It is NOT PRETTY, but it is TRUE and REAL.

Yes, I know. I don’t really have ANYTHING to be grouchy about. All my fundamental needs are being met. I have a wonderful job, a loving family, and this fantastic group of friends. I belong to an incredible church. And I live in a country where I am allowed to dream of possibilities and work to make them a reality. I am set. Life is good.

But that doesn’t stop me from having days where the grouchy feelings cascade over me, mind and soul.

And today is one of those days where I am a little worn out with it all. Seriously…

I’m sick of being single. Sick, sick, sick of being single.

I’m sick of hearing that my friends wished they knew a man who was worthy of me. (I mean, what IN THE HECK does that mean?)

I’m sick of failing to find the right balance between doing too much and being really tired of being still.

But mostly, I’m sick of listening to myself complain.

So…

I am going to start thinking of things that make me smile. (Yes, I have probably seen The Sound of Music one too many times.)

I am going to think of things that are undeniably happy like…

Exploring the glorious Hill Country of Texas with my wide-eyed and totally precious nieces.

Waking to sunshine on a cool crisp spring morning.

Finding Van Morrison’s “Whenever God Shines a Light” when my ipod is on shuffle.

Absorbing the sites, sounds, and smells as one of my favorite bands take the stage at The Ryman Theatre.

Hearing spell-binding stories unfold as the Compassion bloggers report live on the ground in Kenya.

Enjoying a glass of wine on the beach as the sun sets with a close friend.

Watching one my best friends walk down the aisle before she marries the man of her dreams.

Now…what was I going on and on about before?

It’s your turn. Feel free to vent or share what makes you smile.

Eve said that when she turned 30 she sat down and created three lists: Very Important People, Very Draining People, and Very Negative People. Once her lists were complete, she intentionally figured out how she could invest more time and energy in her “VIPs.” Inversely she intentionally reduced her interactions with her “VDPs” and “VNPs.”

The minute I heard this I was completely energized. As I began to visualize myself scaling back on some of the painful relationships in my life, I felt instant relief.

I have no problem sitting down and filing people into these categories. Important. Negative. Draining.

But I just can’t seem to wrap my head around how to minimize my investment in people I find draining or negative.

Maybe it is because I am a COWARD?

Maybe it is because I want EVERYONE to like me?

Maybe it is because I am TERRIBLE at saying no?

Maybe it is because I don’t have any CLARITY about how this syncs up with our call as Christians to love our neighbor?

Maybe it is because I have created some FALSE assumption that the negative and draining people in my life NEED me?

I need your wisdom on this one. Have you done this with any success? How do scale back on relationships without too much carnage? How do you tell someone you love them but you just can’t do life with them anymore?

With all this traveling, another thing that has been neglected is my blog. So this is a quick play-by-play with some of my favorite photos, of course.

Bonnaroo Music Festival - I met several friends in Manchester, Tennessee, for a day and a half of music and catching up with old friends. I caught sets from Wilco, “The Boss”, Jenny Lewis, Nine Inch Nails, and my personal favorite Ben Harper. I reconnected with several old friends that had traveled from Tennessee and beyond to take in the festival. And although I admired how hardcore all the campers were, I was relieved to be able to rest my head and take a warm shower at Manchester’s new Comfort Inn. If you haven’t ever experienced Bonnaroo, I would highly recommend checking it out. It truly is a site to behold.

Rosemary Beach - For the last three summers, I have vacationed in Rosemary Beach, Florida, with one of my closest friends Kristie and her daughter Sarah Trammell, who is my goddaughter. This trip is good for me. It is good for me because not only to I get some quality-time with Kristie and her family, but also I get some quality-time with me. I sunned, I played, I acted like a kid at Big Kahuna, I enjoyed the quaint beauty of Rosemary, and I read and read. I finished two of the best books I have EVER read, Richard Stearns’ The Hole in Our Gospel and Donald Miller’s fall release A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and two uber-light beach reads.

