Today’s “Pruning” post is from Justin Davis. Justin, his wife Trisha, and their three boys are such a blessing to me. They are a living testament to how God restores and redeems our brokenness. Through their ministry at Cross Point Bellevue and Refine Us, they teach others (like me) the power of authenticity, truth, and grace.

Find their blog here.

And Justin’s twitter here.

I’ve been a Christian long enough to know that you never arrive. I’ve also been a Christian long enough to know how easy it is to have a sense of arriving. There is a tendency in all of us to think that our relationship with God has arrived. It’s not that we think we are done growing, it is a sense that we don’t think we need to grow anymore.

This isn’t something we would articulate to anyone, it is this feeling we have inside as we go to church; compare ourselves to others; evaluate where we are now compared to where we were 3 years ago. It is easy to have a sense of “I’m good. I’ve arrived.”

I guess to some extent, that is the season I’ve been in. My marriage is better than it ever has been. My relationship with God has a nice rhythm. I’m being intentional about developing my relationship with my boys. I have good friends that I enjoy spending time with. God has blessed me richly to give me a second chance in ministry.  I didn’t even realize how much I was struggling until about a month ago. Our family was on vacation in Florida, and Trisha and I just started to read together The Me I Want to Be, by John Ortberg. I had heard so many good things about it, that I was a little nervous that it wouldn’t live up to the hype for me. Be careful what you wish for.

After reading the first chapter, Trisha and I were sitting at the table talking and she said to me, “The first chapter is you, right now. You know that right?” Tears started streaming down my face. I knew that the life I was living wasn’t the life that God had in mind for me. I had a diminished sense of joy and peace in my life, and I didn’t know why. I said, “I’m not the me I want to be.”

We continued reading and at one point, I said, “I just feel like crying. I feel like mourning the life I pretended to have.” She said she wouldn’t think I was crazy if I just cried. So I did…for a while.

Through some very grace-filled, heart-felt conversations that week, I realized that I had not dealt fully with my parents divorce last year. I had not processed and mourned the news I was given last year that the man I thought was my dad, wasn’t and I was adopted. I wasn’t pursuing deep, meaningful friendships in a way that brought life to my heart.

God is not done with me. I have not arrived. I am in a season of pruning. I am in a season of refining. I am in a season of preparation. I’ve come to understand that God uses pruning and refining in our lives to prepare our hearts, our faith, our minds for a renewed call and responsibility. It is our choice to engage it or not.

In the past, I had been more than willing to embrace the expanded call and responsibility, without embracing the pruning and refining. What happened as a result was I had more responsibility than my character could withstand. I pretended for a while, but eventually imploded.

In this season, I am giving God full reign. Peel back every layer. Uncover every hurt. Walk me through every flaw. I surrender to the pruning. I want to become the me HE wants me to be. Not arriving has never felt so good.

Are you content in not arriving?

A couple of weeks ago I finished John Ortberg’s The Me I Want To Be. I LOVE this book. It got me thinking, brought clarity to the cloudiness, answered questions I didn’t know I was asking, and offered peace to replace some of my stirring. My copy is all marked-up with underlines and notes of promptings that need to be further explored. To force myself to do the hard work and dig into some of the dark corners of my soul, I’ve asked my extra-small group if we can read and discuss. I am so grateful that they agreed. This morning as I flipped back through the book, this passage stood out:

God has existed from eternity – but he has never had a relationship with you before. He wants to do a new thing with you. The problem many people face when it comes to spiritual growth is that they listen to someone they thing of as an expert – maybe the pastor of their church – talk about what he does, and think that is what they are supposed to do. When it doesn’t work for them – because they are a different person – they feel guilty and inadequate; they often give up.

God has a plan for the me he wants me to be. It will not look exactly like his plan for anyone else, which means it will take freedom and exploration for me to learn how God wants to grow in me. Spiritual growth is hand-crafted, not mass-produced. God does not do “one-size-fits-all.”

He goes on to say:

A spiritual discipline is simply an activity you engage in to be made more fully alive by the Spirit of Life.

So I’m curious, what do you that makes you feel most fully alive?

Here are a few of mine:

Going to hear a great singer-songwriter perform at an intimate setting

An impromptu afternoon drive with my windows down, music blaring

Sunday mornings at Cross Point (and the inevitable long lunch afterwards)

Spending time investing in (or being just plain silly with) my nieces and other favorite kids

It is CRAZY how many “church” songs I know. (Guess all those years in “sunday school”, youth group, summer camp, Young Life, and K-Life paid off?)

Most days the songs simply lay dormant in my head. But sometimes I read or hear something – a verse, a quote, a conversation – that awakens them. And the lyrics start stirring around like agitated bumble bees.

So earlier this week when I these words by John Ortberg in The Me I Want to Be,

“God’s plan is not just for us to be saved by grace – it is for us to live by grace. God’s plan is for my daily life to be given, guided, guarded, and energized by the grace of God. To live in grace is to flow in the Spirit.”

“The only way to become the person God made you to be is to live with the Spirit of God flowing through you like a river of living water.”

this song started madly buzzing around in my head. (more…)

Last night I started reading John Ortberg’s The Me I Want to Be. I am one chapter in…and already LOVING this book.

Ortberg began by answering questions I didn’t even know I had. (He’s that smart.)

For instance, I didn’t realize I was having a hard time discerning what a more Godly Lindsey looked like. (I know you probably all figured this out a long time ago. But give me a break, I’m a slow learner.)

And I was having a really hard time with this. Don’t get me wrong…I want to be holy. But I so don’t want to be “holier than thou.” (more…)