Sunday night after spending an incredible day playing with family, eating a huge meal, and watching a fireworks spectacular, I came home and had my own little pity party. (I know, not how you thought that sentence was going to end?)
It has taken me a couple of days to understand where the seemingly random sadness and grief came from. And candidly I’m still not sure if I can put words to my feelings, but that is not going to stop me from trying. So here it goes:
Have you ever dreamed of a different life?
But it seemed that life was not within your grasp?
So you filled your days with compelling adventures? With amazing people, places, and pursuits?
And those people, places, and pursuits were fulfilling. (Really, they were.)
So fulfilling that oftentimes you convinced yourself that they were what you needed, even if not exactly what you wanted?
And over the course of time you buried your childhood fantasies?
But then one day you went to a far-away land where everyone seemed to be living out your perfect ending?
And your people, places, and pursuits suddenly seemed rather lackluster.
And you grieved those buried dreams?
Yeah, me too. Me too. Not fun.
Even fireworks can’t rescue a day like that.
But today I sit with some much-needed perspective…firmly in His grasp, appreciative of what I have, of what I’m learning, and of where I’m going.