surrounded by negativity that can affect us profoundly on an emotional level. One of my top goals is to make certain that after every VIP conversation, the people I love, admire, and respect feel more confident about their situation; about their life. As we head toward a very chaotic (that at times makes us neurotic) holiday season, make a concerted effort to spend quality time with your loved ones and it will fill your emotional tank and your heart!  This is exactly the reason why I try to spend as much time with this girl as possible!

Abraham Lincoln said it poignantly, “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” Amen, Abe!

Let’s start putting some life back in YOUR years by spending quality time, appreciate and love your VIPs with all of your heart and soul.

Today’s “Pruning” post is from Brad Ruggles. I have followed (gosh, sometimes that sounds so creepy) Brad for quite awhile, but finally met him last year at the Blogger’s Meetup before Catalyst (which he graciously organizes). Brad is one of the guys that has both passion and talent and uses is them to make a difference in world. I have nothing but respect for him and his wife, Lisa.

Find Brad’s blog here.

And his twitter here.

Lindsey asked me and a few other bloggers to guest-post on her blog on the subject of intentionally cutting back in life. I told her that in all honesty, I really don’t have things figured out in this area. I still struggle with finding the right balance between work and family time. I constantly battle with the desire to do more work for God instead of spending more time with God (sounds like the premise for a good book to me).

God is definitely still working on me in this area but I can say this – I’m better now than I used to be.

My Crash And Burn Story

My own story of forced “pruning” happened about a year ago, although the circumstances that led up to my crash actually took place in the year or two before. I was on staff at a great church doing something I loved – actually several things I loved. I was an expert at wearing and changing hats. The problem was that I loved the hats I wore and had a hard time taking them off. My wife kept asking when I was going to cut back and, of course, I kept saying, “Soon. Let me just get through the next couple of weeks.”

For a serial over-committer, weeks can turn into months before we know it. I was pushing myself and my schedule to the limit and loving every minute of it.

It took God moving me down to a new city to slow me down enough to listen to the people around me. It wasn’t more than 6 months after we moved down to Indianapolis that the crash happened. For the first time in many years I didn’t have the hectic schedule of ministry or the constant string of commitments so my body had a chance to slow down. It was kind of like that feeling you have after rollerskating for a couple of hours (hey, I’m a product of the 80s!). Once you take the roller skates off and try walking you find that you keep wanting to push off with your feet even though there are no wheels on your shoe.
My health and energy went downhill. I went to a Doctor and found out that I had a condition known as Adrenal Fatigue. My cortisol and hormone levels were all out of whack. The way my doctor explained it to me, I had operated on overdrive for so long that I burned out my adrenal glands sending my energy level down the drain.

Recovering Commitment Junkie

I began a journey to recovery that was long and slow.

God used that time in my life to adjust my priorities. I finally learned a lesson many workaholics and church-rockstar-wannabees try to ignore: when we keep ourselves too busy in life and ministry, we squeeze out any margins God has to work in. The truth is, I liked being busy because it made me feel more important. It did something for my ego to know that there were people and projects out there that needed me.

So now, I’m a recovering commitment junkie. I definitely don’t have this figured out but I’m getting better at recognizing the burnout warning signs and listening to the people God put in my life.

It’s not easy. In our increasingly connected society we’re bombarded every day with everyone’s accomplishments on Twitter, Facebook or blogs. That constant barrage of “Look what I’m doing!” begins to make us think  we should be doing more. Our culture shines a spotlight on busy people. No one ever won an Oscar for taking the year off.

One of the things I learned is that God puts people in our lives to let us know when we’re pushing too hard or stretching ourselves too thin. Those people are in your life right now whether you know it or not. You might not be listening to them but they’re there. The biggest advocates for down-time is your life may be your wife or family but it might also be your friend, counselor or parents.

We all have someone who has looked us in the eye at some point and asked us, “Are you doing ok? You look a little stressed out.” If you’re like me, you probably are good at making up some kind of excuse about why you’re tired or how things will ease up once you get this next project finished. The truth is, we’re lying to them and, worst of all, we’re lying to ourselves.

