Ouch!

Admittedly, I am no expert on grief.

Sure, I know grief. I’ve lost my fair share of dogs, grandparents, and friends. I’ve had my heart broken by a boy. But, I don’t know GRIEF. I’ve never lost parents, children, siblings, or best friends. I’ve never had my heart broken by a husband.

Grief is always hard. Always hard. Always HARD.

But from what I’ve witnessed, grief is the most consuming, the most gut-wrenching, when the loss can not be reconciled. A child dying of cancer. A dog disappearing from a backyard. A man taking his own life. A fatal car accident.  A man walking out a relationship with no explanation. Something, someone, being plucked right out of (the illusion of) our grasp.

I guess it is because when we can’t reconcile a loss, we get STUCK. We get stuck desperately trying to understand “why?”. Instead of mourning, reflecting, and discovering what’s next, we get stuck replaying the loss over-and-over, and our heart breaks again-and-again.

Once I FINALLY put away the “why?”s, I begin to properly grieve my loss, to heal, and to move forward. Of course it’s still a process, but at least I’m not stuck…

The one thing I still haven’t figured out (and it is a doozy) is HOW to skip the stage where I try to reconcile my loss, the where I get stuck asking “why?” Is there a way to fast forward through this painful (and usually unfruitful) stage of grief?

Thoughts?