Hitting the Wall

Yesterday was just another day, in a series of REALLY LONG DAYS.

It was just a tactical conversation, really. A conversation about needing to consolidate my “stuff” in the garage. The thing that set me off. The final straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back.

I rushed into my temporary “home”, a room that is about the size of a closet. I slammed the door, turned off the light, crawled into bed and wept.

I wept for an hour…at least. I wept out of shear exhaustion. I wept because I couldn’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep in my incredibly comfortable queen-sized bed. I wept because I couldn’t seem to handle one more to do. I wept for Nashville. I wept for Bellevue. I wept for Crosspoint. I wept out of fear, anger, pride, pain, guilt, thankfulness, and love. I wept because I finally hit my wall.

Have you hit you wall yet?

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

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Lindsey has a sincere love for her precious dogs Molly and Maisy, a good red wine and the Delta Sky Club.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • You have no idea how much I want to bring you a bag of Swedish Fish right now. It's my go-to pick me up when I hit the wall.

    I'm praying for you Lindsey. I thought about you yesterday after seeing your messages on twitter the previous day. You'll make it through. I had days like yours right after my apartment fire in '05. It DOES get better and easier.
    My recent post Countdown to Blue Ridge: 6 days to go…

    • Thanks Jason. Your words mean more than the Swedish Fish… 🙂

  • Lindsey, I'm aching for you. I knew you were going to hit a wall at some point. I'm praying for you! In fact, Matt and I will BOTH be praying for you.

    Yes, I'm hitting a wall right now. But really, in spite of what's going on in Nashville, my wall is like two centimeters high. So hand me a tissue so I can get over my issue! 😉
    My recent post

    • I love knowing that my "left coast" friends are praying for me…so thankful to know you and for the truth you speak into my life. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you…

  • Oh, Lindsey. How could you NOT hit the wall? I've been to that point before, and sometimes a good cry helps. I hope you feel a little bit better – even if you still aren't sleeping in your comfy bed yet. I'm praying for you and for Nashville!

    On another topic, I was just telling a friend of mine yesterday how AWESOME I think YOU are. For whatever that's worth. 🙂
    My recent post The lookalike rabbit trail

    • Mary, Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean so much…

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  • I felt like I hit a wall last week. Every time I turned around I would start crying. Nothing I'm going through can be compared to what you've gone through in Nashville. Just a long year of ups and downs that just took its toll. I hit the proverbial wall. Thankfully this week is going better. I am praying for you and Crosspoint and Nashville.
    My recent post Project Life: April 19 – May 9, 2010

    • I think that is the hardest part…feeling like you've hit your wall but realizing how small your struggles are in comparison to others…I haven't lost anything really, I have so much going for me, I have so much to be thankful for…but still I am there exhausted, crying, on my knees.

  • Praying for you, Lindsey!

  • I needed that. Living in Nashville this week I feel as though all of us are going to hit that wall at some point. I think I hit it this morning when I woke up after having nightmares about floods and taxes, then walked into the living room full of dirty laundry and dishes. Thanks for the post and the reminder that God is leading us through this, and he is our strength. 🙂

    • I know He is leading us through this…thankful we are part of such a vibrant community of believers.

  • You have the literal and proverbial perfect storm going on. Travel schedule of back to back craziness, all relational trips, good but spending emotionally. Half marathon in between trips. Losing the one place of yours for solitude to find a new one in a crunch…. dang friend, any one of those in and of itself is exhausting. Praying for your heart and rest. Hope you can sleep for a while. Wish I could help. Praying.

    • Thanks Tracee. Wish you were here to gangsta talk me through this 😉

  • Praying for you! I can’t imagine dealing with all you’ve been facing.

  • Hi Lindsey,
    We've been there with the flooding thing here in Eastern NC – 10 years ago now. Sometimes it seems like yesterday and sometimes it seems centuries ago. You ARE going to make it and there will be more walls, more hurdles and more victories than you can count. You'll find laughter (and tears) in the strangest of places.

    We're praying for you. You are such an inspiration to so many. Your honesty and openness are, no doubt, helping so many who think they are the only ones feeling the way they do. Romans 8:28 is a principle as well as a promise!

  • Sweetie, I have no idea what you are going through with the flood but I have hit my fair share of walls. Some the same wall over and over again. I just have to tell you that this is testimony to who you are, who God is making you to be and the loving attention he is paying to you. When I get to this point I realize I must be in my fire and I am not alone and I am there for a reason. He is refining us. I am praying for you now and as you can see so are many others.

