It was just over a year ago that I found myself in Guatemala on a blogging trip with Compassion International. I was petrified. I was in over my head. And I was in over my heart.

Before I left I only expressed how deep my fear ran to a handful of friends, but Justin and Trish Davis knew. And they wouldn’t let me depart without gathering their whole family to pray over me.

On one of the last days we were in Guatemala, I was literally brought to tears as I read that the Davises had decided to sponsor a child from Guatemala. You see this wasn’t just any child sponsorship. This wasn’t just a big deal for sweet Joselina. This was a big deal for Trish. She was finally able to redeem a story that had haunted her for more than a decade.

A couple of months later, I was with Trish at the Recreate Conference when she decided to sponsor another Compassion child. And I was with her again a day later, when it was announced that she was the lucky winner of a trip to meet one of her sponsor children.

Finally, this Sunday, Trish leaves for Guatemala. She gets to meet Joselina. Although I am so sad that I can’t be with her to see the joy (and rushing tears) in her eyes as she sees the hope in that little girl’s eyes, although I am so sad that I can’t pop in and surprise sweet little Jenser, I am so excited I get to pray for her trip and follow along with her posts.

Will you join me praying for and reading along with Trish?

Isn’t it cool how the Lord brings things around full circle? 

I have realized something about myself. I don’t do well when I get behind. To be more accurate, if I am not leading or running with the pack, I seem to lose interest, fall further back…and quit.

Whether its something important like working through a Bible reading plan or something meaningless like playing a Words with Friends game, the urge is always the same. When the gap between where I am and where I should be gets too sizable, I have this haunting inclination to walk away.

Most recently I have noticed this with my half-marathon training and fundraising. (Did you remember I am supposed to run a half marathon with Team Compassion in San Diego on June 5? If you did, it’s not because you have heard me talk about it.) My training, well, it’s been pathetic. While I have been exercising, I have not done one long run. And my fundraising is not going any better. As I write this post, I have only raised $5. I know, I said it first, pa-the-tic.

Every fiber in my being is wanting to find a good excuse of why I can’t be in San Diego that weekend. Every fiber in my being is wanting to quit.

But I won’t let myself. I will stay the course and finish the race. Because sometimes it is not all about how you cross the finish line but that you cross the finish line.

Do you struggle with this? How do you keep yourself motivated to stay the course?

Would you consider donating to Team Compassion on my behalf? It is an incredible cause. And they deserve more than the measly $5 I have raised

As soon as I was asked to go to Guatemala with Compassion International last fall, I began cyber-stalking the other bloggers have a better grasp of who would be on the trip. I’m no dummy, I understood that the other bloggers could make or break this experience.

Thankfully I already knew, or kind of knew, or virtually knew, Lisa-Jo. We had several mutual friends and had interacted online dozens of times. And I genuinely looked forward to meeting her in person. (I was not the slightest bit disappointed. Lisa-Jo is fantastic.)

So my real intensive research started with Amanda Jones. One peek at her family tree and I started worrying. Yes, the fact that she was raised by Beth Moore was more than a little intimidating. But I knew we had a Texas connection. And a Texas connection is a pretty powerful thing. I knew if she started throwing down some mad Bible study skills I could slip in a Mexican food reference and we’d be back to an area where both of us could exist comfortably. (Side note: Amanda Jones might just be one of the kindest, most welcoming people on the planet. I quickly learned we had a lot more than Texas in common.)

As soon as I convinced myself to get comfortable with the idea of Amanda,  I made my way to Ann Voskamp’s blog. And discovered this beautiful concoction of prose, pictures and music. (I know, I usually hate music on blogs too, but trust me, Ann’s music is oddly soothing.) As I delved into the content I began getting more and more concerned, “What could I possibly have in common with the wife of a Canadian farmer who home-schools her six kids and writes like a poet?”

“Dang. I’m in trouble. I am in so far over my head. What in the world was Shaun Groves thinking when he put me on this trip?”

I still am not sure.

But I can tell you this.

Ann Voskamp oozes Jesus. I am not the type of person who says things like, “So-and-so oozes Jesus” but every time I hear Ann Voskamp’s name I can’t help myself from awkwardly blurting it out. Because she simply oozes Jesus. I have never met someone who loves as fully, and vulnerably. I have never met someone who so purely desired to employ their talents (and boy does Ann Voskamp have talents) to glorify God. I have never met someone who could make an email of encouragement feel like a cherished Word from an angel among us. And I have never met someone who lived with such a intense posture of thankfulness.