Dallas and Lake Texoma – My sister Marcie lives in North Carolina. Each summer she packs up her three little ones and heads to Texas in the heat of the summer to spend two weeks with my parents. I flew down and hung out with the family one of the weekends that they were there. We enjoyed the two best things Dallas has to offer, good restaurants and sh0pping. And then fled the big city and had an overnight at Lake Texoma. Being on the water is the ONLY thing that made the Texas heat bearable. Oh and enjoying my adorable nieces. They make EVERYTHING bearable.

Elk River – Last weekend, twenty friends and I headed to a river house on the Elk (a tributary of the Tennesse River). We laughed, played card and board games, ping-ponged, skied, went on boat rides, inner-tubed, jet-skied, hammocked, jumped off the diving board, read magazines, sunned, swam, BBQed, drank and ate. (Actually we ate A LOT.) And we didn’t turn on the television once. Mostly we just enjoyed each other. It was a perfect weekend. (I just hope that someday soon the soreness from all the “river fun” will wear off. Because right now walking is challenging.)

Next up: A quick low-key weekend getaway to Raleigh, North Carolina, to hang out with Marcie, Stephen, and the girls. Thankfully this is my last trip of the summer (or it least that is the plan but I’m gonna be honest, I am not very good at saying no to adventure).

How has your summer been? What memories have you created?

Oh, I just realized I haven’t given you a clue of what I am talking about. Well, here it is…

So I finally did it! I finally created a profile on one of those internet dating sites. After I got all your feedback a few months ago, stewed over the responses, and had some free time at the beach, I decided to take the plunge and sign up.

I had no problem answering the questions about myself or opening up my wallet and dolling out the monthly fee, but unfortunately that is as far as I got. Or as far as I will get. But it is not a total waste, I did figure out one thing.

Internet dating is not for me, at least right now. And here’s why:

• I love meeting people, but I do not love reading (or more accurately judging) their profiles.
• I love getting to know someone slowly and learning about whether or not we are compatible, but I do not love reading someones carefully crafted answers to some fill-in-the-blanks.
• I love opening up to others (slowly as it is appropriate), but I don’t love trying to create a me that looks good on paper.
• Oh and most importantly, I don’t love rejecting communication from potential suitors when I have never spoken to them. But I have this feeling that I don’t want to ever speak to them. EVER.

So I am shutting it down for now.

And focusing on enjoying my days, building my character, being a loyal friend, all the while hoping/praying that someday I bump into “the one.” Because I trust that God has a plan for me. One that is better than I can imagine for myself.

Important disclaimer for this post. Mom/Dad – I am certain you have now read this post and have some opinions about it. I know that you are looking forward to sharing them with me this weekend. I know that you just want the best for me. And that you think I deserve a wonderful life filled with a wonderful man and some wonderful kids. But I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. I do not want to talk about whether I think there are single men in Nashville. If you must, share your thoughts with my sweet sister who can try to pass them along in a gentle sweet sisterly way. Oh, and I love you guys so much and can’t wait to see you too!

To make me feel better about all this, will you please tell me how you meet your husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend?

Yellow

And as Michael Hyatt, would say it was a “wow experience.”

And it was not just a “wow experience” because I had low expectations. My Birmingham friends had certainly built the experience up during long play-by-play recaps on the phone and on Facebook.

Seriously here is a small sampling of status updates the day after their Birmingham show:

“Breathless. What an amazing show.”

“The most spectacular show to hit Birmingham since the Flaming Lips.”

“Life-changing!” (This was my favorite. I mean, I love live music. I love ColdPlay. But really life-changing? Give me a break.)

The ColdPlay concert was a “wow experience” because it rocked my already bloated expectations. It was truly spectacular.

From the first song to the very last, every moment was perfectly choreographed. I was emersed in the music. I was amazed by giant balloons, confetti, and video projections. I was mesmerized by the sheer energy of Chris Martin, Johny Buckland, Guy Berryman, and Will Chapman. And I was delighted to leave with a Left Right Left Right Left CD.

ColdPlay

I don’t know that it changed my life but it was one of the best concerts I have ever seen. And I have seen a lot of shows. If you have the opportunity, I would highly recommend catching a ColdPlay show. You won’t regret it!

What is the best concert you have ever seen? What made it stand out?