Still Waters

I don’t know if you can relate to any part of my story. I hope not. Hopefully you’re able to manage your schedule better than I did. I hope you’ve learned how to say no and not over-commit yourself. But chances are many of you have been where I was. Maybe your body hasn’t suffered because of it (yet) but you’ve been there. You’ve tiptoed on the tight-rope of overcommitment and flirted with burnout.

Can I just challenge you to step back and examine your life right now? If you’re so busy that you have a difficult time finding margins you might want to ask yourself why you’re running so fast. You could be that little hamster running like mad on his little wheel but going nowhere. Give yourself permission to step off the hamster wheel and slow down. Follow the example of our Savior and set aside intentional times to recharge (Matt. 14:22-23, Mk. 6:30-32). Don’t put it off, set aside that time right now. Pencil it in your calendar and ask  your friend or spouse to hold you accountable.

Our God promises rest for the weary and restoration for the burned out. He is the good shepherd that leads his sheep into times of rest beside the still waters. Let him breathe new life into your weary soul today.

Are you a commitment junkie? How do you manage your time to keep healthy margins in life?

Today’s “Pruning” post is from Amanda Moore Jones. Amanda traveled with me to Guatemala on the Compassion Bloggers trip in September. We had an immediate connection over authentic Tex-Mex and J.D.’s Chippery cookies, and a forever connection after stepping out of our comfort zones together. Amanda has a gentle spirit but at first encounter you will realize that she fiercely fights for her beliefs, and her loved ones. So honored to have her share her heart here.

Find Amanda’s blog here.

And her twitter here.

We have a TV in our house that we jokingly call “The Precious.” When we moved into our home two-and-a-half years ago, I was really excited about getting a desk for my new home office, upgrading to a king-size bed, and finally having legit dining table.

My husband could not have cared less about all of that. The one thing he wanted was a high definition TV. As soon as the dust settled from the movers dropping off our boxes, we jumped in the car and drove straight to Costco to get our new TV.

Curtis had big dreams for watching March Madness and his beloved Duke Blue Devils on the new flat-screen. And we couldn’t wait to watch our Thursday night comedies nestled on the couch in its shadow. We had always loved watching TV together and this would be the ultimate!

When Hurricane Ike loomed in the Gulf of Mexico and our city was expected to take a direct hit, I got my husband to board up our large living room windows by saying, “But what about The Precious?” Thankfully, the worst thing that happened to our property was that our neighbor’s roof and tree shed shingles and leaves into our yard. The Precious was spared!

It’s been two years since Hurricane Ike hit Houston. There aren’t many traces of it left around these parts, but there are some major signs that Hurricane God’s-Pruning-Shears just blew through. And this time The Precious wasn’t spared.

We have known for a while that our love for The Precious was keeping us from the fullness of Christ. It sucked a lot of time that could have been better spent, but more importantly, the things we loved to watch on it were quenching the Holy Spirit in us. And it seemed to get worse with every episode. We countered feelings of conviction with denial, excuses, and constantly saying “I swear I will never watch this show again” and not following through. God was trying to take us from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18) while we fed ourselves shows that displayed ever-increasing wickedness (Romans 6:19).

About a month ago I had one of the most fulfilling days of my life. I’d gone to a prayer gathering that night and afterward had been given some very encouraging news. I was so excited about what God was doing in my life. When I got home, I flipped to my favorite show on the DVR. Within three minutes I was faced with the most offensive thing I’ve ever seen on TV. I turned it off immediately. I’m done! I am no longer supporting this show, I thought. The same thing had happened the week before and I was just so bummed. As strongly as I felt in that moment, it only took about three minutes to talk myself back out of it. I watched the rest of the show and went to bed.

Maybe you can guess how I felt the next day. Defeated? Yes. Sick? Yes. Sad that I had quenched the Holy Spirit after such an incredible day of fellowship with Him? Definitely. The Lord has delivered me from much worse bondage than this battle with the TV. We have worked hard on some things. Was I really going to continue letting something as meaningless as entertainment limit His work in my life?

That day He gave me the grace to say no. No, I will not exchange intimacy with Christ for my favorite TV shows. I told my husband I thought we should get rid of the TV and, holy cow, he agreed! Ten minutes later he was on the phone with our cable company canceling everything. For whatever reason, in our home we can’t just plug in the TV and get the basic channels either. TV was gone.