I am pretty sure I could spend days following Ann Voskamp around and learning about what being Christlike looks like in the midst of opportunity, busyness, and struggle. But since I don’t have the luxury, I will simply have to soak Ann up by reading her book, One Thousand Gifts. I have started it two times and each time have felt nudged to share it with a friend or family member before I could finish it. (Seriously, it is that good.) But not this time, this copy is staying with me, forever.

Oh, and these 3 women and my friends at Compassion were the perfect traveling companions. But you knew that already.

I do have some copies to  share with you though, 15, in fact. If you would like to enter to win a copy of One Thousand Gifts, just leave a comment below about a person you know that just oozes Jesus. I will pick 15 random winners on Friday and notify them via email. UPDATE: ALL THE WINNERS HAVE BEEN SELECTED AND NOTIFIED. THANK YOU FOR THE TREMENDOUS RESPONSE.

PS – Compassion just announced their May trip to the Philippines. Be sure to be praying for and encouraging this amazing group of bloggers. I can’t wait to follow them to the Far East. So cool.

I woke up this morning in Sunriver, Oregon for the final day of The Building Champions Experience excited about the progress made on my life plan and vision but still struggling to process everything I have experienced over the last two weeks.

How does what I saw and experienced in Guatemala fit into my future?

What is God’s vision and purpose for my life?

How can I live more intentionally?

And most importantly, how can I live more faithfully?

I am thankful because I know what a luxury it is to have the time, the space, and the resources to be asking these questions.

For some reason this morning this illustration by Wilbur Rees popped into my mind. I thought I would share it because it has me thinking, and maybe it will do the same for you.

I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please, not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep, but just enough to equal a cup of warm milk or a snooze in the sunshine.

I don’t want enough of Him to make me love a black man or pick beets with a migrant. I want ecstasy, not transformation; I want the warmth of the womb, not a new birth.

I want a pound of the Eternal in a paper sack. I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please. Wilbur Rees, “$3.00 Worth of God”

Do I REALLY want all that God has to offer? Do you?

I returned from Guatemala late Sunday afternoon. My first stop was the laundry room to erase the undeniable evidence from my trip, the stench of poverty.

I showered and went to church. (I can’t tell you how much I love that evening service. I was desperately needing the worship and fellowship.) I grabbed yogurt with a close friend. I crawled into bed and slept.

Monday morning arrived and I was instantly jolted back into “normal.” A day full of meetings, knocking out emails, and tying up loose ends. Finally home from the day-turned-into-evening’s events at 10 PM, I folded my clothes and carefully placed them back in my suitcase.

On the road. Again. It sounds overwhelming but truly, it is a sweet relief.

I treasure the hours of alone as I make my way to my destination, the Pacific Northwest. The hours to reflect. The hours to process. The hours to write. The hours to answer the two questions that everyone has asked since I returned to America.

How was your trip? Was it life-changing?

Questions that don’t just make me uncomfortable, questions that make my skin crawl in conviction. Questions that have made me realize how recklessly I have come to use the word “life-changing.”

At least once a week, something is “life-changing”… a sermon, a book, a song, a word of advice, a fish burrito. All inspirational in their own right, but seldom a catalyst for authentic life change.

And I don’t want this trip to savored and then slowly forgotten like a “life-changing” piece of pie.

I want this trip to be a seed planted deep within my soul that with the proper care will bloom, grow, and bear beautiful fruit.

I want this trip to be a recognizable turning point in my life. I want this trip to be a recognizable turning point in my heart.

So to all of you who are wondering, “How was your trip? Was it life-changing?”

All I can do is shrug and say, “I sure hope so. Will you please pray that it will be will be?”

What was the last thing you described as life-changing? Was it really…life-changing?

Today we visited the Guatemala City dump.

A place that is 1 square kilometer. A place where 20,000 families reside.

A place where the water is unfit for consumption, even by a rat.

A place where little girls go missing like discarded baby dolls.

A place where vultures circle, searching for something, anything, to prey on.

A place so dark that even hours later my eyes still are not accustomed to the light.

