So last week, I wrote about never having a clue what I wanted to be when I grew up. As I finished that post and replied to some of your comments, I realized I had only really told half of the story, the easy half.

The more difficult half of the story is WHY I have never wanted to define my future. To answer that question I have to dig a lot deeper.

I guess it all boils down to FEAR. I am afraid of sharing my deepest desires (especially with myself) because many of them feel very out of my reach. I am afraid of setting my expectations too high only to feel gut-wrenching disappointment when they are not met. I am afraid of establishing goals that I might not attain. (more…)

Do you ever look at your faith and wonder? Wonder if it would be strong if you didn’t “live a pretty little life.” Wonder if it will survive the really hard times. Wonder if it is wrongly based on the assumption that your life, as a Christian, will only get better, it certainly can’t get worse.

I guess it goes without saying that I do. I struggle with this. A lot.

Because my faith has not truly been tested. Sure, my life hasn’t been perfect. I have been through terrible break-ups. I have been betrayed by some of my best friends. I have had to bury three grandparents, two dogs, and several friends. I have been sick. And at thirty years old, I have to sit and wait for biopsy results knowing that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was thirty-one.

I have experienced loss. I have experienced fear. I have felt alone.

But I look at the trials and tribulations of others. And I remember that I have no idea. (more…)

Today I had to go to the dentist to get a cavity filled. Not to be all dramatic about it BUT, I have DREADED this appointment all day (actually make that all week.)

As long as I can remember, I have had this “intense dislike” (my mom told my I should avoid use of the word “hate”) of dentists. It is not that I don’t like them as people. I know several who are fine people. It is that I have no appreciation for their chosen profession.

The following is embarrassing, but unfortunately true. (more…)

Or maybe I just know what I want? Or maybe I have no idea what I want? Or maybe I am content with where I am right now? Or maybe I am seriously afraid of change or of just putting myself out there? But in my defense, I have no fear meeting new people, confessing my deep dark secrets on my blog, or sharing what I think about the latest loser on the Bachlorette on Twitter. It just doesn’t make sense.

Oh, I just realized I haven’t given you a clue of what I am talking about. Well, here it is…

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