Hard to believe that just one week ago, my brave friend Trish, Molly, and I hopped into my car and set-off for Nashville. 3 days and 2,100 miles later we arrived a little delirious but no worse for the wear.

Monday brought my first day at Food for the Hungry. Meeting a contractor at my future home. Catching up with long lost Nashville friends. Dropping Molly off at the vet for a routine checkup…which turned out not to be so routine after all.

Turns out the pup has a Mast Cell Tumor which best case scenario is going to be painful, expensive, and time-consuming. And worst case scenario, well, we don’t need to go there. {Fingers crossed, she’ll be having it removed next week right before I leave for two weeks of travel.}

So what was already slated to be a chaotic week full of transition had a new element of stress. {Cross Country Move – Check, Buying and Renovating House – Check, Starting New Job – Check, Beloved Pet With Cancer – Check Check.}

But incredibly, I have felt wonderfully peaceful through the whole thing. {The only thing that is about to send me over the edge is the insane itching from some pesky bug bites. I have no idea what got me, but it got me GOOD. Here’s hoping the steroid shot that I took this morning will put bring some relief.}

It is times like these that I can’t deny the presence of God.

Alone I would be pulling my hair out, but with God I’m experiencing peace.

“And know that the peace of God (a peace that is beyond any and all of our human understanding) will stand watch over your hearts and minds in Jesus, the Anointed One.” Philippians 4:7 

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the week.

What have you been up to? Are you finding peace in the midst of your chaos?

As I spent time over-analyzing myself earlier today {too bad I can’t figure out how to make a career out of self-analysis…I’d be rich}, I realized that I am in the midst of a mini identity crisis. With so much new, and so little old, I am struggling to pinpoint who I am, what I think, and how to share this journey with you.

In the most simplest terms, I am in the process of discovering what remains…of me.

Without my precious pup, the church that restored my faith in God and community, the comfortable routines that filled my Nashville existence, the job and the company that I knew like the back of my hand, the conferences where I felt known and respected, and the cast of kids that I adored spoiling rotten, I feel a little lost, a little timid, and a lot unsure.

Answering questions as simple as “who are you?” and “what are you doing in Southern California?” leave me perplexed and stumbling to find words. But maybe, just maybe, that is how it should be? Maybe I don’t need to search for the answers, maybe I need to live my way into the answers?

“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the question themselves, as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, some day far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Are you good at loving the questions? Or are you like me, searching through every nook and cranny for answers? 

Five years ago almost to the day, I got Molly as an early 30th birthday gift. I had been debating a dog but could never seem to pull the trigger. So the boy I was dating at the time pulled it for me. Molly was 4 months old with a shiny black and white coat and a head cock that could melt your heart in two-seconds flat. Unfortunately, she was a terrible puppy. A truly terrible puppy.

Almost everyday she did the unthinkable, she peed in her sacred space, her big black wire kennel. I’d rush home from work excited to bond only to find her bouncing around in a puddle of her urine. I’d have to toss her in the sink, bathe her, and towel her dry. Not to mention a thorough scrub down of the kennel and the utility room. It wasn’t just the peeing that made her so terrible. She was a barker. She was a jumper. And she got into everything. She especially loved to shred paper so it was quite convenient that I worked for a bookstore chain and had lots of books around for her to make into piles of worthless confetti.

I seriously debated getting rid of her. She wreaked havoc on my life those first few months. The boy who had given her to me didn’t stick around. But Molly did. And she bloomed into the best dog that ever existed. Ask anyone who has met her. Molly is the absolute best. {I am pretty sure as we pulled out of town last week, she left a bigger whole in the heart of Nashville than I ever could.}

A year later I was offered a new job in a new town. So I packed up my life and my dog and headed to Nashville. I will never forget snuggling up with Molls in my empty Sylvan Park apartment as we waited for the moving vans to arrive. We were going to tackle this adventure together.

And here I am today, 4 years later ready embarking on another adventure. Only this time it seemed selfish to force her to suffer through the turmoil of the transition. So I left sweet Molly with my parents for a month or two so I can get settled before adding a dog into the mix.

Leaving her this morning was absolutely brutal. It wreaked havoc on my heart like none of my other goodbyes. I know that she is in great hands. She will be living the high life with long walks, playful scuffles with my parents’ maltese Lily, and of course bountiful trips to the lake and the pet spa.

It is me that I worry about. Molly is my partner in crime. Molly is my alarm system. Molly is who I talk to so I don’t have to admit that I talk to to myself. And Molly is the warm body that lays her head on my crook of my leg as I settle down to sleep reminding me that I am not alone.

So can I ask you to pray for me as I embark on this journey without the comfort of my sweet pup?

And will you share with me a little about your favorite four-legged friend?

I know Halloween is a little controversial.

But I have got to say, I like it.

I don’t so much care for the dressing up part. But I am a huge fan of the gathering with friends and family, strolling around the suburbs, meeting neighbors, and eating candy…a lot of candy.

I think we need more holidays that encourage to turn off the television, get out of our houses, and be in community.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from this Halloween.

How cute are these kids all decked out? Even Molly was feeling festive. (Yes, Target got the best of me again. I have no shame. My poor dog.)

How did you celebrate “Halloween”?

Last night, I returned home after being gone almost a week. And as much as I loved my week with the family at the beach, it was nice to be home. (Or at least back in Nashville, as I expressed here there is some confusion for me about where home is.)

There are times when I have dreaded returning after a vacation. But not this time, and here’s why: (more…)