I’ve found that the most difficult thing for me is admitting I want things that I might not get, creating goals that I might not achieve, dreaming dreams that are just that, dreams.

Why should I give up without a good fight? Why should I let fear control my destiny?

I want to live boldly. I want to write an epic story. And it seems like the first step is putting pen-to-paper and defining what I want my life to look like down the road.

What better place to do that, then here, on my blog? After all, it is a place where I can say anything I want.

So WELCOME to the first in a series of posts called “Drafting Blueprints.” I’m going to try to dig deep, face my fears, tackle one “room” at a time, and dream big.

Here we go. The first one is a doozy…I want to get married.

Ughhh, did I really just say that? Those words are very practically impossible to admit.

Because when I hear people girls say that they want to get married, I think they sound PATHETIC. And I don’t want to be one of those girls, not even for a minute.

To be perfectly honest getting married is not really what I’m after. I don’t care that much about the ring, the white dress, the presents, the party (I said “that much). I don’t even dislike being single (well..sometimes I do, there is the occasional lonely Sunday night and the painfully awkward wedding party).

And I have no desire to spend the rest of my life with someone who is wrong for me. Because I already know that there is nothing worse than feeling lonely when you are not alone.

I want more than marriage. I want to marry someone special. Someone who I can love forever. Someone to build a family with. Someone to walk through life with. Someone to laugh with. Someone to cry with. Someone who will call me out when I am being a brat (yes, I can be a major brat.) Someone who will be on my team. Someone who will love me unconditionally, or as close as humanly possible.

As difficult as it is to admit… I do dream of getting married someday, of not being alone on this journey forever.

But if it doesn’t happen, I can live with that too.

“We are confident that God is able to orchestrate EVERYTHING to create something good and beautiful when we love Him and accept His invitation to live according to His plan.” Romans 8:28 (The Voice)

So how about you, do you have any dreams that are difficult to admit?

As a child, teachers and family members alike would ask this question, all assuming I had some fantastic whimsical answer. “I want to be a cowboy, a princess, a firefighter, a policewoman, the President, a cruise ship director, something, anything.” But no, I had nothing. And so I’d sheepishly reply, “I just don’t know.”

When it came time to pick a college, I still had no plan. I applied to two schools that were polar opposites (University of Colorado and Wake Forest) in hopes of simplifying the decision. And after being deferred from Wake Forest from early decision, I didn’t even reapply. My decision was made for me. God wanted me to be a Buffaloe. (And thankfully my father had already insisted I major in Business Administration, so I didn’t have to worry about that decision.)

Ten years post-college, I still have had no real plan. I have jumped from job-to-job without any clear destination. And it has totally worked for me. I love my job. I love my company. There is no question in my mind that I am in the place I am supposed to be. If I had set out as a child to work in communications at a publishing house, I don’t think I could have planned my path better.

But I am starting to wonder. I am starting to wonder if I need to be a little more proactive about my future. First, I read this post by my boss, Michael Hyatt, about Creating a Life Plan. And it got me thinking. Then, I started hanging about with this girl, Jenni Catron, who keeps talking-in-my-ear about leadership. And it got me thinking some more.

Now, I am reflecting on possibility of living life more intentionally. So that maybe next time someone asks, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I will have a thoughtful answer.

Tell me, have you decided what you want to be when you grow up? Do you have a life plan that guides you there?