Allison, Sarah and I - Jordan Vineyard, Sonoma Valley, Memorial Day 2009

I never had much of a singing voice (actually I never had ANY of a singing voice) but those lyrics sung over-and-over again in a round stuck with me. But I am not sure that I understood what they meant until now. I never understood how important it is to value both old and new friends, because each are precious treasures.

But something about my trip last week to California made me understand the truth in those words. Something about hanging out with friends from different stages of my life – childhood in Dallas, college in Colorado, post-graduate life in Alabama, and my current world in Tennessee – gave the lyrics a whole new meaning.

The collision of these women, each from a special phase of my life, enabled me to fully embrace who I am, where I have come from, and where I want to go. I am so grateful for these and all the “real” friendships in my life. I treasure each one for its uniqueness. And as much as I loved the sunny weather, the beautiful vineyards, the decadent meals, and the needless shopping, spending time with “my girls” was the best part of my trip.

Have you reconnected with any old friends lately? Are you invested in making new friends? What have these relationships taught you about yourself?

My traveling companion is a good friend, Sarah, who I have gotten close to since I moved to Nashville. This summer Sarah is moving to Chicago – she got a fancy job to match her fancy degree from Owen — so this time with her will be exceptionally special. We will be joining forces with one of my best friends from Birmingham, Allison, who moved to San Francisco last year. I miss “Ali” so much and secretly pray that we will get her back to the South soon. Maybe I can convince her of this after a glass of wine or two? (Of course I am kidding, I would never do that )

Looks like the weather is going to be perfect. And by perfect I mean, high of 65, low of 55 and sunny. EVERYDAY we are there.

I was born a planner (hopefully this is not going to be a problem for my traveling companions) so we have a rough schedule working. There are a few things we have not ironed out. (Like when I will get to properly congratulate one of my childhood friends, Meredith, and her new fiancée.) But here is what we’ve got on the agenda so far:

Just a warning: I get really excited about restaurants, and we are going to one of the epicurean capitals of the World, so we’ll be carefully planning each meal.

Saturday - Arrive in San Francisco. Eat luch someplace fabulous (TBD). Take leisurely drive to Napa and enjoy some wineries. Dinner at Mustard’s. Spend the night in Napa.

Sunday – More wineries. More leisure. Lunch at Jordan. Maybe some shopping? Dinner someplace wonderful (TBD). Spend the night in Napa.

Monday – Wake up and head back to San Francisco. Sightsee. Eat. Shop. Dinner at Beetlenut with one of my best friends from college, Laura, who I have not seen since 1999 LITERALLY.

Tuesday – More of what we did on Monday. Dinner at Bar Tartine.

Wednesday – Catch a flight back to beautiful, and hopefully dry Tennessee.

Now do you get my uncontainable excitement? What fun trips do you have planned? What San Francisco must-sees are missing from our itinerary?

Last week the focus of the study was on Chapter 7, “Growing into an Emotionally Healthy Adult.” We talked about the importance of loving others maturely — treating them as human beings uniquely created by Christ instead of as a means to an end or an object. Easier said then done, right? During the conversation, Jenni Catron said, quoting Pete Wilson (who was perhaps quoting someone else but I have no idea whom – maybe this lady or maybe this man or maybe someone else entirely?), “Hurt people, hurt people.”

And something about this really simple statement provoked some really complex thoughts.

Because the statement implies, “Hurt people, hurt people, hurt people, hurt people…” Unless we stop this chain of hurt, it is endless. To you this may be painfully obvious, but I challenge you to spend some time thinking about it. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

I am starting to explore some of the darker areas of myself, areas that I have tried to ignore, areas that I have hoped to leave behind, areas that I am embarrassed to acknowledge. I am wondering, “how am I hurting?” And I am trying to take responsibility for healing these old wounds, in hopes that I can avoid inflicting my pain on others.

Also, I am giving those who have hurt me the benefit of the doubt (or making a valiant effort to). Acknowledging that they are probably hurting makes them relatable, and not just the source of my irritation.

We only have one more chapter of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality before this study ends and are looking for another book to study. Any recommendations?

Here are 10 of my favorite things about summer:

1. Road Trips – trips to the lake, the beach, neighboring cities. For some reason, no place seems to far to drive in the summer. I need to start making some playlists on Itunes right now! (Some of my twitter buddies, helped me start a wish list. Now I just need to find some time to download.)