There were some things we didn’t think through at the time – like March Madness. I still don’t know what we’ll do when Duke plays. I guess that’s what friends are for. Also, I’m a mom and I know there are times when I’ll need to pop in a DVD for the kids. For that reason, The Precious is still in our living room. But its power over our life and our walk with God is broken.

Please do not hear me saying that I think everyone needs to ditch their TV. It’s because we are weak, weak people that we had to go to this extreme. Stronger people can make better decisions in the moment. Maybe we will get to that place and be able to watch TV in our home again one day. God knows if that will ever happen.

We have been incredibly blessed during this pruning season. After the kids go to bed – get this – my husband and I actually talk! It’s not just chit chat and family management conversations, but meaningful discussions. I’m also on my third book in a month, which is saying a lot for me. I finally braved my first visit to the library with my preschooler and my toddler and we’ve been back many times since then. My son is learning how to read and I’m fully engaged with him in it. Spiritually, we are no longer trapped in the ugly cycle of laughing at something one night and then having to confess it to God the next day. The freedom is so refreshing.

Honestly, there are days and nights when it’s hard and we miss being able to just veg in front of the TV. But it’s actually been much less of a sacrifice than I thought. The fruit that resulted from the pruning tastes good. Very good. And I’m thankful.

Have you pruned any distractions like The Precious? Did you find the pruning lead to more fruitfulness?

Today’s “Pruning” post is from Justin Davis. Justin, his wife Trisha, and their three boys are such a blessing to me. They are a living testament to how God restores and redeems our brokenness. Through their ministry at Cross Point Bellevue and Refine Us, they teach others (like me) the power of authenticity, truth, and grace.

Find their blog here.

And Justin’s twitter here.

I’ve been a Christian long enough to know that you never arrive. I’ve also been a Christian long enough to know how easy it is to have a sense of arriving. There is a tendency in all of us to think that our relationship with God has arrived. It’s not that we think we are done growing, it is a sense that we don’t think we need to grow anymore.

This isn’t something we would articulate to anyone, it is this feeling we have inside as we go to church; compare ourselves to others; evaluate where we are now compared to where we were 3 years ago. It is easy to have a sense of “I’m good. I’ve arrived.”

I guess to some extent, that is the season I’ve been in. My marriage is better than it ever has been. My relationship with God has a nice rhythm. I’m being intentional about developing my relationship with my boys. I have good friends that I enjoy spending time with. God has blessed me richly to give me a second chance in ministry.  I didn’t even realize how much I was struggling until about a month ago. Our family was on vacation in Florida, and Trisha and I just started to read together The Me I Want to Be, by John Ortberg. I had heard so many good things about it, that I was a little nervous that it wouldn’t live up to the hype for me. Be careful what you wish for.

After reading the first chapter, Trisha and I were sitting at the table talking and she said to me, “The first chapter is you, right now. You know that right?” Tears started streaming down my face. I knew that the life I was living wasn’t the life that God had in mind for me. I had a diminished sense of joy and peace in my life, and I didn’t know why. I said, “I’m not the me I want to be.”

We continued reading and at one point, I said, “I just feel like crying. I feel like mourning the life I pretended to have.” She said she wouldn’t think I was crazy if I just cried. So I did…for a while.

Through some very grace-filled, heart-felt conversations that week, I realized that I had not dealt fully with my parents divorce last year. I had not processed and mourned the news I was given last year that the man I thought was my dad, wasn’t and I was adopted. I wasn’t pursuing deep, meaningful friendships in a way that brought life to my heart.

God is not done with me. I have not arrived. I am in a season of pruning. I am in a season of refining. I am in a season of preparation. I’ve come to understand that God uses pruning and refining in our lives to prepare our hearts, our faith, our minds for a renewed call and responsibility. It is our choice to engage it or not.

In the past, I had been more than willing to embrace the expanded call and responsibility, without embracing the pruning and refining. What happened as a result was I had more responsibility than my character could withstand. I pretended for a while, but eventually imploded.

In this season, I am giving God full reign. Peel back every layer. Uncover every hurt. Walk me through every flaw. I surrender to the pruning. I want to become the me HE wants me to be. Not arriving has never felt so good.

Are you content in not arriving?