If I am honest, I am frustrated. Really frustrated.

Frustrated because I cannot begin to reconcile the disparity.

The disparity between wealth and poverty. Want and need. Developed and developing. Light and dark.

I have questions.

How do I fish shoes out of my overflowing closet after seeing babies walk on trash barefoot?

How do I discard leftovers after watching kids line up for whatever the Compassion project is serving because it is a rare warm meal?

How do I return to the abundant life I left five days ago knowing the haunting truth of poverty?

And unfortunately there are no easy answers. There are no pretty pink bows to tie up this life-changing journey.

There are only challenges.

The passionate pursuit of becoming more like Christ.

And the question that Shaun Groves asked each of us tonight, “Now that you KNOW, what are you going to DO about it?”

I must ask you the same question.

Now that you know, what are you going to do about it?

Would you consider sponsoring a child from Guatemala? It would mean the world to me. It would mean the world to a little boy or girl, their family, and their community.

There really are no words but still I am going to try to express all that is laying on my heart tonight.

From the moment you ran into my arms until our last goodbye this afternoon, I absolutely loved every moment of our day together.

It was one of the best days of my life. Even hours later as I write this letter, my heart is bursting with joy. I am overwhelmed by opportunity that God has given me, to be your sponsor, and your friend.

I loved seeing where you spend your days.

This morning I saw the tiny dark room that you share with your mother, sisters, and brother. Even though it was small and imminent danger lurked outside, I could instantly tell that you felt safe there. And that made me happy.

This afternoon I got to experience the Compassion project where you play, where you learn about Jesus, and where you will find the kind of friends that will last a lifetime. I know that as you grow this place will serve as your home away from home. I know that the pastor and the project director will be there for you, anytime you need them. I know that they will see that you are molded into the Godly man you were created to be. And that made me happy.

I loved hearing firsthand about the challenges you face.

Even though it tore me up inside to see and hear the trials that you face at only four years old, it was incredible to know specifically how I can pray for you.

I will pray that you stay safe, that the gangs don’t come knocking, that the rain will let up so that when you sleep your bed is warm and dry.

And I will pray for your father, that he is safe as he travels four hours to work, that he remains strong and faithful during the week as he lives separated from his wife and children, and that he finds steady employment closer to home, closer to you.

Jenser always remember, “Life is hard, but God is good.”

God is so good. And He has big plans for you.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. Jeremiah 29:11-12 (New International Version)

I loved seeing a picture of what the future might hold for you.

You probably don’t realize this but today I met three young men who grew up in your project. Three young men that are pursuing their dreams at the University with the help of Compassion’s Leadership Development Program.

Hearing each of their stories gave me great hope for you. You can be anything you want to be. You just need to stay focused on your studies and walk where God leads you.

Most of all I loved being with you.

I loved laughing with you. I loved feeding you. I loved kicking the soccer ball with you. And I loved holding you close. How I wish that I never had to let you go.

Until we meet again, I will write you letters. Letters that keep you abreast of my adventures and dreams. Letters that remind you that you are loved. Letters that affirm everything you are learning about Jesus.

Now it is time to say goodbye again but know that a big chunk of my heart remains in Guatemala with you.

Love,

Lindsey

PS – I will be practicing my soccer (or football as you say) so that I can try to keep up with you when we reunite.

If you would like to sponsor a child like Jenser through Compassion International click here. You will not regret it. As you can tell from this letter, I don’t.

This evening as I try to process everything I have seen and done in Guatemala, I am struck at the lies we tell ourselves as it relates to poverty.

Here are a few I am wrestling with:

1. True poverty only exists in Africa. A few months ago when Shaun asked me to participate in the Compassion trip to Guatemala, I quickly agreed. Then for just a moment I hesitated. I wanted to see true poverty and feared I would not see it in Guatemala.

As you scan through the pictures of children who need sponsors, you might be tempted to make the same mistake. You might convince yourself that the need is not great enough in Guatemala. You take one look at their Puma shirts and blue jeans and decide to make an investment in a child somewhere where it would have a greater impact.

Hear me when I say this. Your sponsorship matters here.

Your financial and spiritual investment in the children of Guatemala will save lives and transform families. Without the help of Compassion and generous people like you, these kids most basic needs will not be met.

