Yesterday was just another day, in a series of REALLY LONG DAYS.

It was just a tactical conversation, really. A conversation about needing to consolidate my “stuff” in the garage. The thing that set me off. The final straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back.

I rushed into my temporary “home”, a room that is about the size of a closet. I slammed the door, turned off the light, crawled into bed and wept.

I wept for an hour…at least. I wept out of shear exhaustion. I wept because I couldn’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep in my incredibly comfortable queen-sized bed. I wept because I couldn’t seem to handle one more to do. I wept for Nashville. I wept for Bellevue. I wept for Crosspoint. I wept out of fear, anger, pride, pain, guilt, thankfulness, and love. I wept because I finally hit my wall.

Have you hit you wall yet?

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

Last Friday I wrote that I had a heavy heart.

Today I am just spent. Spent. Literally I’ve got nothing. Nothing.

Around noon on Sunday I returned to Nashville to be greeted by a few inches of standing water in my basement apartment. My roommate and I spent the better part of the day futilely sweeping water and salvaging items that might be affected if the water rose dramatically.

Monday, thankfully, the waters began to recede and a team of friends appeared to help move all my stuff to a temporary home and to tear out carpet and flooring. We got everything clean and ready for the professionals to takeover, but it became obvious that the space won’t be livable for awhile. Bummer.

Here is what I know:

I have a lot I need to figure out. Most importantly, I need to find new place to live. Quickly. Like by May 15 quickly. (If anyone has any ideas I am looking for a 1-2 bedroom place in Nashville that allows a medium sized dog.)

The next few weeks are going to be filled with uncertainty. Unfortunately uncertainty isn’t really my strong-suit.

I am blessed because the majority of my things are safe and dry. There are thousands of people who lost everything.

Our community is amazingly generous and resilient. I have never been more proud of my church, my neighbors, and my workplace.

And lastly…I am spent. Oh, I said that already…twice.

If you’d like to help flood Nashville flood victims, Cross Point has teams of folks meeting at the Bellevue campus and working everyday this week from 9 AM to 4 PM. For more information, visit here.

Out-of-towners, you can help too. Cross Point has set up a flood relief fund. Donate here.

Instead I want to be someone who constantly feels blessed. Because in all reality I have everything I need, and more. So in honor of the season of Thanksgiving, I have decided to publicly express my gratitude this week on my blog for some of my many blessings.

I am thankful for  CrossPoint Community Church .

I went through a phase when I wasn’t sure about the importance of church. I have said stupid things like, “I am a spiritual person, I’m just not super religious.” I truly believed I could just do my thing with God and I didn’t need to be “plugged in” to a religious body. But honestly after a few years of that kind of thinking, I discovered I wasn’t really even doing “my thing with God.” I was really doing my thing with me. And when I did find myself back in church, I couldn’t get past the vast distance between me and God. I wasn’t adequate. All I could see was sin, my sin.

And then I discovered CrossPoint Church.

A church where people live out the founders’ original vision. A church where people are radically devoted to Christ. A church where people are irrevocably committed to one another. A church place where people are relentlessly dedicated to reaching the unchurched.

A church where believers are stretched to live faithfully. A church where religious lies are questioned. A church where people are striving to “be the church.” A church where character is valued above comfort. A church where pastors are not perfect and don’t claim to be. A church where lives are changing. A church where I am changing.

I have been abundantly blessed by CrossPoint Church.

Thank you to EVERYONE (Pete, Jenni, campus pastors, staff, elders, board members, volunteers and attendees) who make it so extraordinary.

What is one thing you are thankful for today?

Last Sunday at Cross Point, Pete encouraged us to take a moment and ask God if there was something, anything, He was asking us to do that we were neglecting. Painful question, right? Because of course, several things came to mind. Several things that I knew God was calling me to take care of and I was avoiding. Or maybe I wasn’t completely avoiding them, but I wasn’t quite doing them either. Several things God was asking me to change, but candidly I was still trying to negotiate the deal with God (But I guess that is not really how it works?)

Earlier this year, I read The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns, the President of WorldVision. In the opening chapters of the book, Stearns shares about how he was pushed, prodded, shoved by God into his position at WorldVision. As the CEO of  an established Fortune 500 company Lenox, Inc., Stearns was not ready to give up his comfortable career. Stearns was not ready to consider an extraordinary opportunity until one day when a recruiter asked him, “Are you willing to be open to God’s will for your life?” Stearns describes the question as “painful” “rude” and “uncomfortable” but it did the trick. It got him to reconsider what God was really after in his life.

And so a few weeks later, Stearns took a leap of faith, obeyed God at all costs, and began leading one of the world’s largest Christian humanitarian organizations. His life work is now devoted to helping children, families, and their communities reach their full potential by tackling the causes of poverty and injustice.

Reading Stearns’ inspiring story, it was so obvious to me what he should do. Of course, he should take the leap of faith, quit his job, uproot his family, and obey God’s will.

But somehow in my own story, I create confusion where there should be clarity. Like a small child pitifully trying to distract a parent from the imminent bedtime, I waste time and energy fighting God’s plan. And I know it is useless, it is wrong, and it is completely unsatisfying. And I know that neglecting His will is never the right choice.

So today, I am thankful for the painful yet convicting questions. Because I’ve found that they are one of the few things that help guide me back to where I want to be. Obeying God.

Have you been asked any convicting questions lately?

By the way – I highly recommend The Hole in Our Gospel. It is filled with convicting questions, some that I have answered and some that I am still grappling with.

Last week the focus of the study was on Chapter 7, “Growing into an Emotionally Healthy Adult.” We talked about the importance of loving others maturely — treating them as human beings uniquely created by Christ instead of as a means to an end or an object. Easier said then done, right? During the conversation, Jenni Catron said, quoting Pete Wilson (who was perhaps quoting someone else but I have no idea whom – maybe this lady or maybe this man or maybe someone else entirely?), “Hurt people, hurt people.”

And something about this really simple statement provoked some really complex thoughts.

Because the statement implies, “Hurt people, hurt people, hurt people, hurt people…” Unless we stop this chain of hurt, it is endless. To you this may be painfully obvious, but I challenge you to spend some time thinking about it. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

I am starting to explore some of the darker areas of myself, areas that I have tried to ignore, areas that I have hoped to leave behind, areas that I am embarrassed to acknowledge. I am wondering, “how am I hurting?” And I am trying to take responsibility for healing these old wounds, in hopes that I can avoid inflicting my pain on others.

Also, I am giving those who have hurt me the benefit of the doubt (or making a valiant effort to). Acknowledging that they are probably hurting makes them relatable, and not just the source of my irritation.

We only have one more chapter of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality before this study ends and are looking for another book to study. Any recommendations?