My “Blueprint” series is essentially a mechanism for me to start thinking through my life goals. And as hard humiliating as it is to admit some of the things I want to achieve in life, I am trying to be painfully honest because (for some crazy reason) I feel like I need to put them “out there.”

Part 1 – I want to get married.

Part 2 – I want to get fit.

Part 3 – I want to get my hands dirty.

Part 4 - I want to cultivate deep and authentic friendships.

And today I am tackling a biggie….

I want to have kids.

(Please remember I am not a whiny girl who is unhappy with her life, with the cards she’s been dealt. Nothing could be further from the truth. My life is full. But if I am honest, before it is all said and done, I want to raise kids, to have a family of my own.)

Candidly this goal is almost impossible to verbalize, because it seems SO FAR out of reach. I don’t feel like I have “earned” the right to want kids. I am not married. Heck, I am not even dating anyone. And I am 33.

But I am coming to terms with this very real desire. And here is how:

I am only 33. With modern science, I could have a child well into my 40s. And even though 43 seems right around the corner, it is 10 years from now. 10 years is a long time, 10 years ago I was 23, and 23 feels FOREVER ago.

I don’t need to have a little mini-me or a little mini-man. I can adopt. This was something I had never thought about until I sat in Catalyst last fall and learned about the 143 million orphans in this world. Yes, that is correct, there are 143 million orphans worldwide. Seems awfully silly that I would walk around burying my dream of being a mother, when so many kids are mother-less.  And even though this is not something I envision myself doing in the next couple of years, it is something I would like to do. So right now, I need to save, so that when I am a little older (and more mature), I am a place where it is financially feasible to adopt.

I have a lot of kids in my life that I can invest in right now. I am “Lulu” to 3 adorable nieces, to my goddaughter, and to several of my close friends’ kids. I can work to be a loving and supportive constant in their lives. I sponsor children through WorldVision and Compassion. I need to do a better job investing in Deva and Workeeb through letter writing. And I just got a “lunch buddy” through Preston Taylor ministries. Each week, I am committed to spending an hour with Jaheem. He’s got a mother, but I can be a positive adult role model and a friend.

So…who knows? Maybe someday I will have kids of my own?

All I can do with this one is trust in His plan, pray, and be prepared if when the opportunity presents itself.

Have you buried any dreams because you don’t feel like you’ve “earned” the right to want them?