  • thanks for not closing this up with a big pretty bow. Too often people will try to be raw but are too quick to clean it up before presenting to the world, or even their small circle of friends. Thanks for letting others experience what you're going through as you're going through it.

    Your successes will cause people to admire you.. but your brokenness will cause people to be inspired by you.

    • "Your successes will cause people to admire you.. but your brokenness will cause people to be inspired by you."

      Thanks…because I'm not capable of a pretty bow just yet..

  • I hit my wall 3 years ago. Since then, God has taken me through an incredible process of healing and restoration. As painful as my "Wall" was, I am thankful for the end result. My journey toward an emotional healthy spirituality is slowing moving forward.

    I want to encourage you to NOT give up. The light at the end of the tunnel WILL come – even if it doesn't feel like it right now. I am praying for you! 🙂
    My recent post 3 ways to experience joy in our lives

  • Praying for you right now, Lindsey.
    My 7 year old had to learn this Matthew 11:8 verse for today:
    "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."
    We were going over it, so he could get it memorized before school and we kept laughing at the "you who" part – it kept tripping him up. That part sticks out to me now, because I think God sometimes has to call to us and get us to listen – "yoo-hoo" over here – don't forget who I am. He'll gladly take your brokenness, your frustration, your exhaustion and give you a break (even if it's a moment of peace in the midst of a crazy day).
    My recent post Unusually Blessed

    • That's a great lesson. I can just see God being like "Yoo hoo, yoo hoo, yoo hoo…over there yoo hoo…I will give YOU rest."

  • Don't forget that Jesus wept too (John 11:35) Sometimes I just need a good cleansing cry. It doesn't do any good to keep all those emotions inside, especially at these times when EVERYONE around you is hurting too. The walls are hard, and they hurt really badly when you hit them, that's for sure! I continue to have you and your friends and neighbors in my thoughts and prayers.

  • I have hit my wall before. At least you were honest with yourself. I tend to avoid them until they are just too much. I always enjoy reading your blog. You share honesty that I wish were in my post.

  • Hi Lindsey. I think hitting the wall under the circumstances are normal. If you didn't hit the wall…then something would be wrong! Here is a great verse I love to claim in times of hurt and despair. Ps. 147: 3, He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. I imagine God putting bandages on the hurts in my life and placing His healing power over me. He will do the same for you!

  • i hit "the wall" every couple months. its just how i function. things build up, i cry. i cry, i feel better. i feel better, i function normally. well, 'my' normal. 😉

    i wish i couldve hit your wall for you.
    My recent post you should be….

    • Thanks Tam…I so wish I was there right now enjoying lemon drops and molasses cookies and laughing at you, Alece, and Brent…

  • Thank you for sharing this. I hit a wall about two months ago…and can't seem to snap back regularly. But to read that another strong and HUMAN woman is dealing with the same fatigue, weakness, momentary discouragement…but can still be the same inspiring woman that she is makes me know it's possible to break through. Thanks.

    • Yeah, I'm so ready to snap back and have a feeling it is going to take awhile…

  • Makeda

    Lindsey the fact that you hit the wall is perfectly normal and perfectly alright. Its been a tough series of days for you and the entire Nashville community. You and others have risen to the challenge of helping others while needing help yourself. To break down weeping is only normal. I will continue to pray for you and trust God to indeed strengthen your heart and renew your hope in this journey.

  • Lori Mahon

    Thanks for a great honest post — I think it is good to hit a wall and let it all out. For some reason when I hit this point I go to an empty bathtub with no lights on and cry and cry.

    • Really ready for the water to get back to normal so I can crawl into a bathtub and just soak 🙂

      Thanks so much for the Lowe's coupon advice yesterday…a huge help.

  • My heart breaks every time I read about what you all are going through. I have hit a wall many times before in my life. It has been so amazing to see you all and your hard work in Nashville! I have been praying so hard for you all! I can imagine you all are mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. Know that God will see you through Lindsey. I will continue to pray for you and that God will give you rest and a new hope for you. Wish I could be there to give you all a hug!
    My recent post A testimony among millions

  • I've hit my wall, actually many walls. And different kinds of walls. Having grown up and lived my entire life along rivers (Pittsburgh I had three, now I have one) I have been fortunate not to ever hit the wall you hit. I pray your days and nights get better and you find that comfortable place to sleep.