2. Financial wealth brings peace and joy. Take one look at Werner. The boy lights up a room.

Happy as a lark, that kid. But as we cautiously entered his home it became obvious that his joy has nothing to do with his financial wealth or security. Because truth be known, everything Werner “owns” is tucked neatly into a small room tucked on the side of a hill that he shares with his mother and his big brothers. A small room that was just rebuilt with the help of Compassion after an all-too-common-in-these-parts mudslide.

3. Global poverty is not our problem. Sometimes I catch myself thinking surely there is someone more qualified, better equipped, or more passionate than me to step in and save these children.

But we need to stop being deceived. As Christians, poverty is our problem.

Because really how do you argue with this?

If a person owns the kinds of things we need to make it in the world but refuses to share with those in need, is it even possible that God’s love lives in him? Once God’s love takes hold of a person, it is impossible for him to close his heart to his brothers and sisters in God’s family. My little children, don’t just talk about love as an idea or theory. Make it your true way of life, and live in the pattern of gracious love. 1 John 3:17-19 (The Voice)

Click here if you are interested in learning more about child sponsorship through Compassion International.

I’m a little ashamed to admit that there are lonely Sunday afternoons when I want, crave, pray for, someone to love.

Lonely Sunday afternoons when I grapple with God.

Why haven’t You granted me a husband or kids to pour into?

Why haven’t You provided an outlet for my overflowing heart?

When will I finally have someone to love?

The devil must snicker to himself as I covet what I don’t have, as I question God’s plans, and as I neglect to see the obvious. The obvious that hit me today like a ton of bricks.

There are no lack of someones to love in my life.

They might not come in the package I expected. But they are here. They are there. They are everywhere.

If I would just open my eyes.

Take Amelia for example, a young girl I fell in love with today at our first Compassion project.

A coy little smile, a shy wave, a tap on the shoulder, and she had my heart. It became quite obvious that Amelia was someone right here, right now, that I could love.

Amelia was someone to remind me of the hundreds of someones I have neglected.

And Amelia was someone to convince me to stop focusing on the WHY and WHEN and start focusing on the HOW and WHOM.

How can I pour out the love of Christ that flows within me?

Who do I have the opportunity and resources to invest in?

How can I leave a legacy of love?

Are you looking for someone to love? Did you know that for just $38 a month you can break the cycle of poverty for a child like Amelia? Did you know that for just $38 you can pour out of the love of Christ on a child like Amelia?

Click here if you are interested in learning more or sponsoring a child from Guatemala.

Click here to read my friends’ beautiful reflections on this journey with Compassion.

Are you ready to stop asking God why and when and start asking him how and whom?

PS – Thanks Keely for the amazing photos.

After a three-hour delay, the Compassion Guatemala bloggers are finally in flight from Dallas to Guatemala City. (I really love saying the word Guat-e-mala. It might just be my new favorite word.)  I am traveling with new-in-real-life-but-instantly-familiar friends Lisa-Jo, Amanda, Dustin, Patricia and Shaun. And Keely who I have known for…months-that-feel-like-decades.

Here are a few random observations from today….

Technology is amazing. Our American flights today have had WiFi and power outlets. I remember when the air was the last frontier of disconnectivity. Fortunately (or maybe I should say unfortunately) those days are long gone.

The Pappasito’s in DFW is heavenly. There is no other adjective to describe it. How do they get their chips so thin? Their tortillas so fresh? Their salsa so tasty? And why does all other airport food pale in comparison?

Traveling makes me feel kind of icky. No matter how many times I wash my hands, no matter how much hand sanitizer I use, I still feel the overwhelming urge to take a long hot shower after a long day of travel. (The lingering smell of Keely and Shaun’s fajitas is certainly not helping the matter.)

We are all so wonderfully unique. Maybe it’s my Individualization (thank you Marcus Buckingham) kicking in but I can’t help but marvel at God’s unfathomable creativity as I get acquainted with the team and encounter unfamiliar stories, accents, and expressions.

This Compassion trip is going to blow my expectations out of the water. I think the only thing I can count on expecting is the UNEXPECTED.

Thank you for your prayers, support and encouragement. They are overwhelming in a marvelous, amazing, wonderful, glorious way. I appreciate each of you more than you will ever know.

What have you observed lately?