Macon and Anne Shelton - Lake Texoma 2008

2. Music Festivals – City Stages, Bonnaroo. One of my first jobs out of college was planning music festivals. And I love them. There is nothing better than being outside (when the weather’s nice), listening to good music, drinking a cold beer, and hanging out with your closest friends. This summer I plan on hitting CityStages (my personal favorite) and Bonnaroo (to see what all the fuss is about). I am excited because for the first time in several years, they don’t fall on the same weekend.

Me and Carey Martin - CityStages 2008

3. The 4th of July- fireworks, parades, bbq. I think the 4th of July is one of my favorite holidays. Okay, I have a lot of favorite holidays. But I do love reconnecting with my American pride. (Cue Lee Greenwood, “God Bless the USA“)

Anne Shelton - 4th of July 2008

4. The Beach – Bald Head Island, Rosemary Beach. I love the beach. Everything about the beach (well not everything about the beach, sometimes the sand bugs me. Oh and the jellyfish, I don’t like them either). I love listening to the waves. I love reading a good book under an umbrella. I love renting bikes. I love eating ice cream. I love the youthfulness that the beach brings back.

Papa and Macon - Bald Head Island 2008

5. Amusement Parks – I admit it, I love some roller coasters. I even like waterparks. I don’t like hanging out with 1,000 strangers in bathing suits, but I love the slides. I am a thrill junkie. I step foot into an amusement park and I lose all decorum. I revert back to age 11. And everyone liked me at 11 (except my sister, she hated me at 11.)

Joey, Roman, and Sarah Trammell - Big Kahuna Waterpark 2008

6. The long days – I wish that every day was long like the days of summer. There is nothing better than leaving work and having several hours of daylight to enjoy. The long days totally energize me. Who wants to lay on the couch when the sun is beaming?

Me and Joey - Rosemary Beach 2008

7. The food – Barbeque chicken, corn on the cob, fresh tomatoes, basil. I could go on and on. Summer foods are fresh. Summer foods are delightful.

Macon & Anne Shelton Enjoying Cotton Candy - 2008

8. The weddings – Although I don’t have them back-to-back weekends like I did a few years ago, there still is a big wedding or two on my schedule every summer. This summer one of my best friends from high school is getting married. I can’t wait to watch her walk down the aisle and I can’t wait to reconnect with many long-lost friends.

9. The quiet absence of the college kids – In Nashville, the college kids all vacate mid-May which is divine. The town is reclaimed by the rest of us. It is just plain easier to get around. Come August, we’ll be ready for the energy that the college kids provide but right now, I am ready for them to hit the road.

10. The glow – I am not a big tanner but you have to admit everyone looks better with a little sun. I am not talking we all need to go orange, but can we leave the pasty white behind? Just for a few months?

What are your favorite things about the Summertime?

There are times when I have dreaded returning after a vacation. But not this time, and here’s why:

I got in at a reasonable hour. I inherited the terrible habit of scheduling departures early in the morning and arrivals late at night so I can make the most out of every trip. But as I get older, I am realizing that this does not extend my travel enjoyment, it simply makes me tired, so tired that I can’t fully enjoy my trip or the life I have to come back to.

I was so excited to see Molly. Often when I travel, Molly goes on a little trip of her own, to the vet. (They take great care of her at Murphy Road Animal Hospital and she comes home smelling all lovely.) But since Murphy Road Animal Hospital is not open on Sundays or in the evenings, I typically have to wait almost 24 hours before I can fetch her. But not last night, because my roommates generously watched her while I was away, last night I knew that when I walked in the door I would be greeted by her smiling face and wagging tail — and that is a site to behold!

My friend Rami picked me up at the airport. Often it is more convenient to just drive myself to the “Park and Fly” and board the van for the quick ride to airport.  But not this trip, this trip I called on friends to shuttle me to and from the airport. And it was such a treat to have Sarah drop me off, and it was was such a treat to have Rami waiting upon my arrival. Because candidly, there is NOTHING more lonely than an airport arrivals and departures that goes unnoticed.

Do you have any tips for making your post-vacation “re-entry” more enjoyable?