    • Thanks Cyndi. I know some good sleep and alone time will cure a lot of my ills.

  • My friend, I can only imagine the stretch all this has thrown you in to. I am certainly praying for you. Sometimes it doesn't seem like that's enough, but I trust God to do what He does.

    To answer your question, yes. I have. You want honest? Here's honest… last Thursday a friend stopped by my house to drop something off just as I was getting home from work. He asked me how I was and when he said it, the dam inside completely broke. I couldn't even speak. All I could muster to say, through tears that I couldn't hold back, was "this sucks", and I turned around, walked into my house and fell apart, leaving him sitting in front of my house. I know, so rude!

    Today was another tough day. I seem to be feeling the weight of the things I KNOW about, then there's the weight of things I DON'T KNOW about, and it's all just… well, it's a lot. My heart is heavy for so many of my friends, family, people in this city, and then there's the uncertainty of my own situation.

    I texted a close friend this afternoon and said that I know in light of what is happening in this city, it sounds so selfish, so please forgive me but I am so WORN THE HELL OUT and tired of acting like I'm not… and I don't think that means I don't have faith. It means I'm WORN OUT.

    Thanks for writing this. I have hit the wall and left a dent. I hold Psalm 73:26 close.
    Praying for you.
    My recent post Confessions Of A People Pleaser (Guest blog by Stephen Brewster)

    • "I have hit the wall and left a dent" – a painful visual. So thankful for your help, your friendship, and your understanding. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

  • Through the years, I've learned an important lesson–when I cry, I cry on God's shoulder. I think sometimes we lose sight of the reality that God is our Papa Father. He does not condemn us for being human, but He wants to comfort us in every way He can. Grab hold of Him and don't let go. The power of His absolute love is greater than any circumstance we face, and He is our fortress. My prayers are with you!
    My recent post #41 THE DOING OF LOVING: KINDNESS

    • I watched this video today, thanks to my friend Stephen Brewster, the story behind John Mark McMillan's How He Loves video. Really powerful but the same thing struck me. He loves me ridiculously in spite of my human weakness.

  • Yes…I hit a wall yesterday! Thanks for sharing and continuing to put your trust in Him. He truly is our strength. Praying for you.
    My recent post Strength from Him

  • prayiing for you friend… I haven't hit the wall yet, but I am feeling the "funk." I'm not the only one who feels the funk before the wall am I??

    • Sometimes for me it is an either or equation…funk or wall. But sometimes it is funk then wall. Hope you find peace (and can do so without crashing head first into a wall).

  • sometimes it feels like the wall hits me instead. that happened again this week, in fact. a sleepless, tear-filled night that felt less like a release and more like a deep, growing ache.

    i tend to hit a wall every few weeks. my very own mini-breakdown. maybe that means i'm not fully dealing with things, and that's why they keep cropping back up. i don't know. but it's wearying, that's for sure.

    i wish a lot of things, but mostly i wish i could give you a hug.
    My recent post a different take on boundaries

  • I wish I could whisk you away, without telling a soul – except maybe your boss – and give you a nice, warm comfy bed, with a stack full of books and room service! I'll watch find someone to watch your dog, 'tho. I'm allergic. 🙂

    As you can tell, us bloggy friends are with you in spirit and in prayers.

    I just put myself on "stat" (that's what I call it) a couple weeks ago 'cuz I hit a wall producing that 90 sec video, while burning the candle at every which way (plus, it was very emotional!). I slept, ate, rested, slept, ate, rested. Washed, rinsed, and repeated as needed. 😉

    Remember Elijah? When he burned out – that's what God had him do. Slept, ate and rested! 🙂

    Hugs, Lindsey!
    My recent post When We Try To Kill Our Stories: Contest Results & Reflection

  • Lindsey, you are in my prayers!!! If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know.
    My recent post Rooted

  • For days i havent been able to get to this page to comment. 🙁 i was getting made 🙂 Great post I know how you are feeling. Love you and im glad you are in my life!

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  • I'm afraid, I'm very afraid of what will happen when I finally hit that wall. Not looking forward to it. There are so many that need our strength, so many we need to be strong for. For now I rely on HIS strength to move me forward, but I know when my time comes I'll just have to take a deep breath, regroup and depend on HIS guidance to pull me through.

  • Gloria

    Hit the wall? I think I would have to add; How many times 😮 I've hit it again and again, but am SO grateful that His grace & mercies are anew each day.

    Thanks for your authenticity & sharing this… Will be lifting you up!!